MATT STAFFORD WOULD LIKE A HAT IN SIZE SEXTRA LARGE
by Orson on Jul 27, 2009 11:32 AM EDT
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This photo is slightly old cheese, but we'd like to note one thing here: while the rest of you were gawking at Stafford's harem, you may not have noticed the hat. The tremendous, pillbox-sized cloth igloo sitting backwards on his head, a hat large enough to bathe a toddler in should you need to, a noggin cozy so tremendous that holding it out a car window would likely flip anything but the sturdiest of automobiles. We've only seen Stafford sans chapeau a few times, but if his head really is that huge, then he's worth 15 yards per play in the NFL already, as any waving of the arms by defenders within ten yards will result in a roughing the passer penalty. That's a $41.7 million planetoid with its own atmosphere; should Stafford ever be ejected into the cold depths of space, he could survive for three days on his own supply of rich oxygen surrounding his skull.
Summarized: his head is huge. He seems to be doing well, though, for someone whose progeny would easily split a birthing mother in two.
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God Bless America, indeed.
And plastic surgeons, too.
by GamecockTony on Jul 27, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions
I knew it!! I knew I shoulda been a Div-I and No.1 overall draft pick!!
by CincySooner on Jul 27, 2009 11:41 AM EDT reply actions
Hate to burst your bubble Orson, but up until last year, on-field baseball caps like the one Stafford is wearing were quite a bit deeper than your typical hat. His head may indeed have its own gravitational pull, but it probably is not filling that entire hat.
by JD on Jul 27, 2009 11:45 AM EDT reply actions
- 3 – a common regret for us all..
- 5 – what happened last year?
by DanF on Jul 27, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions
I think Neil Cavuto has him beat. The size of his head on the screen of a 60" Plasma Tv is the actual size. Stafford may give the Offensive Lineman from LSU, Herman Johnson, a run for his money.
by Mr.Pelican Pants on Jul 27, 2009 11:52 AM EDT reply actions
#5—We realize that, but that’s a fitted, and good lord if that’s his size, even perched like a fez on top of his head, that’s still a veritable Atlas Stone he’s got up there.
by Orson Swindle on Jul 27, 2009 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
Now that’s a hat even Les Miles could be proud of…
In other news: Bewbs!!!
by haybeav on Jul 27, 2009 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
- - New Era (the company that makes the official MLB hats) decided to shrink the 59 FIFTY hat worn on the field. Now MLB teams wear hats that are the same size as the ones gang members and posers have been wearing at jaunty angles for years. I know this because I replaced my old Devil Rays hat (somehow my head had gotten bigger) and was upset to learn that the old style didn’t exist anymore.
by JD on Jul 27, 2009 11:54 AM EDT reply actions
I had to look at that pic twice, I’ll take the blond next to Stafford in case of emergency, for buoyancy, and I didnt realize the other blond was looking down, and she looked like Cousin IT at first glance, nuthin but hair and sunglasses for a face….
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 27, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions
Good for his big-noggin’d self. This is what Lee Greenwood was singing about – if you’re born genetically superior and a discouragingly vast number of arbitrary dominoes fall into place, you can be whatever you want to be.
by haveagreatday on Jul 27, 2009 12:07 PM EDT reply actions
Our boy sure has come a long way from dancing on tables in crappy ’Ole Miss apartments.
by ahahah on Jul 27, 2009 12:13 PM EDT reply actions
It looks like Stafford has managed to domesticate a blonde Titasaurus specimen. Once considered quite rare, sightings of these delightful creatures are becoming routine in warmer climes, especially Miami, and the state of Georgia.
by Bearcrawls on Jul 27, 2009 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
The Flavor-Flave bargain bin glasses are even goofier than his hat.
by Bearcrawls on Jul 27, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions
That’s a photo from his mission work in the Virgin Islands.
Take that Tim Tebow!
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jul 27, 2009 12:17 PM EDT reply actions
I am guessing that the purple bikini top our buoyant blonde bunny is wearing must be made of teflon to keep from being torn asunder by those massive melons. I think the poor girl next to her is looking down at her own rack (or lack thereof) in shame.
by Double Eagle on Jul 27, 2009 12:58 PM EDT reply actions
Now that’s a diversified portfolio: Speed (blondes, natch), Endurance (brunettes) and buyancy (Ms. Funbags, playing a dual role). My wife’s comment: “Even when he wears his hat like a douchebag, he still looks like a nice boy.”
by Tommy on Jul 27, 2009 1:22 PM EDT reply actions
I hate UGAg but “that’s thinkin’ with yer dipstick.”
A tip of my (correctly sized and facing forward) cap to you sir, for your buffet of biotches you have on your hands.
by Jacket And Coke on Jul 27, 2009 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Now that was offside, wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.
by ESMjr. on Jul 27, 2009 2:18 PM EDT reply actions
@ #14:
Aren’t there rumored sightings in SoCal loitering around Pete Carroll’s office?
by idahobuckeye on Jul 27, 2009 4:21 PM EDT reply actions
@16 – there’s nothing “virgin” in that photo, I assure you.
by GamecockTony on Jul 27, 2009 4:47 PM EDT reply actions
All this talk about the hat and nothing about the pink sunglasses?
by Irwin Fletcher on Jul 27, 2009 5:07 PM EDT reply actions
the one in the purple is actually a uga cheerleader. she used to play basketball at ramsey with all the guys and was actually pretty decent. i’m not sure if that was the actual skill or just the fact that everyone wanted to guard her. i never knew she was so…blessed.
by hailtogeorgia on Jul 28, 2009 8:47 AM EDT reply actions
@31 -
judging from the fact that her facebook picture is a picture of her and stafford together, the offseason blessing idea is certainly plausible. i think a number one overall draft pick might’ve bought himself a gift that benefitted both parties. either that, or sports bras inhibit a lot more than i thought.
by hailtogeorgia on Jul 28, 2009 10:33 AM EDT reply actions
It’s like Sputnik. Quite spherical and yet pointy in parts.
But the real question is if we are all seeing the real Pentavirate in this photo. I can’t see Stafford’s wee beady eyes due to the glasses though.
by Meg on Jul 28, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions
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