BLOGTOBERFEST: PASS THE MIC, TOM EDITION

Blogtoberfest: where information arrives at the end of the day to be put into sausage casings and frozen for shipping.

Red state marketing, kiss our asses. You want something better than Chesney? Classic-rock/white rap mash-up, ESPN marketeers. Safe for white Southerners and Midwesterners alike, and scares no one. Go ahead and focus test it if you want. We'll save you the trouble, as comment sheets will just all read "NEAL PEART IS GOD."

Now just put shots of Eric Berry ruining perfectly good organs and bones to that, and give us a sledgehammer. We'll have that driveway pounded into asphalt nuggets in seven minutes.

Blingee Improves Everything. Missouri's punter has beautiful hair, but Blingee improves everything--even something as sublime as that haircut.

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I've seen it happen/in other people's lives/ now it's happening in mine. Morrissey and contemporary Michigan continue to be made for each other, and not in the good kind of way. The joke won't be funny once you get to the Notre Dame game, especially if Nick Sheridan as starter has to face a TAH-NOO-TAH defense unafraid to send blitzers from the corner, safety, and occasionally just running in crowds off the bench. *Yeah, it's not legal, but since when is anything worth living for?)

Get your bullshit meter out. Because the report seems dodgy, but if Jewel Hampton has to redshirt due to knee surgery, Iowa may be moving closer to the a-Paki-lypse than they really feel comfortable being.

And that societal problem is solved in a single step. Taking booze ads off Wisconsin radio? Statewide, centuries-long drinking binge, solved! Taking the federal grant for drinking away from the state would work more effectively, most likely.

Matt Barkley: instructions: "RIP IT." Matt Barkley will be your starter at USC. Aaron Corp's "cracked fibula" always did sound suspiciously close to "a full-on broken fucking leg."

Bon Voyage. Slight changes at the Joe Cribbs Car Wash, which now will simply be warblogeagle.com. Best of luck, Jerry. We'll honk before running Wes Byrum over with a thresher and give him a chance to run for his life in your honor.

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