FULMER CUP: CHAMPAGNE WITH THE CAMPAIGN

This story would make so much more sense if Anthony Dixon had been pulled over, and then said to the officer: "This all makes sense. First, I was hit on my an anime character with eyes like orange slices and a squeaky but irresistible schoolgirl charm. Also, she was wearing a schoolgirl's uniform, and that's my thing."

"Go on."

"So, what I'm telling you is that the reason there's two champagne bottles on the floor of my car, and it's all the fault of this bossy anime schoolgirl who was here just up until three seconds before you got here. She was...right...here..."

"Was that who you were arguing with?"

Money's on Andre Cold Duck, but you never know. Perhaps the Bulldogs' starting running back and senior had graduated up to Korbel, or maybe even gotten lofty enough with his taste in the bubbly to class up to Perrier-Jouet or Veuve Clicquot. Whatever the case, the disappearing anime girl who demands champagne from lonely football players strikes again, and earns Dixon three points in the Fulmer Cup, two points for the initial offense, and one point for flair in leaving the bottles on the floor of the car.