MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY, ONE: MIKE HARTLINE

by Orson on Aug 26, 2009 9:03 AM EDT

Mike Hartline wants you to meet his mustache. We call this one "The Syrian Exchange Student," and it must be immensely popular since it has its own Facebook group and everything. It just looks so lost and helpless out there on his face, doesn't it, standing out there in the hallway in those overly pleated pants pulled way too far up on its waist? Help it find third-period trigonometry, the poor thing.

Later, the mustache will get handsy with you at a dance and proclaim its undying love before getting stalk-y for a few weeks just like all exchange students do, but they do love differently in the rest of the world. It's a devoted, molest-y kind of love. How's that different than the kind of love we practice, you ask? We can afford better surveillance equipment, that's how it's different.

(Still later, the Syrian exchange mustache will go through an awkward hip-hop phase. You should defriend him by this period.)

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Not to downplay the face-muppet that Hartline is sporting up there, but there is late-breaking mustache news going on over at Doc Saturday’s place right now.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/A-moment-of-silence-for-Colt-McCoy-s-preseason-l?urn=ncaaf,185174

by CincySooner on Aug 26, 2009 9:15 AM EDT reply actions

And what do you think part two was going to be, sir?

by Orson Swindle on Aug 26, 2009 9:16 AM EDT reply actions

Sam Elliott. I’m going to make this a campaign.

by spartanmike on Aug 26, 2009 9:35 AM EDT reply actions

Ah… didn’t see the “part one” above.

a thousand appologies… I didn’t mean to be the guy who blurts out the punchline, ruining the timing of the joke teller.

by CincySooner on Aug 26, 2009 9:36 AM EDT reply actions

It’s a devoted, molest-y kind of love. How’s that different than the kind of love we practice, you ask?

Depends on what part of SEC country you find yourself in.

/Georgian throwing stones off the balcony of his own glass house.

by MaconDawg on Aug 26, 2009 9:38 AM EDT reply actions

Someone really should warn “The Syrian Exchange Student” that all of that stalk-y and molest-y activity will help transform him into his final and unshakable form of Prison Pussy.

by skinnyphatman on Aug 26, 2009 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

I like “The Syrian Exchange Student,” but to me the look on his face totally says “Detective Douchebag.”

As for Colt’s roadkill-esque ’stache, It looks like something I see quite frequently on the “Offender Locator.”

by Kecalf Bailey on Aug 26, 2009 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

Screw Sam Elliott. I say Molly Hatchet’s guitar lineup.

GATOR COUNTRY!!!!

by Counter Trap on Aug 26, 2009 10:23 AM EDT reply actions

huzzah! if he keeps it up we’ll have a full-fledged pedo-stache on our hands. it’ll make whats-his-name from UT step up his cousin-fuckin’ somethin fierce

by chstrckwl on Aug 26, 2009 10:36 AM EDT reply actions

That’s what I like about those high school girls, man….

by Pants McPants on Aug 26, 2009 12:05 PM EDT reply actions

The mustache is orders from Coach Brooks, who is tired of your pansy ass shit wobbly throws and knows that a good hard throw only takes a bit of bourbon and a some 70’s facial hair.

by OldSouth on Aug 26, 2009 4:40 PM EDT reply actions