CURIOUS INDEX, 7/21/09

by Orson on Jul 21, 2009 9:29 AM EDT

His self-lacerating wit and rolling New Orleans piano are unparalleled.

Voila! The SEC Media days schedule is here, and leads off with two interviews customized for the post lunch coma period: Bobbys Petrino and Johnson. AL.com will be covering the living hell out of this thing, as will ourselves,Clay Travis, and Rocky Top Talk. We promise the only pantsless coverage in an effort to provide something no one else is doing, because overcovered won't begin to describe what this event will be by 5:00 on Thursday.

Watch your ass, Herrick. Louie's right behind you. Former Ole Miss qb Michael Herrick will get his chance to start at last, albeit not at Ole Miss, but at Northern Arizona, where he will enjoy a brief but successful career as qb before suffering the fate of all students at NAU, a swift but extremely painful death at the hands of the scariest fucking mascot in college football, Louie the Slaughtering Psychopath of a Lumberjack. He cuts off limbs/He chips up bones/He likes to press your throat. Fun note from the article: Ed Orgeron can kill your ability to dream, and make you stare out the window holding lilacs and smiling ruefully about the soft-faced innocent you were before the world crushed your dreams.

Well, yeah. One reason why a proposed Army/Notre Dame game is a bad idea? A very obvious reason? It's a crap matchup where Notre Dame will wipe the floor with an overmatched Black Knights team, will provide even less reason for New York as a whole to pay attention to college football, and will cost massive bucks to attend. Now, Rutgers versus a team of lovely Russian mail order brides? NOW CARL'S INTERESTED YEAH BABEEEE.

Be healed! (Stares intensely) GIGGITY HEAL-ATARKUS!!! Various forms of medical treatment and intense staring and hoodooing have Greg Hardy on pace to recover from a foot injury and start the season for Ole Miss, where he plans to give the 100% effort he gives for three games a year, and then phone in the rest before turning in an amazing combine performance to hornswaggle a team out of a huge chunk of money in the NFL Draft.

How Hotel Rwanda of you. Gregg Doyel calls Finebaum a cockroach, which makes him a Hutu genocidaire, which may be the best description of what Doyel does as a writer. And as with Rwanda, no one's going to save us by bombing the tower he uses to broadcast, and he's likely to end up where most columnists will end up: in the refugee camp that is AOL Sports. It's like Goma, but with Jay Mariotti instead of murderous machete-wielding thugs, which means it is exactly like Goma. [/refugeelore'd]

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he’s likely to end up where most columnists will end up: in the refugee camp that is AOL Sports. It’s like Goma, but with Jay Mariotti instead of murderous machete-wielding thugs, which means it is exactly like Goma.

There’s a Terance Moore joke to be made here. I’m just not sure whether he’s supposed to be the wielder or the wieldee.

by MaconDawg on Jul 21, 2009 9:45 AM EDT reply actions

al.com has some really well-thought articles on their SEC Media Days page.

Scarbinsky: Will Florida’s Urban Meyer, like Tim Tebow, live up to his promise?
by Kevin Scarbinsky — Birmingham News

Georgia grumbling: If Bulldogs stumble, Coach Mark Richt will face intensifying pressure
by Paul Finebaum, Sports Columnist

I think I’ll get my information somewhere where the obvious is less obviuos.

by Dumb as a Bag of Bammers on Jul 21, 2009 9:58 AM EDT reply actions

That is so outstanding that there are no words, a’ight.

by speechless on Jul 21, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

Bravo Freek.

Well worth ignoring that patient on the ventilator.

by NewAZTiger on Jul 21, 2009 10:05 AM EDT reply actions

@ 2

Yeah, if Georgia thinks they can do better than Richt, and they don’t just idiot writers like the above, we will happily take him off their hands.

by Coop on Jul 21, 2009 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

I’m breathlessly awaiting Les Miles’ renditions of Every Man A King /The Kingfish and Louisiana 1927.

He sure can do a badass cover of Randy Newman.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 21, 2009 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

I will endorse Rutgers/Notre Dame at Yankee Stadium if it leads to Master Shake trying to mow the yard by lighting it on fire, and BURNING THAT BITCH DOWN.

by JD on Jul 21, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

#6, I’m waiting the Hat’s version of Rednecks.

by johnny douche on Jul 21, 2009 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

Is that Greg Doyel guy serious? I mean I think Finebaum is a douche too, but come on. He even says that he isn’t even that interested in college football and only wants MMA to be the biggest sport in America. Meatheads with word processors are funny!

by Vol on Jul 21, 2009 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

Instead of Notre Dame vs. Army at Yankee Stadium I would much rather see Predator vs. Alien vs. Hogwarts vs. Middle Earth.

by Anonymous IV on Jul 21, 2009 11:51 AM EDT reply actions

Hopefully the Hat’ll be honest and retain “College Men from LSU. Went in dumb, came out dumb too. Hustlin round Atlanta in their alligator shoes, gettin drunk every weekend at the barbeque.”

The next phrase will require, let us say, tasteful editing on his part.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 21, 2009 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

Twenty bucks says Gregg Doyel owns an Ed Hardy shirt.

by JimHalpert on Jul 21, 2009 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

I like how the SEC has Kiffykins talking during the last session on Friday. Something tells me the SEC either
1) has told Lane to shut up and listen to how it’s done before putting his foot in his mouth, or
2) figures they can go out with a bang by having Lane run his mouth with no one else to rebut him until they take the field in September.

by Geaux Irish on Jul 21, 2009 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Doyel worked for the Charlotte Observer in another life. His deal is to generate hits by taking ridiculous positions on topics, it was against the Big 4 but Duke and Carolina mostly while in Charlotte, and try to get as much attention as possibly which he leveraged, I guess, into a spot on CBS Sportsline.

That he is trying to get attention by going after the Deep South attention whore, and slobber of Alabama knobs, is somehow satisfying. I think his interest in the MMA is an act to anger the people who read him, but just an opinion.

by Coop on Jul 21, 2009 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

wow. the Cape Fear part at the end was just fantastic, sublime even.

by tempebamafan on Jul 21, 2009 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

“where he plans to give the 100% effort he gives for three games a year, and then phone in the rest before turning in an amazing combine performance to hornswaggle a team out of a huge chunk of money in the NFL Draft.”

Wishful thinking, Orson. Wishful thinking….

Actually, it woudln’t at all be surprising. Hardy, at times, has the attitude of a misunderstood freak of nature who was forced into playing football by an overbearing father.

“But Daaaaaad, I don’t wanna chase the ball. I wanna DRAW and DANCE!”

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Jul 21, 2009 2:19 PM EDT reply actions

@16 I agree. He’s like a mix between Lawrence Taylor and Todd from Wedding Crashers.

by JimHalpert on Jul 21, 2009 3:35 PM EDT reply actions

yoyofutball,

pretty sure Miles’ doesn’t have enough sense to edit the next verse but to insure that he didn’t offend anyone he would say “have a great day” at the end of the verse.

by johnny douche on Jul 21, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

we can hack his achilles tendon, leave him in the church, go home for dinner, and come back with machetes tomorrow! that UN report was some tough reading, mang.

by Nick Black on Jul 21, 2009 9:01 PM EDT reply actions

Great vid as usual from Freek, but it brought up a question: who the fuck really listens to Randy Newman?

by Brizzle on Jul 22, 2009 12:03 AM EDT reply actions

Brizzle @ 20
I’m with ya’, aight. I hate that bastard.

by Nick Saban on Jul 22, 2009 8:38 AM EDT reply actions

In no particular order: Godfather I and II, Citizen Kane, Shawshank Redemption, and Freek’s interpretation of Les Miles covering “Short People.” It’s Freek’s world, and we’re all just little Sabans trying to get a nut.

by BMan on Jul 22, 2009 8:12 PM EDT reply actions