THE PRESEASON TOP 25 SECURITY RANKINGS: #22 NEBRASKA

by Orson on Aug 18, 2009 1:06 PM EDT

We rate the top 25 estimates by national security. Today: The team with the simple, red rising sun logo of college football, the big red N of Nebraska.

22. Nebraska.

Companion Country: Japan, 1980s. Oh, when it was good it was spectacular: a machine bent on crushing, decisive victory unified by a complete unselfishness, an indestructible organism with a simple but indefensible system for domination squatting on a brave island, staying afloat and apart from the rest of the world on a sea of sweat equity.

For a time, 90s Nebraska looked to have discovered the Philosopher's Stone of college football. A "walk-on" system served as secondary pump of prime talent into the program; a high school football culture fed option-ready players directly into the conduits of Lincoln; the country's most advanced weight training program swelled linemen into unblockable wraiths capable of wrecking entire blocking schemes singlehandedly. They went undefeated for over two seasons, terrorized the national football landscape, and appeared to be headed for complete national takeover forever and ever amen, with Frank Solich taking over the program that would be eating sushi off of your naked daughters with polite but smug looks on their faces.

Thanks to the film Rising Sun for hardwiring a kink resulting in the accidental application of wasabi to tender parts in our trying adolescence. That was fun, humbling, and educational in no way at all. Love, 16 year old Orson trying to talk pants back off girlfriend.

Like Japan, they suddenly lost a decade: first to calcified, overly traditional management caught by surging and adjusting competition, then to the wrong kind of innovation, and now finally returning to something like a happy blend between the two in the form of Bo Pelini, the former Nebraska defensive coordinator with enough old guard cred to speak Nebraskan, but enough flexibility to keep the relatively successful pro-style offense installed by Bill "Captain Charm" Callahan.

Internal Stability: Good to great: after the Callahan crisis, a referendum unanimously electing the sentimental and strategic favorite, Pelini, passed the Husker Parliament in a breeze and thus reunited the people under a banner of a coach who a.) wanted to be there, and b.) convincingly looks like a complete asskicker. Stability increases when factors like a returning dominance on the line like Ndamukong Suh is counted in the tally of "things offenses will break their teeth on, especially when you parallel what the LSU defense of Pelini's was able to do with a bellcow DT in the middle with Glenn Dorsey at LSU. (Superior technology is an export on both sides of the ball, and schematically the Huskers can compete with anyone for coaching acumen of top-flight nature.)

Run-fiendish Nebraska fans should get satisfaction this year: returning backs Roy Helu and Quentin Castille averaged nearly six yards a carry, and coaches tend to notice and gameplan around those kind of things, especially when they get you long chains of first downs, and take pressure off first-year starter Zac Lee. Fundamentals, kohai. The journey of a averaging 200 yards rushing a game begins 3.34 yards per carry at a time. ("Hai, sensei. Hai.")

Surprising thing you did not know about this team: That they have a wide receiver named Menelik, and that if Nebraska fans had a geeked-up sense of humor they'd chant "IM-HO-TEP" when he caught touchdown passes; hey, the punting game's looking good, and you've got that going for you; the obscure but intriguing fact cited by Phil Steele that 63 of 65 teams have beaten a (ARBITRARY STAT COMING) top 19 team since Nov. '01, and that the two who haven't are Duke and Nebraska; hey, they're taking cooking classes.

The IMF says: Proceed cautiously. Though escaping the recession mindset of the Callahan/Solich era, numerous structural problems remain: two redshirt freshman linebackers (talented, yes, but still redshirt freshman,) a new qb getting his legs, the complete lack of need to replace a solid kick returner in the reinstated departed Niles Paul. Bully for the bushido attitude Pelini has instilled in a program begging for samurai discipline, and approve up to 14, especially with a semi-respectable showing in the Big 12 Championship game. Look for the polite, clean, and disciplined salarymen of the Huskers nation wandering around a sunny bowl game of respectable quality near you. They'll be there.

*Correction via reader NotoriousDEK; Paul suspended for DUI, but reinstated. Apologies, and we blame only incompetence for the error.

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Comments

Two things:

1) Good grief Charlie Brown those teams were scary.

2) Props to Orson for having the guts to put that video up. Did you actually watch it or just assume everything went to plan.

p.s. within 20 minutes of the end of that game Bob Stoops phone was ringing.

by PeayHog on Aug 18, 2009 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

Hopefully, they turn their settings up from “Tenacious Pep Squad” this year.

52-17

by ChasingMizzou on Aug 18, 2009 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Niles Paul is a junior. He was suspended during spring practice, but he has since been reinstated and is expected to be the #1 kick returner.

http://www.huskers.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=100&ATCLID=831272

by notoriousDEK on Aug 18, 2009 1:28 PM EDT reply actions

ChasingMizzou,

Do not taunt happy fun ball.

by Sean Glennon's Jersey on Aug 18, 2009 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

Dean Steinkuhler. Still my favorite football name ever.
One big, dumb lookin white boy, but boy he could block.

by thatswhenthewho on Aug 18, 2009 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

I always love watching that video. And by the way, Chasing, the NU-MU score that year was NU 57-MU a big fat fucking nothing.

by Brizzle on Aug 18, 2009 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

I still count the UF-Nebraska National Championship game (if you can call it a game) as the worst 3 hours of my life.

by Floridan on Aug 18, 2009 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

The Gators now have a new weapon against incoming teams…..bats. The bat house at UF collapsed – leaving 200,000 bats homeless – and ready to swarm the Swamp during night games. Take that, War Eagle!

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090818/ARTICLES/908181006

by hobeg8r on Aug 18, 2009 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

It’s interesting to see some of those highlights after the Frazier’s 75 yard run. I always wondered how that game turned out. Our TV seemed to inexplicably stop working after my father (UF grad) lodged a beer bottle into the tube. Certainly don’t make things like they used to.

by nycDawg on Aug 18, 2009 2:14 PM EDT reply actions

Thanks, O.,…one memory that was satisfyingly dormant under ten gallons of gin and tonic has now come bubbling up to my conscious state bringing with it the agony, bile and lost dignity it incurred initially. Thanks…just thanks…fucker…

And I thought they were going to have to amputate Quezzie’s leg at the hip…

by sb on Aug 18, 2009 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

Funny how goofy stats jump off the page. I caught that one about Duke and NU in the magazine also. Then I start imagining Phil Steele as James T. Kirk shouting questions to his college football computer.

by ohiodawg on Aug 18, 2009 2:37 PM EDT reply actions

For some reason, I couldn’t help but think that video would have been more appropriate if set to “Goodnight Saigon” by Billy Joel. Maybe the version sung by Will Ferrell even. Ouch.

by ya lawya on Aug 18, 2009 3:03 PM EDT reply actions

ahh yes the 1996 Fiesta Bowl… It wasn’t a game so much as an execution. They should have handed out cigarettes and blindfolds to the Florida players prior to kickoff.

Nu may never get to those kind of heights again, but we got there and it was great. The single ugliest stretch of football domination ever seen in the modern era. Florida has seen some great years lately, but they have you to claim a title without at least one loss blotting their record. BLame it on the ESSS EEEE SEEE if you want, but take a good look at who NU played in 1995 before you call that schedule a cake walk.

It all had to end sometime and the fall is only made worse by the heights involved.

by Iggy on Aug 18, 2009 3:15 PM EDT reply actions

This is absolutely the best series I can recall from EDSBS. Material worthy of Kahn’s On Thermonuclear War or or de Mesquita’s unique mixture of haruspicy and pissin’ in the wind. Keep up the great work, illustrating to all the world that your INTA0 MS really meant something! GO JACKETS, STING ’EM!

—nick

0 or PUBP, or whatever sissy degree you folk who fear manifold calculus take from our beloved Institute.

by Nick Black on Aug 18, 2009 4:13 PM EDT reply actions

62-36 biotches!

by Ralphie55 on Aug 18, 2009 4:39 PM EDT reply actions

Congratulations Ralphie, you had a big win nine years ago.

Here’s another number for you: 47-18-2. As in, the all-time series.

by twogreattastes on Aug 18, 2009 5:00 PM EDT reply actions

Orson – the N stands for knowledge, so I applaud you for telling everyone to proceed with caution. Bo Big Red is bringing tradition back – but until we start steamroll teams circa 1987 (I think we beat Kansas St. that year like eleventythousand to six) I’ll sit back and set my sights on a Big XII Championship game appearance….after that it’s frosting.

Having said that, I invite anyone who is a college football fan to come to Lincoln if and when your alma mater plays there. I’m sure there are other atmospheres that are similar…..or better…..but it’s true that even after a loss in our own stadium the fans will give your team a standing ovation for their effort. And after the game we will probably invite you to our tailgate or to sit with us in a crowded restaurant near the stadium. It’s all about the sportmanship, fans and players alike.

……except for Ralphie55 and Colorado fans – ya’ll can suck the man chowder out of our nat’l championship trophy balls.

by HoustonHusker on Aug 18, 2009 5:09 PM EDT reply actions

“62-36 biotches!”

In 1981, Nebraska beat Colorado 59-0. Colorado was lucky to score 0.

by Rob on Aug 18, 2009 7:18 PM EDT reply actions

Everybody knows the N on the helmet stands for the National Organization for Women.

Go Big Red

by Terrell Farley's Liver on Aug 18, 2009 8:09 PM EDT reply actions

Ralphie55 is just mad that 4/20 is a long way off.
Silly tree hugger.

by Slappy on Aug 18, 2009 9:10 PM EDT reply actions

I’m an Irish fan, but I go to school at Creighton in Nebraska and I second HoustonHusker. Lincoln on Gamedays kicks all kinds of ass. Although the “dry campus” bullshit makes life more difficult than it needs to be.

by Mike on Aug 18, 2009 10:36 PM EDT reply actions

Thanks for bringing back a crappy memory Orson. I actually watched most of that game. I turned it off when
Tommy Fraiser started running in circles out of pity and the Gators still couldn’t tackle him.

You gotta love Wuerffel – the man could take a beating.

by Croc on Aug 19, 2009 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

heh

Nebraska – 524 rushing yards

that night

by psw on Aug 19, 2009 4:39 PM EDT reply actions

@ 17:

I think everybody beat K State eleventythousand to six back in ’87

And Pelini>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>turbodouche Callahan

by Soonertruth on Aug 20, 2009 12:54 AM EDT reply actions

Orson…thank you for that shitty memory. I’ll have to consume gallons of alcohol to wash it away again…damn they were good back then.

by Mickey Underpants on Aug 20, 2009 8:53 AM EDT reply actions

The first college game I went to was one of those Nebraska destroying Michigan State in East Lansing my freshman year. It was over by halftime and MSU was soon on its third-string QB.

by witless chum on Aug 20, 2009 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

The crystal football on that Natl. Championship trophy is made out of empty steroid vials from the Cornhusker locker room from that whole era. The Teflon program that the NCAA is too afraid to bust.

HoustonHusker, as an NU alum myself I think you should go easy on the gameday hospitality flaunting. Not only does Memorial stadium become an absolute hornet’s nest of hostility toward the opposing team and their fans, but so does Lincoln and the rest of the entire state of NE. The standing ovation is always given tongue-in-cheek, and seldom, (if ever), when the Huskers lose. Xenophobia is an actual earnable degree at NU! Too bad Husker fans travel so well, because they’re even worse when they’re on the road.

by stangtramp on Aug 20, 2009 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

Ah, Mizzou fans, continue to drink the “52-17” swill of the past year’s glory. It was a great win for you, but
unfortunately meant little as you were thinking about Texas when you should have been thinking about
Oklahoma State.

That’s okay, it was only one loss, but you let it get to you. And instead of glory, your best team in school history
ended up a tank job.

It’s a new year. Should be fun. Really fun. Whoooooeeeeeeeee!

by corn blight on Aug 21, 2009 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

@ stangtramp:

Stop trolling. Based on that post, it’s obvious you’ve never been to a Husker game, home or away, and you’re DEFINITELY not an NU alum. I don’t live near Nebraska anymore, but I still go to at least one game a year and Husker fans are still the classiest I’ve seen, no matter where we are.

by Jon on Aug 22, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions