TIM TEBOW'S BLESSED BACK INJURY
by Orson on Aug 24, 2009 1:08 PM EDT
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PrintTim Tebow had a strained back that held him out of contact drills this past weekend. It happened in any number of ways.
--Sprained it avoiding the fevered advances of Gary Danielson in musth.
--Tweaked it while throwing golden calf worshipped by UF MBA students into cauldron of fire.
--Overprayer injury from particularly intense church meeting.
--Recurring soreness from a prior, ill-advised public feat of strength.
--Threw it out after three straight years of making furious love to the game of college football, the only kind of sex he has had.
--Sore from kidney donation to child who would be dead otherwise. No great loss, since Tim Tebow has 4 of every organ, and five if we're talking about testicles.
--Back is actually broken; listed as probable for all 4 quarters vs. Charleston Southern, then good for rest of season.
--He's actually fine, of course, even if he is expecting mixed communication from the sidelines this season. "Blended" would have been a better choice of words, but they want you make pretty football, son, not properly chosen words.
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Injured while:
Dashing stone tablets to ground in disgust.
Slaying Philistines with only jawbone of an ass
Carrying Issac to altar.
Felling walls of Jericho.
by Harris on Aug 24, 2009 2:05 PM EDT reply actions
@2, well if he had to swing all of Lane Kiffin in order to use the jawbone to kill those Philistines, then yeah, that could lead to some lumbar issues.
by Counter Trap on Aug 24, 2009 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Being kicked repeatedly in the ass by Joe Namath for being a goddamn Heisman winning virgin??
by Vol on Aug 24, 2009 2:33 PM EDT reply actions
Probably hurt it while voluntarily carrying a cross to and from practice.
by Kevin@LSU on Aug 24, 2009 2:34 PM EDT reply actions
It’s the EDSBS, people.
Excessive and Debilitating Semen Backup Syndrome
A man’s spine can only support so much.
by NativeSon on Aug 24, 2009 2:46 PM EDT reply actions
He didn’t stretch properly before cutting off a heathen foreskin. Damn you foreskin!!
by Brizzle on Aug 24, 2009 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
Took Metatron out behind the woodshed for a whuppin’?
by DHC on Aug 24, 2009 4:03 PM EDT reply actions
The “golden calf” was by far the funniest thing I’ve seen in here all summer. We’re all going to hell for laughing at that one, but it was worth it.
I thought Tebow wrenched his back trying to secretly sneak a peak at his roommate’s monitor while he watched the Erin Andrews video? Nah, that can’t be it. Everyone knows that she took Timmy’s virginity. And, that is why most Alabama fans hate him. We no longer hate him for leaving us at the altar, or stealing our SEC and National Championship in 2008. We officially hate Tim Tebow because he carved “Brooks was here” in that gal and we’re green with envy.
Woo hoo. Let’s start the season to see who looses to Florida in the SEC and NC games.
by alex hamilton on Aug 25, 2009 12:53 AM EDT reply actions
Probably still smarting from that Cap One game when Michigan thumped the shiat out of him.
I’m sorry. That is all I have! Memories are like the corners of our minds….misty water colored memories….of the way we were.
Just wait until we start 3 qb’s this year!
by Wolverine Man on Aug 25, 2009 10:03 AM EDT reply actions
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