CURIOUS INDEX, 8/25/2009

by Orson on Aug 25, 2009 8:16 AM EDT

Blip. Shame about that. Blip. You might want to check your ACL after that. Blip. Noel Devine. Torn ACLs. Blip. Three feet to the right and farting lighting in your general direction. Blip. Blocking is a really an ironic exercise my offensive line does in order to keep themselves amused. Blip.

Blip. Offense progressing. Blip. Will have to carry defense still working on depth. Blip. That juke just impregnated your girlfriend. Will be born in four and a half months not nine. Blip. Twice as fast as other people. Blip. Courtesy of Smoking Musket. Blip.

My weaknesses? Probably that I work too hard. Tim Tebow is back in practice, and marking his territory by headbutting people like the big, rowdy Baby Rhino he is. He also is familiar with the classic answer to the interview question "what are your weaknesses?":

Tebow returned to practice Monday, getting back to "head-butting people," after missing some repetitions last week because of a sore lower back.

How did Tebow injure himself?

"Probably overworking, like I do everything," Tebow said.

It beats "I sometimes have a hard time focusing when I become sexually aroused at work, because a it takes a lot of blood to fill up a love zeppelin like mine." Try it when you're interviewing with the family business after graduation: Mom will love it!

Cromptonites, rejoice. Jonathan Crompton will be your 2009 Tennessee starter, there will be no rotation of quarterbacks, and he will have to throw to himself. On the West Coast, Kevin Riley was quietly named the starter at Cal, beating out 6' 5", 231 pound Brock Mansion for the job. Mansion coped with the disappointment by flying off in his gold helicopter and weeping into a handkerchief made of threaded platinum while his harem of supermodels watched in grieving sympathy. Both will work with former Utah offensive coordinator Andy Ludwig this year, who Utah fans miss with all their heart waved at and said, "yeah, dude, um...later."

Harsh. Players at South Carolina will now have a punishing 2 am curfew, but Spurrier's best enforcer of team discipline may be wearing a black "ENFORCEMENT" t-shirt and eyeing your ID suspiciously at the door in Columbia nightclubs. The bouncer who put a red flesh-egg where Clifton Geathers' right eye used to be is still loose in Columbia. Geathers is 6' 8" and 281 pounds. Unless there's a 7 foot tall 300 pound Sasquatch working the door at Club Ice, someone's wearing the pointy hat of the Asskick Pope today in the 803.

Big Ball O'FAIL. If you're surprised that a 53 year old radio and television man doesn't like bloggers and can be out-debated by a Paul Finebaum caller handily, then you also will believe this CELINE DION HAS A HORSECOCK OMG!!!

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Comments

Hope all you Auburn fans are ready for another Noel Devine show like the one he put on last year. Blip.

by eer in the ATL on Aug 25, 2009 8:45 AM EDT reply actions

There is no Sasquatch in Columbia. Just belligerent police officers – initial reports are that he was kneed in eye while knealing to be handcuffed. Ask Kevin Young about this…

by CharlestonUSC on Aug 25, 2009 8:52 AM EDT reply actions

It’s not Cromptonite. It’s Kryomptonite. Big, big difference.

by MorningBeer on Aug 25, 2009 8:53 AM EDT reply actions

I want “Asskick Pope of the 803” on a t-shirt.

by robert on Aug 25, 2009 8:54 AM EDT reply actions

O, wasn’t there another Gamecock who got arrested about an hour or so after young Mister Geathers?

A 2AM curfew might put Club Ice outta bidness.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 25, 2009 8:55 AM EDT reply actions

SEC homer Tim Brando hates blogs. Just goes to show why the best at CBS, Verne Lundquist, beats the worst at CBS (Brando). He consistently attacks Ohio State and the Big Ten, whether deserved or not. Commenters here do too, but they know more than Brando, and have their facts straight more often than he does. Here is some news for Tim Brando – EDSBS is here to stay, the interwebs are here to stay and opinionated gasbags like Brando will be looking for work in a few years.

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 25, 2009 9:14 AM EDT reply actions

I’m not homophobic or anything (at least not by Alabama standards), but for some reason I am just not comfortable calling another man “Simply Devine” in any context.

by Kecalf Bailey on Aug 25, 2009 9:14 AM EDT reply actions

Noel Devine is the truth. What a shame they couldn’t beat Pitt in 07 with the Slaton, White, Devine hydra and get a shot at a national championship.

by Aux Arcs on Aug 25, 2009 9:19 AM EDT reply actions

"I sometimes have a hard time focusing when I become sexually aroused at work, because a it takes a lot of blood to fill up a love zeppelin like mine."

Pure gold.

by cob on Aug 25, 2009 9:33 AM EDT reply actions

Tim Brando is a fucking whiner. “Oh wah I can’t say certain things because I have to confront coaches and players directly wah wah.” No, you don’t “confront” shit. You get paid 6 figures to fucking hang out with them and be on TV for it. Shut up.

Does he expect people’s sympathy here?

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Aug 25, 2009 9:48 AM EDT reply actions

@ 6…

it’s funny because it’s true

by Kevin@LSU on Aug 25, 2009 10:00 AM EDT reply actions

Did anyone else catch Football in the South with Tim Brando? And he showcased Boston College? BC? In the South? The man doesn’t even pass the “Are you smarter than a 3rd grader” in geography.

by hobeg8r on Aug 25, 2009 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

I get so tired of hearing the media “professionals” whine about bloggers. Anyone can ask some questions and
write a story….albeit it may not be well written. It’s as if an article is from a news source, it’s legit and if it’s from a blog
it’s crap. Brando cites the need for an editor to make an article legit. SInce when are editors all-knowing,
inerrant, and infallible? Lame-o Mr. Brando.

by Grady on Aug 25, 2009 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

#8
Don’t forget Owen Schmitt.

Seriously, don’t do it.

by Kecalf Bailey on Aug 25, 2009 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

Brando is a buffoon, first class, with clusters.

I’d rather discuss the sudden egress of terrified gophers from the Neyland Stadium environs.

by Counter Trap on Aug 25, 2009 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

2007: Noel Devine, 7 carries, 11 yards
2008 Noel Devine, 12 carries, 17 yards

Not so DEVINE against Pitt.

13-9

by Z on Aug 25, 2009 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

Noel Devine was awesome against a team that lost to Vandy.

by 5-19 = 5-7 on Aug 25, 2009 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

seriously- i used to anonymously respect Tebow for his athleticism and that he can carry that big stick of morality and religion. But i have to now ask, am I the only person that is totally sick of hearing him self-fellate himself any time there is a microphone around?

Eagles fans are happy about the athlete they have in Vick, but still admit he’s a fucking prick and should be shot in the face, so conversely why can’t anyone- even florida fans- admit that while Tebow’s a great athlete and role model, that he’s so goddamn nauseating?

every time i hear a soundbite from him i want to go curl up shivering in the shower…….

by I used to love him, but i had to kill him on Aug 25, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

Mother of god, you’re right 18. Tebow is a fucking weirdo. My uncle roomed with his dad in college. Said the same thing about him.

by I LOVE TURD on Aug 25, 2009 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

I find Tim Tebow sound bites a safer alternative to ipecac syrup.

by Kevin@LSU on Aug 25, 2009 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Geathers was the only Gamecock arrested. Another player had a verbal argument with his girlfriend and the local paper thought that was news worthy.

by Charlestowne on Aug 25, 2009 1:30 PM EDT reply actions

Brando is a douche who will never appreciate the genius of “a love zeppelin like mine”.

by Croc on Aug 25, 2009 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

I confess, I’m still a Tebowite, buuuuut…

Ever since his bursting on to the scene all I could think is that had he grown up as a Leinart or a Brady instead of a Tebow, he would be putting up numbers that would shame the Sex Cannon, Marques Slocum, and Noel Devine combined.

Sometimes you can almost see the cocky jock fighting for control of the body with the humble do-gooder. I still say Wuerffel is the gold standard of “good guy that even the opponents have a hard time hating.” Tebow, not so much.

by North 2 on Aug 25, 2009 2:37 PM EDT reply actions

16 -

2008 Sun Bowl: Oregon State over Pitt 3-0? Really?? Hockey teams score more points than that.

by paco on Aug 25, 2009 2:47 PM EDT reply actions

It’s the Brock Mansion Party Yacht….with the supermodels, etc.

by rocksanddirt on Aug 25, 2009 6:13 PM EDT reply actions

13-9 brother.

13-9

by Z on Aug 25, 2009 8:01 PM EDT reply actions

Pitt: Where a regular season win is the highlight of your fb programs last 30 years.

So sad really. You guys should get with Notre Dame fans and talk about the good ole days of 8 track tapes and leather helmets.

by PittisSh^t on Aug 25, 2009 8:49 PM EDT reply actions

Pitt won two brawls in a row because of coaching screw-ups. It doesn’t have shit to do with Noel Devine, but Z, I do have some numbers for you:
0-3 Pitts bowl record in the last Five years, and the score of your last bowl game. Handy, keeps me from typing it twice.
#25, _, _, _, _, These are the final ranking for pitt in the last 5 years. Four of those are blank for a reason, brother.
$109 is how little I can spend to get season tickets to watch your kitties play. Great fan base.
8-4, 5-6, 6-6, 5-7, 9-4. Pitts last five season records.
Congratulations, they’ve been mediocre at best, but hey, they kept an in-conference team from going to the national championship in ‘07, so that’s pretty awesome.

by JB on Aug 25, 2009 10:31 PM EDT reply actions