Tim Tebow had a strained back that held him out of contact drills this past weekend. It happened in any number of ways.

–Sprained it avoiding the fevered advances of Gary Danielson in musth.

–Tweaked it while throwing golden calf worshipped by UF MBA students into cauldron of fire.

–Overprayer injury from particularly intense church meeting.

–Recurring soreness from a prior, ill-advised public feat of strength.

–Threw it out after three straight years of making furious love to the game of college football, the only kind of sex he has had.

–Sore from kidney donation to child who would be dead otherwise. No great loss, since Tim Tebow has 4 of every organ, and five if we’re talking about testicles.

–Back is actually broken; listed as probable for all 4 quarters vs. Charleston Southern, then good for rest of season.

–He’s actually fine, of course, even if he is expecting mixed communication from the sidelines this season. “Blended” would have been a better choice of words, but they want you make pretty football, son, not properly chosen words.