CURIOUS INDEX, 8/14/09

by Orson on Aug 14, 2009 10:22 AM EDT

Todd. Huh-huh. Todd. Chris Todd. He's so, like, cool. And didn't even practice in the spring and still beat out whatever bag of hot ass the remaining 11 quarterbacks on the roster at Auburn, including Kodi Burns and Tyrik Rollison, who threw for 894 TDS in high school, but still can't beat out a quarterback with the shoulder joint of an 80 year old and incriminating photos of Gus Malzahn strangling a child for the pleasure of Bobby Lowder. Tony Franklin is happy for Todd, The JCCW is up at night climbing the walls, and let's just forget it all and make ironic t-shirts to distract ourselves. #nothingmakessenseatAuburnever.

Excellent attitude, nasty scars. Tyler Moeller, despite having his season stolen by a head injury due to being blindsided in a Florida barfight, is taking the whole "my head looks like a bowling ball carrying bag" thing really, really well. Moeller appeared with staples in head at Buckeye media day a few days after brain surgery to relieve pressure on his brain after an asshole in a Florida restaurant blindsided him during a family dinner. This is a clear violation of public decorum even by Floridian standards, where the only people allowed to cheap-shot you at family gatherings are other family members. (HT: The Doc.)

Jim Harbaugh, dreaming of ownage. Jim Harbaugh can't stop, even in his sleep, dreaming of ownage on the field, and if necessary, to protect our country from those who would destroy it. YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Come for the ACC talk......and stay for the detailed discussion of facial hair, including the trend-of-two theory for Purdue that in order to coach the Boilermakers, one must have a mustache, and our repeated insistence that the goatee is the mustache of the 'naughts. Also discussion of the ACC, of course, especially Virginia Tech, because you know everyone's guessing blindly when one guy's injury not only makes people hesitant, but has them calling bookies rearranging whole tiers of teasers for the season. The ACC doesn't have a favorite, it has a least bad guess.

That's one fired up undead coach. Joe Paterno, on Penn State 2009, sounding like someone who just flew through a JoePa-shaped hole in the wall with whistle, clipboard, and fresh brains in hand:

"What excites me? Nothing excites me yet," Paterno replied. "I'll be honest with you: We're lousy. I have nothing to be excited about right now.

"We have too many things we got to get accomplished. We've got a lot of work ahead of us to be a good football team. I'm excited to be alive, that's all."

We're going to go ahead and just send Paterno a bottle of fine scotch for just existing. (HT: DF)

Tweet Comment 24 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Joe Paterno: Giving the same press conference since 1834.

by psuphiman80 on Aug 14, 2009 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

Not justifying the guy getting blindsided, but he obviously did something to make the other person single him out.

Kind of reminds me of the sack tearing incident that happened between the OU and Texas fans a while back.

by ALGator on Aug 14, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

ALGator: thank your for reminding us of the worst fan injury ever.

by Orson Swindle on Aug 14, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

tOSU will get their revenge on Florida in January 2010 (hoping it isn’t in Cap One Bowl).

As you can tell by the staples, his football future is undetermined, as head injuries requiring surgery are not condusive for future football playing opportunity.

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 14, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

ALGator -

According to witnesses, not the case. Just a drunk nutball (no pun intended).

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 14, 2009 10:49 AM EDT reply actions

Lost in the story is we have an tOSU fan talking bowl smack to an SEC program.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to run in front of a bus and then taunt the driver as they cart my discombobulated collection of organs and limbs off to the hospital.

/82 total yards of offense.

by DHC on Aug 14, 2009 10:55 AM EDT reply actions

DHC

It is easy in August. What does Florida have to worry about besides being the ~~only~~ FIRST SEC team to lose to tOSU in a bowl game?

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 14, 2009 11:11 AM EDT reply actions

- I think he subtly changes his emphasis on “no” in “we’re no good” depending on what he actually thinks.

And I too am excited you are alive Joe, Happy Valley is going to be a whole lot less interesting when you move on.

by DanF on Aug 14, 2009 11:13 AM EDT reply actions

I have patronized restaurants and bars in the state of Florida on a fairly regular basis since 1969 (includes pre-cognizant years) and I have yet to be accosted, nor have I been present during an affray of any sort. My lesbian buddhist psychic says its because I do not allow such activity into my reality and my karma does not require me to experience it…so I got that goin’ for me…good luck Mr. Moeller.

by sb on Aug 14, 2009 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

So, now Todd has been named the starter. Bobby Lowder has certainly had a banner 12 months.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/14/business/economy/14norris.html

by Coop on Aug 14, 2009 11:34 AM EDT reply actions

“Whoa. It’s…Todd.”

I think thats the B&B episode where Todd stuffs them in a big tire and rolls their asses down a hill. Classic.

by Raider Red on Aug 14, 2009 11:37 AM EDT reply actions

Paterno drinks bourbon.

by mhentz on Aug 14, 2009 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

Chris Todd: Teetering on failure, but meeting standards.

actually, it’s more like Chris Todd: failing miserably, weagle weagle…

by Kecalf Bailey on Aug 14, 2009 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

Reprising my question from the Favre-to-the-Vikings discussion: Did anyone at Auburn watch any game film of Chris Todd from the 2008 season?

by Counter Trap on Aug 14, 2009 12:13 PM EDT reply actions

Any inane Florida/SEC vs. tOSU banter aside, that is a horrific and more-senseless-than-usual crime.

Hope the kid has full recovery (chicks dig scars, especially fball players w/ scars!) and the perp is roasted in fires of Hades.

by DHC on Aug 14, 2009 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

The AU company line: Chris Todd 2009 >>>>>> Chris Todd 2008 because of off season shoulder surgery.

So, the AU faithful are left with 2 choices: (1) belive your new coaches are a bunch of retards or (2) believe/hope there is some kernel of truth to the company line. Nobody (well, at least almost nobody) wants to believe a new coaching staff is doomed to incompetence until on the field results prove it to be so (RE: the Kragthorpe experience, [name redacted], Mike Dubose/Price/Shula, et al.). While many doubt Chizik’s credentials as a head man (and isn’t he a UF alum?), I think the solid concensus is that Malzahn has proven that he knows what he is doing.

Eeveryone is undefeated in August, including the new and improved Chris Todd. Bring on Sept 5, like now.

by jd4au on Aug 14, 2009 1:39 PM EDT reply actions

Chin mullets can’t go out of fashion soon enough.

by SonOfBuckeye on Aug 14, 2009 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

@11
I think you’re right. That show was awesome. Kudos Orson.

by Brizzle on Aug 14, 2009 2:04 PM EDT reply actions

Obligatory tasteless joke:

Really, he got the injury January 8th, 2007 in Glendale Arizona, but the beating was so bad, he just woke up to report it…

I’ll go off to the corner now, to hang my head in shame.

by Not You on Aug 14, 2009 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

Isn’t a “goatee” facial hair grown solely from the chin…and therefore not including the mouth encircling mustache, which would be a “van dyke”? Just askin’…

by sb on Aug 14, 2009 4:08 PM EDT reply actions