MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY, ONE: MIKE HARTLINE
Mike Hartline wants you to meet his mustache. We call this one “The Syrian Exchange Student,” and it must be immensely popular since it has its own Facebook group and everything. It just looks so lost and helpless out there on his face, doesn’t it, standing out there in the hallway in those overly pleated pants pulled way too far up on its waist? Help it find third-period trigonometry, the poor thing.
Later, the mustache will get handsy with you at a dance and proclaim its undying love before getting stalk-y for a few weeks just like all exchange students do, but they do love differently in the rest of the world. It’s a devoted, molest-y kind of love. How’s that different than the kind of love we practice, you ask? We can afford better surveillance equipment, that’s how it’s different.
(Still later, the Syrian exchange mustache will go through an awkward hip-hop phase. You should defriend him by this period.)
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1
CincySooner says:
Not to downplay the face-muppet that Hartline is sporting up there, but there is late-breaking mustache news going on over at Doc Saturday’s place right now.
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/A-moment-of-silence-for-Colt-McCoy-s-preseason-l?urn=ncaaf,185174
August 26th, 2009 at 8:15 am
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Orson Swindle says:
And what do you think part two was going to be, sir?
August 26th, 2009 at 8:16 am
3
spartanmike says:
Sam Elliott. I’m going to make this a campaign.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:35 am
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CincySooner says:
Ah… didn’t see the “part one” above.
a thousand appologies… I didn’t mean to be the guy who blurts out the punchline, ruining the timing of the joke teller.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:36 am
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MaconDawg says:
It’s a devoted, molest-y kind of love. How’s that different than the kind of love we practice, you ask?
Depends on what part of SEC country you find yourself in.
/Georgian throwing stones off the balcony of his own glass house.
August 26th, 2009 at 8:38 am
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skinnyphatman says:
Someone really should warn “The Syrian Exchange Student” that all of that stalk-y and molest-y activity will help transform him into his final and unshakable form of Prison Pussy.
August 26th, 2009 at 9:18 am
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Kecalf Bailey says:
I like “The Syrian Exchange Student,” but to me the look on his face totally says “Detective Douchebag.”
As for Colt’s roadkill-esque ’stache, It looks like something I see quite frequently on the “Offender Locator.”
August 26th, 2009 at 9:19 am
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Counter Trap says:
Screw Sam Elliott. I say Molly Hatchet’s guitar lineup.
GATOR COUNTRY!!!!
August 26th, 2009 at 9:23 am
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chstrckwl says:
huzzah! if he keeps it up we’ll have a full-fledged pedo-stache on our hands. it’ll make whats-his-name from UT step up his cousin-fuckin’ somethin fierce
August 26th, 2009 at 9:36 am
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Pants McPants says:
That’s what I like about those high school girls, man….
August 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am
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OldSouth says:
The mustache is orders from Coach Brooks, who is tired of your pansy ass shit wobbly throws and knows that a good hard throw only takes a bit of bourbon and a some 70’s facial hair.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:40 pm