REASONS TIM TEBOW HAS A BEARD
by Orson on Aug 13, 2009 11:37 AM EDT
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--Step two of an arms race with Brandon Spikes for title most outrageously masculine Florida player. Spikes will counter by playing with a falcon on his shoulder; Tebow will counter with eyepatch; Spikes will cut own leg off, adopt pegleg, and still finish second in the nation in tackles for loss.
--Its forceful barbs prevent against any unwanted lusty sitting upon, like a park bench with the anti-homeless bar mounted in the middle.
--It shows up whether he shaves or not, just like the robes and two of every animal in the world sitting in his backyard daily.
--It's not a beard, it's a cowcatcher mounted on the front of a pain train.
--He's growing it for a charity to give new beards to sad old prospectors with facial alopecia.
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On his organ donor card he lists, beard.
He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does he prefers Dos Equiis.
by Crabapple Buck on Aug 13, 2009 11:43 AM EDT reply actions
To be closer to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
by Kevin@LSU on Aug 13, 2009 11:44 AM EDT reply actions
Is this compensation for not having Moustache Wednesday this week?
by Tim on Aug 13, 2009 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
I’ve never seen someone so happy to smell a terrible fart. Or at least that’s how I interpret that face he’s making.
by buddy randolph on Aug 13, 2009 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
I heard it was to further humiliate Chuck Norris
by DG2004 on Aug 13, 2009 11:54 AM EDT reply actions
“unwanted lusty”. would that be le lusty or la lusty?
by dirt sandwich on Aug 13, 2009 12:05 PM EDT reply actions
I swore the title read “Reasons Tim Tebow IS a Beard,” which would take on a totally different meaning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beard_%28female_companion%29
by voteprime on Aug 13, 2009 12:09 PM EDT reply actions
Thom Brennaman just said it was the greatest beard in the history of mankind.
by Brizzle on Aug 13, 2009 12:20 PM EDT reply actions
My guess is that his facial hair has finally become razor-proof.
He’ll be forced to shave with a bunsen burner from now on.
by CincySooner on Aug 13, 2009 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
Did you say old prospector?
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=10922702
by Mr Dizzle on Aug 13, 2009 12:33 PM EDT reply actions
It isn’t a beard. Urban’s sperm just happens to be as black as his heart.
by Ronnie Wilson's AK-47 on Aug 13, 2009 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
To keep him from being mistaken for somebody’s aunt from a Bonifay trailer park.
by NCT on Aug 13, 2009 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
This has already been alluded to, but what the hey?
“Maybe he’s deciding to take the scriptures seriously?”
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Aug 13, 2009 1:12 PM EDT reply actions
No, no, NO… you guys have it all wrong. It’s like Rocky IV.. ya know he’s all training in Russia with the beard. Then, just before the fight he’s all clean shaven.
Game 1 vs Charleston Southern (or Ivan Drago if you follow along with my anology) the beard will be no more.
by ALGator on Aug 13, 2009 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
Wow, an Evan Almighty reference. I suppose it fits, but it was the most expensive flop in comedy movie history.
by Year2 on Aug 13, 2009 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
“TIM TEBOW HERE FOR THE BRITHMAN SUPER CIRCUMCISER!!!!”
by sonofsamford on Aug 13, 2009 2:18 PM EDT reply actions
Is he auditioning for a Pearl Drops commercial?
“Nnnnnnnnnn … it’s a great feeling.”
by John P. Wise on Aug 13, 2009 4:01 PM EDT reply actions
He wants to reach out to incarcerated cacti that need to change their lives around?
by Mickey Underpants on Aug 14, 2009 7:56 AM EDT reply actions
I’m glad he’s such a mutt. I’ve had enough of all the stars being pretty boys.
by ohiodawg on Aug 14, 2009 8:41 AM EDT reply actions
The metal particles in his steely muscles finally became aligned, giving him real magnetism. The beard is actually iron fillings adhering to his sculpted jaw.
by rick marbles on Aug 15, 2009 3:34 PM EDT reply actions
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