GREAT MOMENTS IN JUXTAPOSITION

by Orson on Jul 20, 2009 2:37 PM EDT

Georgia commit and highly esteemed recruit Garrison Smith is a devout Christian who has decided to remain abstinent until he finds his future wife. We did the same thing, but not by choice, of course--there's only so many ladies turned on by 20 sided tie and fireworks burns on the carpet indoors. Smith is doing it for religious reasons, something he realizes will make people point and laugh at him in Muntzian style:

"I know a lot of people will laugh at me, but I'm trying to practice abstinence," Smith said. "That's a big thing for me."

When he plays angry for Georgia, at least you will know why he is so angry and frustrated. Fighting Beavers will wear any man out, especially if you're attempting to keep their snapping jaws at arm's length, a visual that has to be the sole explanation for wearing this t-shirt in your interview with Rivals:

Fighting Beavers. We do the same thing, Garrison, though usually for no longer than 2 minutes at a time, and in a very different way than you would.

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What a bold move for someone who’ll play football in the SEC and literally have the pick of the litter as for as hot Southern Belles go.

by Kevin@LSU on Jul 20, 2009 2:51 PM EDT reply actions

Pardon my being cynical, but somehow I think that either the course of true love is going to move very fast for young Mr Smith, or he’s going to praying on whether or not it’s true that eatin ain’t cheatin.

by dc trojan on Jul 20, 2009 2:59 PM EDT reply actions

Even the guys at BYU get the top choice Mormon ass. If this guy is going to pull a Britney every night to get it, shit, I want to be his divorce lawya.

by BurritoBrosShits on Jul 20, 2009 3:02 PM EDT reply actions

By the time he gets married his wanking arm will be twice the size of his other.

by chronic masturbater on Jul 20, 2009 3:05 PM EDT reply actions

I predict a lot of “what what in the butt” in Mr. Smith’s college career. Technical virginity, people!

by Signal to Noise on Jul 20, 2009 3:10 PM EDT reply actions

When Garrison talks to girls does he get advice from a tiny A.C Green on his one shoulder and a tiny Travis Henry on the other?

by Joe Tereshinski IV on Jul 20, 2009 3:38 PM EDT reply actions

I’ve got to admit I clicked into the comments to see if the scold from Atlanta (guy who supported outlawing liquor sales on game day) was weighing in on behalf of virginity.

I really need the season to start. Aren’t we right around 50 days?

by ohiodawg on Jul 20, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Considering Georgia’s tendancy to supply the butt, I’m surprised he’s still such a stong commit to the Dawgs.

by CincySooner on Jul 20, 2009 3:54 PM EDT reply actions

How I got through 26 years of life without ever hearing the phrase “Eatin Aint Cheatin” is a mystery to me. And we need someone in Athens to counter the Team Jesus theme. How about D Line /Scotch and Cigarette Coordinator C Hitchens?

by Herschel Walker Cuyler on Jul 20, 2009 4:08 PM EDT reply actions

@Joe Tereshinski IV

We totally need LSUFreak on top of that, pronto

by Nathan on Jul 20, 2009 4:20 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, as I understand abstinence, it’s a binary state, right? Either you are or you aren’t? “Trying to practice” sounds kinda like being “A little bit pregnant”.

by Holly on Jul 20, 2009 4:49 PM EDT reply actions