Greg McMackin sits in a clutch of reporters at WAC Media Days. He discusses Hawai’i’s disappointing bowl game loss to Notre Dame. Digital recorders sit silently recording syllables.

McMackin: I know most of the coaches in the country are rooting for us to beat Notre Dame,” McMackin said. “Charlie gives this talk, ‘We do something special at Notre Dame,’ and (the players) get up and they do this little cheer … this little faggot dance.

Giggles. Then: sudden realization, followed by nauseating regret.

McMackin: Don’t write that ‘faggot’ down. I was misquoted,” he said. “Just please … cover for me,” McMackin said. “Go ahead, say ‘faggot dance.’ No. Please cover for me on that, too — right Karl? I’ll deny it. Anything else?

Reporter one: Could you clarify that, please?

McMackin: No, seriously. Please don’t print that. It was–

Reporter one: I just want to make sure you know what you’re saying here. What exactly is a “faggot dance?”

McMackin: No, really, I’m sorry, I chose my words poorly, and I–

Reporter two: [turns around laptop, points to picture.] Like this kind of dance?

McMackin: [cocks hip to side.] Now, that’s a bit too static. Too Paris is Burning for my tastes. When I said it, I meant–

Reporter three: How about like this? [turns around laptop, points to picture.]

McMackin: [laughs] Well, that’s closer. The first was too theatrical, but this is just salacious. Far too Fosse for my tastes, you know? It’s like Tom of Finland meets Fame, right? I mean you can just smell the bathhouse here.

Reporter two: Tell me, girl. All that dance is missing is a tub of Astroglide and some Sylvester playing in the background.

McMackin: Right?

Giggles.

Reporter one: So you’re saying you want something more akin to a heteronormative inversion expressed in dance instead of something so overwhemingly masculine?

McMackin looks relieved.

McMackin: Yes! Yes, yes, yes. You understand what I’m trying to paint here. Something truly sissified.

Reporter four: Oooh! Ooh! Coach!

McMackin: Yessssssssssssth? [they laugh]

Reporter Four: You mean like this?

McMackin: PERRRRRFECTO!!! Magnificent! Fabulous. Exactly what I was talking about: feminine but strong, fierce, with Frank Gatson all over it. Yes, yes. SOMEONE knows what I’m going for here.

Reporter four: I’m so glad you got that!

Reporter one: Pure Beyonce!

Reporter two: Give us a hug, hooker! All of you!

Reporter three: SINGLE LADIES!!!

They all group hug passionately.

Awkward silence.

McMackin: Um, but yeah. That’s F-A-G-G-O-T. Just make sure you spell it right.

Reporter Four: (scratches balls, spits.) Yeah. We’ll print it. Right after we go drink some beer and have sex with some women.

Reporter One: Right-o.

Reporter Two: Hey, who likes vagina?

All, in unison: US!!!!

Awkward silence. They leave.