FULMER CUPDATE: THE HOMESTRETCH, AND OHIO MAKES LATE SURGE

by Orson on Aug 12, 2009 2:30 PM EDT

A few Fulmer Cupdates from the hot August home stretch on the Fulmer Cup beat. A reminder: the final day of the competition will be September 1st, with all points becoming null and void at noon. The traditional Fulmer Cup Amnesty Day of September 2nd will be observed in concert with Football's Eve, so if you know someone looking for a day when their offenses will neither be tallied in points or reported as in-season shame, this is the day to do it. The current standings are here, but a full EDSBS Scoreboard will be up on Friday.

To the awarding of the points:

--Penn State has two boozy outstanding cases pending. Senior lineman Ako Poti decided to go-cart drunk, and substituted the go-cart portion with a car, which is illegal in all states everywhere. (Except for Arkansas, where it's termed "breezy ridin'," and punishable by a stern talkin' to by the local sheriff.) Poti blew somewhere between a .10 and a .16, a formidable sum for a huge man and worthy of two points for standard and unexceptional DUI.

Penn State gets no points for recruit Glenn Carson's drunk and disorderly, as he was not an early enrollee or on the team at the time of his arrest. He does get an appreciative nod from Joaquin Phoenix, who only hopes Carson belted out a response of "MONEY!!!" when asked any questions by the police.

--Occasional Fulmer Cup contributor Ohio University gives us nothing as grandiose as Frank Solich's mickey-fueled DUI arrest or the punching of a police horse, but the theft of two laptops will give you four points in the Fulmer Cup: one for the misdemeanor plea deal Travis Carrie took, and three for the felony charges on the books for Corey Moncrief. Moncrief is also planning to major in criminal justice, and seems to be failing the fieldwork portion. Ironic juxtaposition, bitches! (HT: DevilGrad.)

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I know the season isn’t over yet but let me be the first to congratulate Washington State for back to back top 5 finishes. You truly make the offseason more bearable.

by JIMatUA on Aug 12, 2009 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

So, USF didn’t get any points for their minor offense a few weeks ago?

by Leavitt Town on Aug 12, 2009 3:04 PM EDT reply actions

just looked at the standings for the first time and while it may have already been beat into the ground, i have to say it:

There is no more appropriate charge for Northwestern than BB gun possession.

by verylowsodium on Aug 12, 2009 3:28 PM EDT reply actions

You definitely missed this little gem involving drugs, gunshots & Eastern Michigan football:

http://www.annarbor.com/sports/emu-football-player-dismissed-from-team/

by Mad.Mike on Aug 12, 2009 3:41 PM EDT reply actions

And this one involving a Toledo Rockets Kicker and Natty Light:

http://www.toledoonthemove.com/sports/sports_story.aspx?id=327100
http://www.independentcollegian.com/sports/kicker-steigerwald-charged-with-dui-1.1787147

I should be your Mid-American Conference Fulmer Cup updater…

by Mad.Mike on Aug 12, 2009 3:45 PM EDT reply actions

Apropos of absolutely nothing, the title of this New Scientist photo gallery reminded me of EDSBS.

http://www.newscientist.com/gallery/dn17555-rovers-racing-to-the-moon

by Rich on Aug 12, 2009 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

What about the happenings down in the Delta? No mention of the rebs gone wild. I don’t have all the facts in front of me, but it pretty much boiled down to Tig Barksdale stealing a car and then getting a DWI in said car. I am eagerly awaiting the point tally for that one.

by Rick Shaeffer's Stylist on Aug 12, 2009 5:35 PM EDT reply actions

Somehow you missed 5th year senior WR James MacDonald getting himself booted off the Nittany Lions’ squad for getting busted for DUI a few weeks ago. Why anyone would want or need to drive drunk in State College remains a mystery. I didn’t want to mention it since gobbling up Fulmer Cup points isn’t really as glamorous as you sometimes make it out to be but my conscience got the better of me.

by mhentz on Aug 12, 2009 6:03 PM EDT reply actions