WHAT'S ON YOUR PROGRAM'S BUCKET LIST?

“Have sex with a coed without being intoxicated, with a condom, and without going to Confession afterward.”

Replace “going to Confession” with crying and you can throw that on my bucket list as well.

Okay, I’m a social retard….“Norwegian goggles”?

Awesome scene on Rescue Me last night regarding the Kardashian tape

Ole Miss:
Conspire to have Billy Cannon reincarcerated.
-Show up to a football game before kickoff and leave after the final whistle blows-just once—to reaffirm your belief that football is really just secondary to “the party.”
-Give credit to Ed Orgeron for something. Honestly, anything at all will do.

1. - Didn’t Billy Cannon go to LSU?

I read some of T Kyle’s stuff. He should apply for an honorary degree as an Ohio State football or Kentucky basketball fan. What a humorless dick.

Sandman, I don’t know what it is either, but it sure sounds funny, dudn’t it?

“Norwegian goggles” are in the urbandictionary.com site. I’ll say no more.

What if you’ve already done the things on your teams list?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=norwegian+goggles

just one of the many witty pranks that are part of post game rugby celebrations

norwegian goggles

An act of shame committed upon a passed out person, where the perpetrator places his hairy naked scrotum upon the closed eyes of the victim. This must be performed while facing the victim’s feet, so that the penis will naturally fall upon their nose in a manner resembling the noseguard of traditional viking helmets.

#4, Billy Cannon was indeed an LSU alumn. He was also incarcerated for forgery, and Ole Miss fans wouldn’t mind seeing him reincarcerated because his famous run happened against them. Last I checked he was still alive, so reincarnation ain’t happening just yet.

oops, meant to address that to #5

INDIANA

• Get through one conversation about football without mentioning the basketball team’s five national championships
• Successfully Defend the Rock against a non-MAC team
• Take your overhead stadium photo for the media guide without using the Wisconsin or Ohio State game as sellout to show a “sea of red”

I thought those were the W-by-God-VU admission requirements, not their bucket list.

@5
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Cannon

Read it. If you’d like the Cliff’s Notes, here: Billy fucking Cannon snatched an outright national title from Ole Miss. Fuck Billy Cannon.

South Carolina Gamecocks

• Jackhammer Howard’s Rock into smaller rocks, skip them thoughtlessly into Lake Murray whilst whistling 2001—all of this broadcast onto Death Valley jumbotron during Clemson homecoming game

• Pass a J to Stephen Garcia [ed: Chris Smelley attempted this, pass was wobbly and intercepted]

• Field a team that’ll play for four quarters, for Chrissakes

Loving the volume of content Doug, but the stench of a Georgia fan is almost too much to bear! Orson’s going to have to clean the place out with a week of Gator girl bunda or something.

It was a last second punt return, right?

1. - Cannon did go to LSU, we just want his ass back in jail. The counterfeiting, punt returning bastard.

Erm……. off topic but Herbstreit and the Musberger are hosting College Football Live right meow. Herbie just predicted Auburn starting 6-1 or 7-0 heading into LSU. This after chastizing the heckling blokes from the youtube video of Chizik’s landing on the Plains, not to mention reporting it like it’s recent news.

Texas Tech
- Stay in the stands at the end of games
- Learn to not play the media is biased against us/biased for UT/A&M card on articles that are actually spot on.
- Consider singing the official words to the school song instead of the unofficial ones, you know, “strive for honor, evermore….”
- After decades of not going to a Cotton Bowl how about winning one?!?

1966, 1977, any other year Bama was #2. My cockhead is tattooed houndstooth. Sorta looks like a hat. Some poor barnfucker’s losing an ear tonight. Done.

Minnesota

• Beat Wisconsin, Iowa, and Michigan in the same year. Or at least hold all the trophies at once.
• Go to a bowl game that doesn’t end in “.com” or appear on the NFL Network
• Have a conversation with other school’s football fans that doesn’t include the phrase “well, before your father was born…” when discussion the football program’s history.

Herbie is still trying to kiss up to Auburn fans for patronizing the 2004 team in Atlanta with this: “I just want to say the BCS worked. The two best teams are going to Atlanta. That’s not to take away anything from this Auburn team. But the system has gotten it right. Auburn, Tommy Tuberville, Jason Campbell and the Auburn faithful should just go to New Orleans and enjoy the Sugar Bowl.” How’d that OU secondary work out for you in the Orange Bowl, Herbie? You know, the one that gave up 35 points to OSU and Texas A&M in the regular season? How ‘bout that stellar USC run defense that almost got that team beaten by eventual 4-7 Stanford and 6-6 UCLA the same year. Yeah, clearly, those were the two best teams. So clear that the SEC now has TWO subsequent national championships for teams whom voters DID actually jump in the polls at the end of the year. Hmmmmm. Could that be a back-handed apology to Auburn, in the form of trophy opportunities for the ’06 Gators and ’08 LSU Tigers. Urban Meyer and Les Miles don’t have to apologize, Kirk. You should. Or at least shut the hell up.

The above quote should read: “The two best teams are going to Miami. …” And, yes, we’re still bitter. You would be too if you’d listened for a lifetime to ignorant Bammers count championships out of Happy Meals.

Ohiodawg, you’re thinkng of reincarnation. He said “reincarcerated”.

Cal:

• Watch Cal in the Rose Bowl.
• Watch Cal in the Rose Bowl.
• Watch Cal in the goddamn Rose Bowl.

Hey AERose, you took Arizona’s bucket list! (UA being the only school in Big Televen OR Pac-10 history to have never been to the RB)

Arizona State:

• Win a game against a ranked opponent on national television.
• Beat USC at least once this millenium.
• Have something football related to be proud of that doesn’t include Frank Kush, Jake Plummer, or hot chicks.

Ole Miss:

-See the football team go to Omaha and the baseball team go to Atlanta. That’d be awesome, right?
-Have an act of God, crooked official, timekeeping error, etc., result in a defeat of Alabama and/or LSU. Break their fucking hearts.
-Have a go at Southern Football’s favorite carnival game: “Whack the fuck out of the Buckeyes”
-Go to a game in a jersey and jeans. Don’t look down on anyone. Realize how lame this is and never do it again.

I’m having a nice laugh here at the visceral and sincere hate the poor wittle webels have for LSU and Cannon. You haven’t been relevant for 50 years and it’s going to stay that way. It just….warms the soul to see such bitterness at their own failures. But keep yapping, it’s cute.

Florida(with Tebow):
-Beat Auburn
-Beat LSU @ Death Valley
-Beat Ole Miss
-Keep Tim Tebow from ascending to heaven @ halftime of the Tenn. game
-Keep Corch Urban Meyers from going to Notre Dame after Tebow leaves.
-Try to enjoy the year with a big ass target on your back with every team trying giving you their best shot. Ask Georgia how that worked out.

the Ohio State University

- beat an SEC team in a bowl game
- return the favor to Corch Urban Meyers for 1/8/2007 (solves #1)
- continue to beat Michigan until Fielding Yost causes an earthquake from spinning in his grave.

Ole Miss talking smack about/to tOSU is funny. Had we faced Ole Miss in a bowl game at any time in the last 30 years, we would have a winning percentage. Go get your shine box.

Couple more for Georgia:

Manage to get through one game without witnessing fan behavior that makes your wife turn to you and sarcastically say “Go Dawgs.”

See a Mark Richt-led team crush another team’s collective windpipe and not take a knee inside the opponent’s 5.

Have a season where Georgia beats Florida and DOES NOT have an indefensible, nightmarish, embarrasing loss to an inferior team.

Georgia Tech fans:

-Steal the T

-Ride out in the Wreck.

-See a player from the school that Heisman coached at win the Heisman Trophy.

-pour sugar into Bill Lewis’ gas tank

-Nuke Athens and the majority of Clarke County. From orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

LSU

- create time machine, go back to 2003/4, play USC for title, beat them like drums
- all 94K of us get totally black out drunk at this year’s Vandy game and successfully erase last year and the Curly years
- get another tiger

I’m told that Halloween 1959 was epic. It’s is #2 in LSU’s mythology, second in my mind only to Warren Morris in ’96.

Nebraska
-Beat Bill Callahan within an inch of is life with his own 42 pound playbook
-Survive a game in the student section of Folsom Field
-Give Tommie Frazier the Heisman that Eddie George stole from him

AERose, I second that.

@ 27— October 17th. Hope you can make it another 2+ months

Crabapple, you may be right about your hypothetical Ole Miss-Ohio State matchups, but there isn’t a Southern football fan alive likely to give you the benefit of the doubt. The school is 0-12 in bowls against Southern opponents if you include three losses to FSU and Clemson, and 1-10-2 in history against SEC schools not named Vanderbilt or Kentucky.

chg,

You have a memory of convenience. Miami is still in the south isn’t it? I remember January 3, 2003 like it was yesterday. Now quit trying to include other schools in the SEC. 0-9 is bad enough. Even SEC fans know we could have beaten Ole Miss in any of the 30 previous years, and yes, I remember Eli Manning went there too.

Actually
I dont think Florida or the South claims Miami…..maybe Cuba does, but I am really not sure

Penn State:

We can finally take “Beat Michigan” off the list

1) Not have a soul-crushing last second loss that ruins a perfect regular season. (’05, ’08)
2) Sell out to Phil Knight and wear gimmicky uniforms.
3) Go through the magical voyage of a coaching search.

AE Rose, totally agree. However, you forgot…watch Cal destroy Texas in the Rose Bowl 70-0. And with five seconds to go in the game, Dumpster Muffin throws genuine organic Bear manure on top of Mack Brown’s head, followed by Jeff Tedford aka God, throwing his hands in the air Johnny Drama style, and yelling, VICTORY! Not like I have hard feelings. Go Bears!

@34 – I’d make a snarky comment about a Tech fan quoting a scifi movie, but that was actually pretty funny.

Texas State:

-Do not get stuck in the Sun Belt Conference
-Beat the ever-living snot out of the burnt orange minor league team in Austin and the Dallas Cowboys feeder program in College Station
-Do not get stuck in the Sun Belt Conference
-Implement a program that automatically smacks any Texas State student wearing a UT shirt on campus in the face with at least 10 lemon meringue pies
-Learn that the phrases “important game” and “full stadium” are supposed to go together
-Blackmail the commissioners of C-USA, the WAC and the MWC with photos of them having affairs with trannie hookers, in order not get stuck in the Sun Belt Conference

Syracuse
- Attend a major bowl game where half the players on the field went to Syracuse, rather than half the broadcasters
- Hire a competent warlock to make sure the ‘Curse of Greg Robinson’ has stayed with him and is now attached to Michigan
- Spend some time standing guard on statues of Ernie Davis and other Syracuse greats to make sure no era-inapproriate Nike logos appear

Sorry, Crabapple. I wasn’t trying to overlook Miami or your title. They are physically located in the South. So is Mexican Big Six conference, but I don’t consider them Southern either. It has nothing to do with any attempt to overlook or downplay that win, and everything to do with the culture of the school and city. Anything below Orlando is not Southern.

Back to Ohio State, if not for the fact that you have actually played and lost to South Carolina in two NYD bowls, I suspect you would have the same attitude towards the Gamecocks. Unless you are surrounded by SEC fans, I really don’t think you know the strength of the average SEC fans convictions about your Buckeyes.

I would almost guarantee if you poll SEC fans about potential bowl match-ups (meaning seasons where the two programs were on relatively equal footing and could conceivably meet in a bowl) between Ole Miss and Ohio State, the overwhelming majority would go with Ole Miss. For instance, I would take last year’s Ole Miss over 2008 Ohio State in a bowl game.

@#44:

Why is a fan of the team from “Necessary Roughness” putting together a bucket list?

1. … but that would be insane. There’s little reason to think Mississippi could give Ohio State a game, let alone beat them. It’s about on the same level as a Pac 10 fan suggesting Oregon State would beat Alabama or Florida in a bowl game (at least with the Rogers brothers healthy). Or a Big Ten fan saying Iowa could take Oregon or USC down. Yes, all three teams upset the big dogs in their conference and could probably beat another conference’s big dog if they got the same bounces, but that’s extremely unlikley.

Wisconsin—

-Kinda sad, but I think we have already filled our bucket list with 3 Rose Bowl wins. Since no Badger fan really ever expects to win a national championship, I guess we’re done and it’s all downhill from here.

Utah:

-Talk about football without mentioning BYU.
-Talk about football without mentioning the Sugar Bowl.
-Score a goddamn point against UNLV in Las Vegas.
-Beat a BCS team on the road without them having an epically bad season.