THIS RECRUIT MCGEE MUST BE SOMETHING
by Orson on Jul 28, 2009 11:49 AM EDT
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PrintThe same company must have been able to sell multiple schools on the same idea in a single offseason without alerting the other, since Arizona State University, Boston College, and now Colorado have all used the same interactive marketing app where you enter your name, phone number, and then get a virtual tour through the football offices where your name gets plastered onto welcome boards, a letter, and then the endzone.
And good for them: they managed to sell the same undoubtedly expensive product to three programs without altering the basic framework a lot, i.e. "having to do a lot of work." The Colorado variation at least has two wrinkles in your name appearing on Ralphie's blanket, and in Coach Dan Hawkins making what is by far the most JACKED AND ENTHUSED call to your phone. Making his third recruiting trip of the summer, Buttfuck McGee was impressed by the luxe facilities at CU, the array of impressive alumni appearing in the video (Hey! Joel Klatt! How many fingers am I holding up?), and the cameo by Bill McCartney. No, don't be offended by the name. It's pronounced "Philip," a confusion created by the spelling in the original Icelandic.
Hawkins, by the way, just suffered a bout with kidney stones so tenacious they required surgery. Naturally, he refers to this episode as "a gift." That's usually the way we think about episodes involving tiny, barbed mineral deposits engaged in a slow, excruciating tumble through our urinary tract. Heck, that's like Christmas, actually! A Christmas where blood comes out of your pee-pee and you put Dilaudid in your eggnog every ten minutes to keep from dying from the pain.
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Buttfuck McGee, Brian Brown would like to speak with you regarding your representation during your recruitment. Big B’s got connections with programs such as Miami and Tennessee. Let’s get PAID, young man!
by buddy randolph on Jul 28, 2009 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
I’d hate to see what kind of, ahem, lagniappe McGee had thrown his way during his official visit. Carry on, young scholar.
by WorstFan on Jul 28, 2009 12:51 PM EDT reply actions
Ah hell, I meant “Brian Butler.” The “Bryce Brown” thing tripped me up. Stupid alliterative names anyhow….
by buddy randolph on Jul 28, 2009 12:56 PM EDT reply actions
Iowa State has been sold the same software package as well.
by Matt Fegan on Jul 28, 2009 2:10 PM EDT reply actions
I wonder if running through a virtual smoke machine is still a NCAA violation
by blerms on Jul 28, 2009 2:46 PM EDT reply actions
Okay, total comment jack here, but the new Evony “girl” ad really didn’t need the post-op tranny did it? I think ol’ floppy boobs was better.
by justanotherbuckeye on Jul 28, 2009 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
So I’m not the only one who thinks she’s a bit, erm, mannish? That’s a relief…
by peachy on Jul 28, 2009 4:20 PM EDT reply actions
Whatever happened to the good ole days of recruitin, where the winning school was the one with the best whiskey and free hookers.
by Brian on Jul 28, 2009 4:21 PM EDT reply actions
Ol’ Buttfuck better be ready…this isn’t intramurals, brother!
by Brizzle on Jul 28, 2009 8:59 PM EDT reply actions
@6,
I was about to say the same thing. I think Colorado just committed the first digital recruiting violation.
by Baunch on Jul 29, 2009 10:16 AM EDT reply actions
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