NEW SEC MEDIA RULZ R FUN. SEND HELP.

by Orson on Aug 10, 2009 1:02 PM EDT

Before we went on our annual vacation to the Barbary Coast last week, we wrote Charles Bloom, media-tussler for the SEC, and asked what the policies covering digital media. Answer: "A policy document is in the works and is not finalized yet."

That policy document is out, and thunks into a PDF reader with the heft of a Gravity's Rainbow with even less sense. Rocky Top Talk has the fully legalistic spread on the policy, but the relevant bits you need to know most:

You go there, and HEY! IS ANYONE LISTENING? I SAID STOP!!!

It's all theirs. All of it. The policy document announces the kind of godlike powers the NFL claims over all content, language not dissimilar to anything you'd find in any other league's

Video expiry date: 72 hours. You've got to wait 72 hours before using any video, which under their particular interpretation of fair use is kept to less than three minutes. Or, if that's too long for you, you can just go ahead and pirate it, post it on Youtube, and keep the websurfers in Birmingham busy.

In the interest of expanding the SEC payroll and stimulating the Birmingham economy, I encourage you to do exactly this. At any rate, it will at least encourage tighter editing for maximum effect, and the use of shorter songs. The only ones heartbroken by this: those who like to set highlight reels to prog-rock or Mastodon.

The SEC, like everyone else, points at Twitter and screams MONSTER. The policy fundamentally misunderstands the purpose of Twitter, but they're not alone, since no one understands precisely what Twitter is going to be, what it does, or why it's so extremely addictive. The policy curiously forbids credentialed media from providing commentary on the game via any kind of digital medium, meaning you can actually provide more thorough sanctioned commentary...

"... the determination of whether a blog is a real-time description or transmission shall be made by the SEC in its sole discretion."

We understand this provision. After all, we know the steampunk-loving hip kids these days long for the days when they could turn off the game, ignore the troublesome images and sound, and just get the delayed events of the game relayed in easy text form. This is verbiage puked out by a lawyer attempting to cover the entire sphere of possibility under their reign, and is jibberish. You tweet or blog or post not to supplant the game, but to accent and supplement the game. This rule will be broken seconds into the first broadcast, rebroken throughout the season, and broken in the manner that any rule seeking to govern micro-content: rapidly, giddily, and with impunity.

Fans are forbidden to do this, as well, but the the first security guard who attempts to wrest an iPhone from the hand of an intoxicated LSU fan gets the David/Shaun of the Dead treatment. This would not and will not end well. Young security guards of the world: $13.50/hr on Saturdays is not worth being torn apart and feasted upon by an angry mob. Let them tweet, and policy be damned.

The Final Outrage: Oh, this is such bullshit:

"Bearer may not bring alcoholic beverages, bottles, cans or containers, laser pointers, irritants (e.g. artificial noisemakers), video cameras, strobe-lights, or any type of weapon (or anything which the SEC or its member institution may deem a weapon) onto the premises of the Event.

OUR STROBE LIGHT AND BATTLE AXE ARE OUR MUSES. Without them, the world is grey, sad, and lifeless. Don't even ask us what they're going to do about the Derringer Paul Finebaum wears in a garter belt on his right thigh. He's had that thing for years, and you'll have wrestle it away from his cold, dead hands.

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“The only ones heartbroken by this: those who like to set highlight reels to prog-rock or Mastodon.”

Fortunately, the ACC will still allow the full 4 minute Zac Efron experience when compiling your Tyrod Taylor
highlights (rushing highlights, that is)

by cockblocker on Aug 10, 2009 1:13 PM EDT reply actions

I see the #screwyouSECbureaucrat hashtag being popular this season.

by ChasingMizzou on Aug 10, 2009 1:21 PM EDT reply actions

Whither cowbells?

by An 'eer with a beer on Aug 10, 2009 1:31 PM EDT reply actions

The real question being, after tearing the security guard apart, how are we gonna cook him?

I vote for a nice security guard sauce piquante with a side of corn-mach-choux.

by beerbaron on Aug 10, 2009 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

So, the guy at the Florida/Arkansas game cannot text the score to the guy at the Clemson/Wake Forest game and the SEC is going to instruct all of their “security,” to escort the violators out of the stadium? Uh huh…

by Coop on Aug 10, 2009 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

after being chased through the superdome several years ago for my cowbell by an angry security guard at the miss state/tulane game i feel we should look to this season and this nonsense as a challenge. i will start this afternoon by working on my stairwell sprints and crowded walkway spin moves.

by msufan on Aug 10, 2009 1:56 PM EDT reply actions

Three minutes?! That’s just great. So much for Tebow highlights set to “The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys”.

by NCT on Aug 10, 2009 2:08 PM EDT reply actions

re: beerbaron @ #4

If the guard is at Baton Rouge, the appropriate only way to cook him is by using a deep frier. Anything can be deep fried.

by Geaux Irish on Aug 10, 2009 2:10 PM EDT reply actions

Artificial noisemakers have been illegal in conference games for years. I think officials turn the other cheek with Mississippi State because there’s really only so much noise 40K can make. What are they going to do, make it sound like a REALLY LOUD Georgia Tech game?

by chg on Aug 10, 2009 2:10 PM EDT reply actions

@#9
I suppose we will take whatever advantage they will allow us. It is hard to distract your opponet when all you do is run the ball up the middle.

but there is always hope they will not be necessary this year

by msufan on Aug 10, 2009 2:18 PM EDT reply actions

I think the rule is you cannot use the material more than 72 hours after the date of original broadcast….not that you have to wait 72 hours to use it…..

by ColaGator on Aug 10, 2009 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

The SEC is becoming synonomous with ESPN quikcer than I had thought.

by DanF on Aug 10, 2009 2:28 PM EDT reply actions

They’re going to make sportswriters watch the Vandy/Kentucky game sober and unarmed? What kind of animals would do that to another human being?

by MaconDawg on Aug 10, 2009 2:38 PM EDT reply actions

@4, 8 – security guard might work in a jambalaya too, but you’ve got to be sure to really brown the meat to get that good color. We’d have to catch him in the first quarter of a day game though since a good stock takes at least 6 hours and I doubt he’d keep for a week.

by haveagreatday on Aug 10, 2009 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

You boys are in sore need of some attribution of copyright on those SEC acronyms!

The goose that lays the golden egg is an appropriate lesson for Slive and friends. We are watching the apex of SEC (D1?) football.
Coaches are mercenaries
Cheating is permissible, even required
The game & fandom are secondary to income & TV

It will soon become unbearable – not only to the fan, but upon itself.

by Mike Slive on Aug 10, 2009 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

if the security guard happened to be an LSU fan we could answer the question – if they smell like corn dogs, do they taste like corn dogs?

my guess is yes, with a heavy hint of brown liquor

by ben hill gryphon on Aug 10, 2009 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

Mississippi State has a higher average attendance than Ga Tech, as well as 17 other BCS schools.

by hailstate on Aug 10, 2009 3:34 PM EDT reply actions

“irritants” are not allowed? Uhhh does this include mother in-laws?

by Grady on Aug 10, 2009 3:49 PM EDT reply actions

Mississippi State has a lower average IQ than Ga Tech, as well as 117 other BCS schools.

by Jackie Polk on Aug 10, 2009 4:19 PM EDT reply actions

Actually, its only 109. We beat out Southerm Miss, Ole Pi$$, Arizona State, LSU & Bama. And tied with UPig, Kiffinsee & USChikin.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 10, 2009 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

@15…. I think of the SEC as a Red Giant star nearing the point in its life where it becomes a Super Nova. We are nearly to the explosion part, but it just needs to swell up a few hundred percent more and swallow up some more life bearing planets before it finally explodes and either spends the rest of its CFB years as a black hole from which there is noe escape or more likely a puny little nuetron star that puts out just enough light to remind the universe that it was once something massive and beautiful.

The SEC shouldn’t feel bad about this though. The Big 10/11 is currently in that baot, and the Big 8 was once one of those planets. It got swallowed up by texas about a decade ago to form the Red Giant Big Twelve.

by iggy on Aug 10, 2009 5:11 PM EDT reply actions

Maybe next they’ll outlaw farting?

by Croc on Aug 10, 2009 6:15 PM EDT reply actions

Croc, they won’t outlaw that, but if it happens inside an SEC stadium, you better not call or text your friend and tell him about it.

by chg on Aug 11, 2009 1:13 AM EDT reply actions

Don’t sneak in a weapon, you just need to sneak in a war hammer… it’s exercise equipment! For Terrence Cody…

http://www.torqueathletic.com/ns/details.php?prod=SS0150&brd=MA04-1

by black on Aug 11, 2009 1:26 AM EDT reply actions

I’m way late, but thanks for taking a screengrab from the Top Gear Season Finale trip to Vietnam.

by Chilltown on Aug 11, 2009 7:32 PM EDT reply actions

ColaGator’s right. We got an e-mail today at the TV station from the SEC and we can use footage for up to 72 hrs after we get it. The footage can’t be archived though, although I see no way they can enforce that, and we have to cut all SEC video from our sportscasts that are on the station’s website.

To quote Rich Brooks, “Bullshit!”

by Running Joe Rides Again on Aug 11, 2009 9:18 PM EDT reply actions

"Bearer may not bring… any type of weapon (or anything which the SEC or its member institution may deem a weapon) onto the premises of the Event."

I guess the SEC/ESPN is not interested in expanding their fan base in the Middle East… or Itawamba County.

I would love to see WAGA or ABC 33/40 put on a sock puppet show of an SEC game during sports and blame it on ESPN. Just think of the viral possibilities on YouTube.

by JasonC on Aug 12, 2009 3:52 AM EDT reply actions