CURIOUS INDEX, 8/26/09

by Orson on Aug 26, 2009 10:27 AM EDT

Anchors Aweigh, My Boys. Get this stuck in your head, and your day cannot help but improve--unless it reminds you of being a janitor at sea for four years, in which case we apologize for the nasty flashbacks. Roger Sterling demands you have a glass of scotch and join him in a rousing chorus in the Xerox room!

It is relevant this morning thanks to Ohio State's Tony Bennett level of classy in requesting a standing O for Navy, who will after losing to the Buckeyes in ClevelandColumbus to open the season finish their careers, stop playing football, and then honor their contracts to serve the United States by serving in the Navy or Marine Corps. Hear, hear, Buckeyes, though you will fall short of being the most courteous major football program they've played recently.

How metaphorical. Lane Kiffin pushed himself so hard during training camp that he eventually drove his car into a ditch.

I was driving home and was about a half mile from home, nodded off, and slipped off the side of the road into the ditch. So they joke around here that I am not allowed to drive any more. They said, 'We are taking your keys, you are too tired to drive anymore. So you are either sleeping here or we are getting you a driver to bring your home.'

THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR NOTHING TO SEE HERE KEEP MOVING K THX. (HT: Joel.

Dennis Dodd remains......confused about trend, statistics, and causality. This will surprise no one who has actually ever read Dennis Dodd or his furious attempts to bat his birdlike skull against the mirror of reality, a kind of repeated smacking of overtaxed brain against window in a vain attempt to make a point. Hey, we asked him to watch Grandpa once. Grandpa liked cigars and scotch, and NOOOO DENNIS WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOO?

Point: Don't let Dennis Dodd attempt to analyze a situation, and especially don't let him watch your wheelchair-bound grandfather, because he will set him on fire on accident.

Quote of the day: "Hate has a way of making people feel alive."

My SHOES cost MORE than your HOUSE. Clay Travis channels Ric Flair in this interview by saying his writing build his three-story house, so suck it, Brando. Tim Brando responded by calling him "psycho," so a duel is imminent, somethin Clay has a clear advantage in since Tim Brando's head is the size of an old Magnavox.

Maurkice Pouncey system, zero defects. Maurkice, half of the Twin Pimpin' Ltd. Offensive Line Connection, returned to practice smoothly after being sidelined with a torn labrum.

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BS on Hello Kiffin falling asleep. It was Jonathan Crompton dozing off while driving Hello Kiffin’s car. Hello Kiffin was riding shotgun trying to explain what two completed passes in a row looked like and Crompton feel asleep from ennui.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 26, 2009 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

Funny, I heard Kiffie had a flashback from the intoxicated Super Bowl party…

by sb on Aug 26, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

Is there a club somewhere that Dennis Dodd, Paul Finebaum and Colin Cowherd (and DEAR GOD THE WWL HAS PUT HIM ON THE TELY NOW) are members? If so, can someone pass the coordinates to the Navy for some shore bombardment/airstrikes?

by Counter Trap on Aug 26, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

My cousin Puffin is a college football coach and he also drove his car into a ditch before the start of the season once.

Granted, I doubt Kiffykins had AS MANY drunk strippers and Dixie cups of black tar heroin inside the cab when he wrecked.

…

They were all VERY scared…

by King Cockfight on Aug 26, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

Orson,

Almost got it right, the game is in Columbus, though we will be playing the Michigan Wolverine slaying Toledo Rockets in Cleveland a few weeks after.

by justanotherbuckeye on Aug 26, 2009 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

Fact check: Sterling prefers clear liquors.

by jlgijzen on Aug 26, 2009 11:13 AM EDT reply actions

Brando would have the clear edge in a mano-a-mano fight. All he has to do is put on his sweater from that Shreveport Indy-bowl commercial, and presto, Clay is blind!

by Raider Red on Aug 26, 2009 11:14 AM EDT reply actions

Kiffin should run for Ted Kennedy’s now-vacant seat

by RIP Logan Young on Aug 26, 2009 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

Excellent quote. I have finally found a dr that really understands why I love college football – its not just the thrill of victory, its also relishing in your opponent’s agony of defeat.

by Wes Tex on Aug 26, 2009 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

Lane Kiffin finds non NFL ‘stuff ’ to be a tiresome distraction and seems to view the spread, or any other non pro-set system, as some sort of loophole in the rules that takes away from the whole point of the game – namely to run an NFL offense. He no doubt wonders to himself with a heavy sigh why these college coaches are so obtuse. Quote the man with ’the plan’

“I think we are really geared for that (NFL style). We have to continue every day to work on this college offense stuff because there is so much of it in this conference now with obviously Florida doing it and Dan Mullen going to Mississippi State. Western Kentucky does it. We are going to play against a lot of teams that do this stuff”

“Stuff”?? Holy shit – it sounds like he sees UT as trying to do the grown up thing while these other teams engage in slap ass and booger flicking. I hate to be the firtst to say it, but this guy is an ass.

by ben hill gryphon on Aug 26, 2009 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

Ram Vela is always FTW.

by robert on Aug 26, 2009 12:21 PM EDT reply actions

Dear EDSBS & Other Sports Bloggers,

Please hurry the revolution along. I can not deal with the likes of Rob Oller, Tim Brando, Dennis Dodd, Spencer Tillman, etc, etc much longer.

Sincerely,

Everyone

PS – please take as much care as possible not to hurt the obnoxious yet lovable characters (I am looking at you, Brent Musberger and Gary Daniels). We will still need someone to call the games.

by Everyone on Aug 26, 2009 1:00 PM EDT reply actions

One strange non-cfb related quibble. From my Mad Men observations, Roger Sterling appears to be a fan of the clear (particularly illegal stoli) and not the brown liquor.

by franz on Aug 26, 2009 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, Hello Kiffin’ s team was really geared to running an “NFL-style” offense when he was at Oakland. Just ask Al Davis and the other 31 defensive coordinators.

BTW, Florida…Mississippi State…WKU does it…“that stuff”. Hey Kiffykins, let us know when you’ve won 2 NCs in 3 years. Big hat…no cattle.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 26, 2009 2:31 PM EDT reply actions

Kiffin is literally both “asleep at the wheel” and “driving into a ditch.” Ain’t no metaphor, it’s QED, lawya.

And Ben Hill Gryphon, don’t worry, you aren’t the first (nor will you be the last).

by Bear Bryant's corpse on Aug 26, 2009 3:30 PM EDT reply actions

Wow, people have to be reminded to applaud a service academy? Air Force got a loud cheer before and after the game when they came to Knoxville in ’06.

The B-52 that did the flyover was awesome too.

by etsuVol on Aug 26, 2009 3:58 PM EDT reply actions