A knock at the door of a bachelorette party somewhere in Iowa City.

Ladies, I'm sorry to interrupt the party. I'm gonna have to ask you to quiet down, ladies. I know, I know. You're having a bachelorette party, and you want to have some fun.

But we're working on film next door, and discussing coverages, and it's all really distracting for a group that could become the best linebacking corps in the Big Ten. The offseason is particularly important to us. It is the time when we gel as a team, study the opposition, and prepare ourselves physically and mentally for the rigors of the upcoming season. I know this is a special time for you, ma'am. Congratulations on your special day coming up.

We have a special day, too. It's our opener against Northern Iowa on September 5th. What position will I be playing, ma'am? I'm a linebacker, though if you need me to switch positions, I will. Especially if you ladies happen to need...

This music starts playing.

...A QUALITY TIGHT END FOR THE EVENING. WOOOO!!! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED COWBOY STYLE!!!

The camera fades as he begins to gyrate toward the bride.

FIN.

HT: Doc Saturday.