JIM HARBAUGH SHALL POOP WITHOUT FEAR NOW
by Orson on Aug 26, 2009 3:10 PM EDT
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PrintJim Harbaugh needed his own bathroom. Badly.
Jim Harbaugh fears no man! Digesting legumes, though, was a problem.
The Stanford coach says he had the $50-70K bathroom built on the tab of donor John Arrillaga because it "cuts down on drag." The drag came from using a shower two floors down and a bathroom located 20 steps down the hall, according to Harbaugh, but we suspect something else. Harbaugh is most likely a shy shitter, and prefers to download his Stanford Trees in his own private nature reserve where no one can hear them fall.
None of this would be any problem if Stanford hadn't given Harbaugh his own private litter box and a $1.25 million extension at a time when the Stanford athletic department was running deep in the red and cutting 20 jobs to save cash. The timing is bad, but the context is worse since this is the Pac-10, where a package like Nick Saban's private fiefdom/contract is considered heresy unless you're USC, and even he doesn't have an equivalent to the Captain Comeback Crappin' Closet:
And it’s not like Stanford was denying Harbaugh a perk enjoyed by all his peers. Among the coaches who don’t have private bathrooms: San Jose State’s Dick Tomey, Cal’s Jeff Tedford, UCLA’s Rick Neuheisel and USC’s Pete Carroll.
"Pete uses the same men’s room as everyone else,’’ a USC spokesman said.
...and when he does, it smells like cinnamon buns, happiness, and victory. Stanford opens their season at Pullman against Washington State, where Paul Wulff has to defecate in an improvised outhouse not because Wazzu is budget-deprived, but because Cougar football players stole the plumbing and sold it for beer money.
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Funny thing, there’s no smoke machine being used in that photo. Stanford gave him the bathroom for them, not for Harbaugh…
by Hawgustus Caesar on Aug 26, 2009 3:16 PM EDT reply actions
There’s a proud journalist at work.
“What crapper does Coach Neuheisel use? Is he a hoverer?”
by ChasingMizzou on Aug 26, 2009 3:21 PM EDT reply actions
Ol’ Jim looks like his pinching one in the photo, to be honest.
by James C. on Aug 26, 2009 3:40 PM EDT reply actions
Nick Saban has such little time for this shit that he pays someone else to do his shitting for him
by haybeav on Aug 26, 2009 4:00 PM EDT reply actions
Jim Harbaugh, Stanford’s Logger-in-Chief.
by Tracer Bullet on Aug 26, 2009 4:04 PM EDT reply actions
I enjoy a good poop joke as much as the next guy, but does he WASH HIS HANDS?!?!?
and #9, enjoy a cocktail if you would sir.
by CincySooner on Aug 26, 2009 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
He never shit in front of me, either. Weird.
by Jamie Morris on Aug 26, 2009 4:19 PM EDT reply actions
“Captain Comeback Crappin’ Closet.”
the alliteration is the icing on this cake of laughter.
by Signal to Noise on Aug 26, 2009 4:24 PM EDT reply actions
Any word on his choice of reading material? Being a Michigan man, I would presume sudoko or a crossword puzzle. If not anything involving writing, probably The Economist.
by Crabapple Buck on Aug 26, 2009 4:26 PM EDT reply actions
@ 13
Were he a Buckeye, would he be perusing Maxim or Hustler?
by Coop on Aug 26, 2009 4:48 PM EDT reply actions
Coop -
If he was a Buckeye he would be on a Blackberry or I phone looking at interweb porn while shitting in a cooler.
/stereotype off
by Crabapple Buck on Aug 26, 2009 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
Does he have IBS? Is he a compulsive chicken choker? Drag? How much poop time are we talking about here? Rich Brooks has a firm opinion on this.
by haveagreatday on Aug 26, 2009 5:19 PM EDT reply actions
I’ll never look at the “S” on the helmet the same way again…
by Vandy J on Aug 26, 2009 5:21 PM EDT reply actions
John Arrillaga can do whatever he wants with his money. If Stanford needs more money then the whiners should a second job and donate some funds.
by Grady on Aug 26, 2009 6:07 PM EDT reply actions
FWIW Jon Wilner is widely considered to be a kneejerk contrarian who is ignored by most Bay Area sports fans and actively disliked by the remainder.
by 4.0 Point Stance on Aug 26, 2009 6:41 PM EDT reply actions
Back in the olden days (pre 9/11) da old honey pie & I left da pan pacific in Dirty Harryville and I suggested we’d go 40+ miles south & do 2 or so miles around Arnold Ziffel U (yes, he was admitted there on Green Acres, complete with beanie & vest) while he FB team was taking their team photos for the “S2K” Season. Pre-remodeling, just walked into the stadium and did our running around the track with about 200 other peaople. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SKOOL & CAMPUS. YOUR PHALLIC TOWER IS ON DA FRIDGE AT DA HOUSE. With 1-800-BEAT CAL FOR TICKETS on the scoreboard.
Ty won the Pac-10 & went on to “better” thangs. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Thank you Mr Harbaugh for resurrecting my fav-o-rite Left Coast team. (Beeevs #2).
by yoyofutbawl on Aug 26, 2009 11:25 PM EDT reply actions
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