CURIOUS INDEX, 7/17/09

by Orson on Jul 17, 2009 9:27 AM EDT

He also farted in his locker. Why people are aghast at Tim Tebow not being a unanimous choice for All-SEC qb in the preseason voting is befuddling. You know damn well who did it.

He's gonna be double mad when he sees what Kiffykins did to his car in the parking lot!

Now with vitamin C(ontext) Since you'll likely see the quote about how Urban Meyer says Utah likely couldn't survive the grind of the SEC, and how uncharitable this is toward his former team, let us wheel out the rest of the quote for you to see that there is context to the quote, that Urban Meyer's not a total dick toward his old employers, and that he ends up crediting the Utes in the end:

"But there are other conferences out there who can't survive the grind, either. I can't disagree. I don't know if I'm supposed to say that or not. I certainly listen to them because I know them and I know their coach (Kyle Whittingham). To tell me he's not a BCS coach or those aren't BCS players, that's not true."

Florida hasn't survived the SEC unscathed in his tenure, and we have two national titles. The man says that out of hard experience. He also refers to the 9-4 2007 team as "terrible" in the article, something we'd like to thank him for after pulling out our left eyeball during the Capital One Bowl. (The new glass eye, though, can hold two shots of vodka, and is handy for winning bar bets. Thanks, Chad Henne!)

If he'd chop blocked like he asked him to, this wouldn't have happened. Chaz Ramsey, a former Auburn offensive lineman, is suing for the NFL money he would have earned had he not gone to Auburn, gotten intimidated back into the weight room when he was injured, and thus suffered further injuries that ended his playing career. Considering the odds, this is like you suing your eighth grade math teacher for hindering your dreams of becoming an astronaut, when your own lacking analytical abilities are more likely to blame. The wrinkle is that Ramsey isn't suing Auburn, but is instead focusing on trucking executive and former line coach Hugh Nall and trainer Arnold Gamber. Bold thinking that won't get him a dime in the lawsuit, but the legal innovation and sheer balls has to earn some golf claps from the Category Fivers in the audience today.

BTW, if our eighth grade math teacher is reading this right now, we hope you're doing it on a 64K modem through a veil of flames in hell itself.

It will improve your defense, spice up your love life, and take three strokes off your golf game. The Solid Verbal podcast features the only person who thinks about NCAA Football more than you, Russ Kiniry, the designer of the game who's just handing out free advice on how not to get humiliated at the hands of 13 year olds when you play the preseason's most necessary of addictions.

Let's leave the football field out of this. The desecration of the sacred acre is objectionable, but the style is undeniable.

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Comments

They have 64K modems in Hell? I think you mean 56K. Or if you really hate your teacher, you can wish a 2400 baud modem upon him like I once had. (When I was your age… Get off my lawn… etc.)

by zibby on Jul 17, 2009 9:33 AM EDT reply actions

The coaches should man-up and share their votes with the fans.

We know Missy State (Dan the Man) voted for Tebow. We beat UA – Ole Miss didn’t. So put Saban in the Tebow column. Same for Vandy. I would think Rich Brooks after that massacre would agree. Same for Les, Richt, and the OBC, That leaves Petrino, Chizik, and Kiffykins. My vote is Petrino though Kiffykins would be great fodder for the fire.

by hobeg8r on Jul 17, 2009 9:47 AM EDT reply actions

It was Spurrier because he knows everyone will think Kiffy did it.

by Tom Kazanski on Jul 17, 2009 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

3, that does sound like something Spurrier would do just to pile it on Kiffy. Good point.

by Daviegator on Jul 17, 2009 10:24 AM EDT reply actions

The best thing to come out of Tebow not being the unanimous selection is Dan Sahnoff’s hyperventilating hissyfit.

by ChasingMizzou on Jul 17, 2009 10:28 AM EDT reply actions

Hey, Chaz! Maybe you should sue karma, you cheater!

by haveagreatday on Jul 17, 2009 10:39 AM EDT reply actions

Spurrier voting on Tebow – I don’t think a former QB would do that to another QB.

Oh, and reportedly – Dustin Doe was arrested for driving on a suspended driver’s license. Is that 1 point or 2 (because it’s a Gator?)

by hobeg8r on Jul 17, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

I hope Glenn Dorsey gets called for jury duty.

by JimHalpert on Jul 17, 2009 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

I also do not suspect OBC. Voting for a preseason all-conference team doesn’t seem like the place for high-level subterfuge. No, this is most likely the work of a stone cold crazy person.

by JD on Jul 17, 2009 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

It was the ghost of mike shula since tebow spurned him….

by Ramblin Dreck on Jul 17, 2009 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

The economy must be horrible if someone actually took that case. L-O-S-E-R.

by Domer Guy on Jul 17, 2009 1:04 PM EDT reply actions

Fun Fact: Russ Kiniry will die a virgin.

by Big Head on Jul 17, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

Thanks for the context, but Urban’s still a total dick.

I just got out of a meeting with a guy who went to Alabama. After howling about how they whipped us in Athens for awhile, he came to his senses and said something to the effect of, “sure, Saban’s an asshole, and I wouldn’t invite him over for dinner, but he’s not there to make friends.”

by ohiodawg on Jul 17, 2009 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

Maybe Chazzy’s lawyah has forgotten that Alabama still uses contributory negligence … I’m busy drafting a complaint against my highschool football coach for cutting me from the team for being “sickly.”

by SH on Jul 17, 2009 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

To #14 – good thing Auburn’s not in Alabama (as far as anyone knows).

by rtr on Jul 17, 2009 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

Evil Richt.

I’m just sayin’.

It’s an “odd” year.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jul 17, 2009 3:48 PM EDT reply actions

Somebody should tell SOS that he can’t cut the cheese wherever he pleases.

by JJ Gator on Jul 17, 2009 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Tebow was NOT unanimous in last year’s post-season team either. Check your Kiffins at the door…it wasn’t him!

http://www.secsports.com/index.php?url_article_id=11926&change_well_id=2

by Wes on Jul 17, 2009 6:45 PM EDT reply actions

Depending upon how the facts play out, Chas Ramsey might have a decent case: coaches pushing kids to disobey doctor’s orders after surgery? Bad!. The problem, of course, is proving damages.

by beachgator on Jul 18, 2009 9:27 AM EDT reply actions