CURIOUS INDEX, 8/28/2009

by Orson on Aug 28, 2009 8:47 AM EDT

Ur about 2 get pwned by these tronass graphics. While we don't endorse the "They're too pussy to play us" again bit at the end, the tronass graphics sequence and Steely Dan sample Kanye in this summary video of Florida's 17-9 victory over USC in 1982 is enough to make it one of the more amusing and educational football videos you'll watch today.

Amusing: the tronass graphics, the nuke-orange unis, the cursed astroturf covering the luscious and naturally carnivorous turf of Florida field, and USC not looking like unstoppable beatific badasses. (Likely problem: Polynesian deficiency in roster.) Educational: you had forgotten USC and Florida, the intersectional dream matchup of this millenium, have actually played a home-and-home before, an '82-'83 series resulting in a 17-9 victory in the Swamp where Wilber Marshall had 17 tackles and four sacks, prompting USC coach John Robinson to call him the greatest linebacker he'd ever seen.

If you need further proof the series should happen: the '83 game resulted in a tie, meaning it never happened, and is a functional do-over. If this actually happens, a properly cheeky Coliseum scoreboard operator will start the pregame countdown with a "19-19" posted for posterity's sake.

"Yes, I'd like to buy 900 season tickets. Name? Kane Liffin..." Tennessee has not sold all of their season tickets with a week to go to the season, an unshocking thing given the tendency of people to procrastinate and the lingering fear AD Mike Hamiton has hired a belching football trustafarian as their head coach. Tennessee is so concerned about 900 unsold season tickets they had to light a few stacks of hundred dollar bills on fire in the football offices just to stop the fear-shivers.

Sense and Sensibility, SEC Media Edition. The SEC won't budge on video coverage at all, but the rest of the media policy is rounding into some sensible shape after the Draconian first draft. Por ejemplo:

There are no longer limits on blogging entries, but play-by-play blogging is prohibited.

...because that's not what liveblogging does, anyway, unless you long for the days of Red Barber reading a transcript off the wire and punctuating the action by clacking a bat together and hitting the "applause" button. That's how Beano Cook still listens to the games, at least, and that's how he'll listen to this year's inevitable Notre Dame/Florida matchup. Beano Cook's predictions, as always, are brought to you by Turfman's Leisure Scotch for Gentlemen, the only scotch designed to meet the demands of the modern biplaning sportsman.

Barkley loves football, frisbee, pressure. The Matt Barkley era's announcement gets a mixed reception from the LA press. Barkley in response will lay on floor and dream of frisbee.

Delicious aroma, strong, frothy head, and intoxicating notes of ire. We know nothing about Texas A&M AD Bill Byrne besides his picture and his timely address of fans' concerns over bringing their bass boat seats to use in the stadium. Scipio Tex probably doesn't either, but the physiognomic reading of Byrne's picture in Barking Carnival's review of the Aggie football program deserves some kind of award for Hitchens-with-roboaxe award for slashing with malicious intent and fatal accuracy:

Sometimes appearances are not deceiving. I’m a tremendous fan of thin middle manager glasses over beady mackerel eyes and the White Rain coiffed hairstyle favored only by 1980s news anchormen and Liberty graduates. It speaks of stability and competence. I notice that he’s also clasping one of his hands to prevent it from flailing about like Peter Sellers’ German rocket scientist in Dr. Strangelove. His expression is that of dopey malevolence, suggesting a Hereford crossed with a wolverine. This dude is barely hanging on.

Bravissimo, sirs. "This dude is barely hanging on" may become an internet meme of necessity sooner rather than later.

It's that woo-WOOOO. Our guest spot on the Solid Verbal features discussion of mustaches and much football talk.

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Comments

I would like to see UF play U$C also, but don’t wait for them to suck. You also know you have to leave the southeast to play them in the coliseum do you? Wait a few years when Barkley will be competent. Let the Bucks at them while they are in transition.

For Michigan fans wanting tickets, rumor has it that you can get Ohio State tickets if you get a package including Delaware State and Eastern Michigan. Oh how the mighty have fallen! Meanwhile in Columbus, sellouts to every game, waiting lists years long.

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 28, 2009 9:01 AM EDT reply actions

No Charlie Pell props, O? Or was he long gone by then, as Danny Ford forewarned him.

I think some RB named John L. Marshall killed us back in those days. Must have caught 8-10 flat passeds each year when UF was MSU’s permanent opponent.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 28, 2009 9:18 AM EDT reply actions

Best Friday Youtube Ever.

Crabapple – UF might not play in California, but they play just one state to the right – and play well. ;)

Happy Friday!

by ALGator on Aug 28, 2009 9:28 AM EDT reply actions

I don’t think it’s that there are ‘only’ 900 left, it’s that there isn’t a waiting list to begin with. This is what happens in Lexington or Starkville, not Knoxille. Toss what’s going to be a lukewarm season at best on the pyre and it’s a long time before the UT program recovers. Karma of subjecting us all to that goddam construction vest orange for so many years.

by Bobby Decatur on Aug 28, 2009 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

Also, this blog has added two new phrases to my daily repertoire of unusual lingo:

1.) cock mouth traitor

2.) tronass graphics

by ALGator on Aug 28, 2009 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

Before Wilbur Marshall: 5 down linemen…….After Wilbur Marshall: Hey! Let’s put some speed on the outside!

Revolution.

by Stan Gable on Aug 28, 2009 10:33 AM EDT reply actions

yoyo….John L. Williams….went on to a fine career with Seattle / Pittsburgh….

by Stan Gable on Aug 28, 2009 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

While Barking Carnival’s description of A.D. Bill Byrne is certainly worth noting, perhaps the most transcendent and yet lucid characterization is the dead-eyed panning of the living anachronism that is Joe Kines.

To wit:

“Defensively, A&M will probably start eight underclassmen and these youngsters will be led by DC Joe Kines, who speaks authentic Western gibberish and once had a torrid affair with Constance Talmadge. A&M fans are dissatisfied with Joe mainly because his defense gave up 37.4 points a game last year and he continues to absentmindedly wear Alabama gear on the Aggie sidelines. Dude can’t find his car keys and his defense gets anime monster-raped every weekend and you expect him to remember which school he’s at? Prioritize, Aggies.”

by NFLmentality on Aug 28, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

I echo #8….I can’t recommed that Barking Carnival link highly enough: well worth your time

by sandman227 on Aug 28, 2009 10:51 AM EDT reply actions

The more I read about Wilbur Marshall, the more I wonder: how the hell did he NOT make the inaugural Ring of Honor class?

by TJ on Aug 28, 2009 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

O, thanks for the “Total Recall” moment – suddenly I’m back in the SAE block (70 people in 35 seats)
and we’re winning with really ugly uniforms. Nice!

by Croc on Aug 28, 2009 11:51 AM EDT reply actions

Saban told him if he could catch a fish with his mouth he could play on 3rd down.

by EZ on Aug 28, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

I was too busy w/ bidness & chilluns back in those days to follow much of pro FB and the SEC got ZERO coverage in Charlotte unless it was UGA or Bama before the Chix joined.

Thanks, thought I did not have the right last name, did remember the “John L.” though.

by yoyofytbawl on Aug 28, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

Damn. wrong blog entry.

by EZ on Aug 28, 2009 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

I miss friday Errors & Ommisions.

just sayin.

by Terry Tate, Office Linebacker on Aug 28, 2009 12:24 PM EDT reply actions

’83 game was my first game at SC. 19-19 tie still makes me wonder if it ever really happened.

by blazin on Aug 28, 2009 1:03 PM EDT reply actions

I was at that game as well. I think that was the year of the Pac 5, so it was MNC or nothing for SC.

by oc phil on Aug 28, 2009 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

The 1 yd fade TD pass to Jackson in that video is fucking beautiful.

by You Gotta Have Em on Aug 28, 2009 3:11 PM EDT reply actions

That was my first ever game. I finally got my mother to stay home for a change. I haven’t missed one since. Well, except for the games I didn’t go to. USC missed an extra point with no time left (or close to it).

So what happened to the top 25 countdown likening each entry to a country? I looking forward to reading how Florida is like Romania. Rough terrain, vampires and alligators, recently ridding themselves of bad rulers and having only one or two famous names attached to it. Nadia = Tebow, Karolyi = Urban, Spurrier = uh…Ilie Nastase? Dracula?

by MalibuJuice on Aug 28, 2009 4:44 PM EDT reply actions

Wow. A Florida highlight from BEFORE Spurrier. Those have to be spotty.

by Jason on Aug 28, 2009 6:14 PM EDT reply actions

More on this history of Florida (and SEC) vs PAC 10 teams please. And why it isn’t happening now.

Speaking of, the bowl game in 1989 was the worst performance of HOF Emmitt Smith’s career. USC wasn’t the only power in the PAC.

by Nick on Aug 28, 2009 6:18 PM EDT reply actions

If you want an AD who’ll starve the football program of resources while jacking ticket prices in order to make non-revenue sports better in a vainglorious attempt at dislodging Stanford’s death grip on the Director’s Cup, then Bill Byrne is your man.

Nebraska fans weren’t sorry to see him go.

by Albino Tornado on Aug 28, 2009 6:26 PM EDT reply actions