WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG: PERCY HARVIN
by dougisthesoulmachine on Aug 6, 2009 12:30 PM EDT
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PrintNARRATOR (V/O): You're watching "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong." Percy Harvin was one of the most talented athletes in college football history: A five-foot, eleven-inch receiver out of Virginia Beach, he broke records as an all-purpose offensive player for the University of Florida, totaling 32 career touchdowns and helping to revolutionize the role of the wide receiver in the modern-day spread offense. He was drafted in the first round by the Minnesota Vikings and signed a five-year contract worth more than $14 million.
Scene: A classroom in a Florida high school. A dozen or so high-school football players are seated at the desks; PERCY HARVIN, flanked by the high-schoolers' coaches as well as some of his own former coaches, stands behind a podium at the front of the room.
NARRATOR (V/O): Harvin had a speaking engagement at a high school in Florida to tell some potential Florida recruits about his time at the university and how it prepared him for the NFL, when one of the students asked him a fairly innocuous question.
STUDENT 1: So, like, I know the football program at Florida is one of the best in the nation, but what's it like outside of football? Do they let you go off and have any fun?
NARRATOR (V/O): As one of Florida's biggest stars, Harvin was used to making public appearances and giving pat, innocuous answers to the media about practice or upcoming games. As an NFL player no longer bound by the athletic department's strict rules, however, he felt he had the freedom to talk more candidly about his time as a college student, particularly if it might help "sell" the university to an interested youngster. In other words, Harvin decided to "keep it real."
HARVIN: Oh, hell, man, Gainesville is a blast. Let me tell you something, brother, high as the football program is ridin' these days, people on campus know you play ball, you are the king. There ain't nothing you can't do down there: Go to bars, go clubbin' until four in the morning, and the girls -- good lord. They jump on you the minute you walk in the door, I mean, if you wake up in the morning and you got less than six girls in your bedroom, you weren't even trying, son.
FLORIDA COACH (hurriedly): Yes, well, there's time for socializing and everything, but the strongest bonds you make as a Gator are with your teammates, wouldn't you say, Percy?
HARVIN: Oh, no doubt. Me and the guys, if we didn't go out we'd just sit up in someone's apartment, firing up jays and drinking and playing XBox -- man, have you ever played 2K9 on weed? It's hilarious! Me and Brandon Spikes were going up against each other one night, and he was acting the fool and --
STUDENT 2: They let you smoke weed?
FLORIDA COACH: Oh, no, no, that's not a --
HARVIN: Let me? Man, they can tell you not to do it, but when it comes right down to it, what are they gonna do, babysit us every second we ain't at practice? I mean, yeah, there was that one coach who barked at me because I was late to practice and showed up all bloodshot and everything, and I guess I kind of went off and choked him and whatnot, but it wasn't like anybody was gonna let that get out. Trust me, you keep bringing home those SEC trophies, they'll take care of you.
STUDENT 3: Can we go back to the girls for a second? Which sororities on campus are the biggest sluts?
HARVIN: Now y'all got your heads in the right place. Check this out: Me and Chris Rainey were driving down the street one afternoon and we saw all the AOPi pledges standing out in front of the house waiting on something, so he leans out the window and yells, "I haven't seen that many white girls in one place since my . . . "
FLORIDA COACH: OK, OK, thanks, guys! Thanks for coming . . .
NARRATOR (V/O): After being de-scheduled from Florida's remaining recruiting visits, Harvin is back in sunny Minnesota, gearing up for his rookie NFL season with last year's 25th-ranked passing offense. It doesn't get any realer than the pros.
Scene: A quiet evening at Harvin's condo. Outside, the weather is gray and drizzly. Harvin is on the phone with the Vikings' offensive coordinator.
HARVIN: Yeah, you put me in wherever you want, man. Between me taking those direct snaps and then Favre throwing to me on those deep routes, we gonna be in the end zone so much we'll be payin' rent, baby. Huh? (pause) He didn't? He's staying retired? But I thought he was talking to . . . (long pause) Well, hell, who's our quarterback, then? (pause) "Tarvaris Jackson"? Who the fuck is that, one of the Jackson Five? (pause) Whatever, man, whatever. Call me back later. I got weekend plans to make.
Harvin hangs up, pulls out a joint, and lights it. He then dials a number on the telephone.
HARVIN: Fuck Minnesota, I'm calling my boys down in Gainesville to see what's up. I gotta go someplace real.
NARRATOR: Percy Harvin: Once a college superstar, today an ominous reminder of when "Keeping It Real" goes wrong.
FADE TO BLACK
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When does Percy begin referring to himself in the third person, a la Rickey Henderson? Percy be Percy.
by BrooklynGator on Aug 6, 2009 12:42 PM EDT reply actions
you need to work in that big girl with the afro saying “what’s really hood, bitch?”
by Sluka on Aug 6, 2009 1:44 PM EDT reply actions
wow this was HALARIOUS GUYZ
god sec fans are so fucking awful
by lol on Aug 6, 2009 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
Doug you’re doing a great job filling in for Lord Orson, and apparently you’ve drawn the attention of a journal of politics and arts
http://blogs.tnr.com/tnr/blogs/the_plank/archive/2009/08/06/holtz-from-espn-to-cspan.aspx
you stay classy edsbs
by ben hill gryphon on Aug 6, 2009 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
@ 3
No, you are right. Urban is the be all, end all of discipline and would not tolerate insubordination. Otherwise, OS would not issue the blanket, “Urban Meyer thinks that punishment is harsh.” self-deprecating remark after every dismissal at other schools.
Meyer is similar to Jimmy Johnson in that he has two sets of rules. Clearly, if Harvin was doing half of what he alleged, we know which group he was in. Maybe Harvin had to serve steaks to his teammates while eating hot dogs, I forget what that is for but Meyer does or did that for something, but Meyer would be damned if he was sitting Harvin for anything other than a pulled hamstring. Harvin faced much sterner discipline in high school when he was suspended for games in both his junior and senior seasons.
Meyer does not win his first BCS title if he does not play fast and loose with discipline, moving Moss’ suspension to the WCU or Citadel game so he could play in the SCar game, so why is it so hard to believe that Harvin did not engage in shenanigans while in Gainesville?
I would like to believe that Harvin was not choking position coaches, but:
He served a one-game suspension early in his junior year football season for unsportsmanlike conduct. As a senior, he was suspended for the final two regular-season games after making contact with an official and using inappropriate language during a game against First Colonial High School. In basketball, Harvin and a Green Run High School player were involved in a scuffle that prompted referees to stop the game with time remaining on the clock. As a result of this and prior incidents, Harvin was suspended from athletic competition by the Virginia High School League (VHSL).
According to the above, it certainly is not out of the realm of possibility that Harvin got in the face of one of his superiors.
by Coop on Aug 6, 2009 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
Well, to be frank, Lawrence Phillips did somewhat set a precedent for Harvin’s coach chocking. (if it happened, which if you apologize for it, makes me think it probably did) Sure, there was no cover up on Nebraska’s end, but letting a player play later in the season after that kinda makes one think that even if this became public, then Harvin still would have played.
by meatybob on Aug 6, 2009 3:38 PM EDT reply actions
Somewhere Latrell Sprewell just stood and started a slow, dramatic clap
by the safe word is "Major Wright" on Aug 6, 2009 3:38 PM EDT reply actions
Ah yes, I get all my Gator Inside news from a Michigan Spartans fan’s blog. That’s rich. But since there was 200 kids there at FNL, I’m sure there are multiple sources. By the way, the company line was that Percy did speak to the kids at FNL as a cautionary tale. “Don’t do as I did, learn from my mistakes, etc.” He was a little late because he had been doing some charity work at the Ronald McDonald House. I don’t “know” any of that to be true. Maybe he did go Sprewell on a coach and smoke it up while he was at UF. I doubt that the Sparty Fan’s board would have the scoop.
by Kerwin4two on Aug 6, 2009 3:40 PM EDT reply actions
would it be possible to form a Choking-the-Coach All Time Team? Let the research begin…
by BrooklynGator on Aug 6, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
The English was a tad too polished and there weren’t near enough “niggas” in there, otherwise I can see this happening.
by Harris on Aug 6, 2009 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
does the sparty site actually say anything about FNLs?
by ThisDude on Aug 6, 2009 4:01 PM EDT reply actions
Okay, that is one of the funniest, best posts ever! Even though I dislike Florida, I am Vikings (the Cubs of football) fan, I instantly became a Harvin fan when they drafted him. He is going to go nuts in the Twin Cities, crap there is more to do in Des Moines, IA than St. Paul. Just stay away from Lake Minnetonka and any boat parties….. I seem to recall a young Randell Moss not excatly having a great time… opps.. let me pull my car over as I thinkk I hit a female cop…. in the Twin Cities
Pure priceless work on this on….. I can almost imagine that press conference would really happen
by The Holy Grail on Aug 6, 2009 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
@ 7
Yeah, I am certain that message registered with the high school kids in attendance.
“If you make the same mistakes I did, you will end up…uh, well don’t be like me unless you have freakish athletic talent. Now, if you do, you can just do whatever the F you want! But, otherwise, eat your vitamins and say your prayers and there is no hope in dope. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to hop in my Bentley, light up a fat one, and then get laid.”
by Coop on Aug 6, 2009 4:34 PM EDT reply actions
I can almost guarantee you that percy harvin doesn’t know the first thing about smokin’ joints…
dutchmasters, phillies, and backwoods are probably more up his alley
by TimeIsIllmatic on Aug 6, 2009 7:55 PM EDT reply actions
I thought having a former player speak to recruits was against some recruiting laws or something. no matter what he says.
by Bamagrad on Aug 6, 2009 10:53 PM EDT reply actions
Dude, this is the same website that said 100% guaranteed that Chris Petersen was Mississippi State’s next head coach. That post is bullshit and should be ignored, and that blog should be burned to the ground.
by Brian @ MGoBlog on Aug 7, 2009 2:28 AM EDT reply actions
yeah. that happened. …cuz we all know EVERYTHING posted on the internet is true, especially stuff posted on college football blogs.
by Mich-Placed Gator on Aug 7, 2009 10:38 AM EDT reply actions
I’ve been an assitant for the team since 2005, the choking rumor is 100% correct and I’m surprised most of you Gators fans arent in the know on that. Did you really think those odd games he sat out were because he was injured? He basically played in the bowl game this year in much worse shape…
by UFpike09 on Aug 10, 2009 8:56 AM EDT reply actions
Percy: A’ight, enough with the chokin’ talk. The best girls are at AOPi fo’ sho.
by idahobuckeye on Aug 13, 2009 5:13 AM EDT reply actions
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