NEW POLL QUESTION: THE NEXT TEAM-THEMED PRODUCT

I like my cock Garnet and Black.

Wait.. that came out wrong. Wait… so did that. Aw, shit.

Wait.. that came out wrong. Wait… so did that. Aw, shit./The Pat Hill one might be real. Have you seen that guy’s mustache?

-the jim tressel birth control sweatervest.

on second thought, the item is a bit useless in that nobody wants to have sex with OSU fans anyway.

Fresno State does have a winery on campus whose wines have won over two hundred awards.

DACOACHO PIG INNADS: DEMSDEBESPIGINNADSYOUEVAHGONNATASE

Dan Hawkins Brand Condoms: Boy, I will dig our you eyeball and skull fuck you!

Wolverine Silencers: Shh, we’re at the game.

Buckeye Barbecue: Delicious smoked defense.

USC Cash Sacks: For when you have to move a lot of cash with little fanfare

Duke University Tear Towels: When you’re going to be doing a lot of crying.

No University of Florida promise ring?

Commemorative 2008 Mississippi St./Auburn Lays potato chips.

“betcha can’t score just once”

USC Condoms: “herpes are forever”.

Penn State Shotguns and machetes: “rage virus is forever”

Notre Dame wristwatches: “this is taking forever”

Eau d’Cal – when underperforming is just good enough to charm the hippie chicks.

K-State Wholesale Showercaps and Scrub Brushes: “When the entire athletic dept takes bath”

[Product Redacted]: “Better than last time”

Oregon Goggles: “They do nothing!!”

Kiffykin’s Cheques: “Your ass won’t be able to cash these either.”

Hokie Hi Iodized Salt: Don’t end up like our coach!
(yes I realize it’s a scar and why yes these grapes are very sour and yes yes Matt Schaub did graduate an awfully long time ago, but your coach has, like, a thing on his face and your mother wears combat boots).

tOSU Disposable Coolers: Because it’s trash now.

Kiffykins Demolition Services: It’s All Part of the Plan, We Promise.

ACC Employment Agency: Why? Just ask a Duke fan in the fourth quarter of any conference game.
(wait, 31-3? Really? Oh lawd.)

Sabanade- Makes your 5 Hr Energy drink curl up in the fetal position, especially during recruiting season.

Chizik Chips- Betcha Lose Them All!

Ole Miss cell phone with new improved QWERTY Keyboard! Press “1” for sex, or press “2” for just plain ol’ GIGGETY!

Bobby Petrino’s Guide to Airports and Frequent Flyers for Dummies.

Bobby Bowdens Guide to FSU’s Assisted Living Facility and Coaches Office, forward by JoePa. NOW GET OFF MY GRASS!

Wf’nVU Facepainting for Juggalos! WHOOP

USC Cash Sacks: For when you have to move a lot of cash with little fanfare

Well if any other institution had the standing to sneer from the vantage point of a history of openly moving stacks of money around…

Notre Dame Condoms – it’s an empty box, but you’re too ashamed to ask for a refund

UCLA Monopoly – It’s an empty box, but comes with a guarantee from His Coachness Rick Neuheisel that it will be filled at some point in the next 5 years (and look under your seat for the $20 bill)

Rutgers-themed EZPass – to expedite your travel to, and early exit from, the game

USC Eau de Smug – containing elements of “Mercedes Benz interior,” “spray on tan,” “Pac-10 patronizing,” and “hint of panic about O-line”