THIRD STRING PRESEASON SEC QB: STEVIAN GARTLINE

by Orson on Jul 16, 2009 4:30 PM EDT

This won't be true at the end of the year due to players getting experience, racking up respectable stats, and the inevitable but unpredictable quantum leaps collegiate quarterbacks take with good coaching and time. (Carson Palmer 2000, bust; Carson Palmer 2002, brilliant Stiffarm Paperweight winner.) For the moment, though, attempting to pick a third-team preseason All-SEC quarterback is hard unless you're picking Jarrett Lee, and then you're just being a cheeky dick. (We'd start him first team over Tebow if it meant the fourteen points free casino credit you get when facing an LSU team with him under center.)

The third team All-SEC starter? Brian Hartline/Steven Garcia, or as we prefer to call him, Stevian Gartline.

He's a bitch, he's a liar, he's a conservative pocket passer who likes to embark on wild out-of pocket runs, he's a Gamecat with feathers and claws, he's fumble-prone and not, he's got immense talent and a looming BUY rating as a former blue-chip recruit, he's everything in between and no you would't want an any other way. He has four legs, and all of them moving at once means trouble.

(Seriously: How could you not take Jordan Jefferson over either of these guys? And how much rhetorical cropdusting is it to fart upon the third spot by splitting it between two very mediocre qbs?)

Yeah. It's Mike Hartline. We blame society and sleep deprivation for the error.

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“Seriously: How could you not take Jordan Jefferson over either of these guys?”

Maybe him being 1-1 as a starter had something to do with it. Jefferson looked great against GA Tech, but was average at best against Ole Miss and Arkansas, the two worst pass defenses in the SEC last season.

He’s got an assload of potential, but I would hate for coaches to make their All-SEC selections based on such a thing.

by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Jul 16, 2009 4:38 PM EDT reply actions

But Gartline? Aren’t you kind of in full-blown hypothetical mode at this point?

by Orson Swindle on Jul 16, 2009 4:40 PM EDT reply actions

…or Joey Cox?

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jul 16, 2009 4:42 PM EDT reply actions

Not to distract from Stevian’s emergence, but Brian Hartline played for Ohio State. Mike Hartline plays for Kentucky.

However, both of them are sorta douchey.

by Sam on Jul 16, 2009 4:54 PM EDT reply actions

I would not go with Jefferson for the following two reasons:

1) LSU seems to have a quick enough hook and/or has no problem platooning QBs.
2) Russell Sheppard*

- You did not know who Jordan Jefferson was at this time last year, either.

by Coop on Jul 16, 2009 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

Prepare to feel the flabby inadequacy of your gene pool – there are at least two sets of brothers that each made one of the teams. The Pouncey twins at UF and Chad Jones and Rahim Alem at LSU.

by haveagreatday on Jul 16, 2009 5:15 PM EDT reply actions

What I find strange is that Tebow wasn’t unanimous. So that meant some coach (other than Giggity) had to vote Snead ahead of Tebow. I wonder who that was.

by hobeg8r on Jul 16, 2009 5:37 PM EDT reply actions

As Redcrake commented on Blutarsky’s site, shouldn’t Tebow be 1st, 2nd, and 3rd team? The Holy Trinity?

by Will Q on Jul 16, 2009 7:55 PM EDT reply actions

by these standards, mallett should have been named 3rd team simply by his freshman showing 24 months ago along w/ his fulmer cup contribution.

and i’d bet petrino didn’t pick tebow…just to spite fla fans in atlanta. he left a note.

by Hawgimoto on Jul 16, 2009 8:37 PM EDT reply actions

Being totally besotted on the road in the Chigger (Chikin/Tiger) State, this is an affront to Brandon Cox fans everywhere. Garcia has only to deal with a visor in his asshole. Not only did Cox have to deal with sand in his vagina but also with Tuberville’s ears up his asshole.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 16, 2009 10:35 PM EDT reply actions

Shit by this time next year it’ll be

1. Tebow
2. Snead
3. Ryan Mallett

Which means it should be him now!

by HogDom on Jul 17, 2009 1:25 AM EDT reply actions

“How could you not take Jordan Jefferson over either of these guys?”

By watching the 2008 LSU-South Carolina game. Garcia displayed more ability than either LSU QB by a country mile…well, until he was knocked out cold. He’s certainly not the 3rd best QB in the SEC right now, but Jefferson and Lee were put in “just hand it off to Charles Scott” mode by the end of the first half.

by SM on Jul 17, 2009 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

Gamecock homer alert. Garcia had some nice scrambles in that game until our defense decided they had enough and knocked him out. Can’t say I remember seeing great potential on the field.

Certainly agree that jefferson is unproven but he did not play in the USC game and I would think has as much chance as Garcia at being a successful SEC QB.

by Garciascrambler on Jul 17, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

For the moment, though, attempting to pick a third-team preseason All-SEC quarterback is hard unless you’re picking Jarrett Lee…

… and taking it the other way for a quick six points.

ZING!!

by CincySooner on Jul 17, 2009 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

UK student.

Hartline? LOL. If they were going for a joke, Jared Lorenzen would’ve been funnier. But Coach Brooks doesn’t have time for silly shit like jokes.

by OldSouth on Jul 17, 2009 2:11 PM EDT reply actions

You have looked The Hartline directly in the eye. You probably have limited time left, best spend it wisely.

by Not the Mama on Jul 17, 2009 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

I like any story that mentions cropdusting.

by Brizzle on Jul 17, 2009 4:07 PM EDT reply actions

Garcia, with Mcconaughey riding shotgun, also threw for 215 yds and a TD against LSU, so it wasn’t just a couple of nice runs. LSU decided to die by the blitz in the 2nd half and they absolutely crushed us. Frankly, Garcia never had a prayer and the blame lies with USC’s OL.

Additionally, Garcia was 10-14, 169 yds, 1 TD and a passing eff. of 196.4 vs. the then number one defense in the SEC, UK. He pretty much came in and won that game for USC against the Wildcats and beat Hartline straight up.

by Mike on Jul 17, 2009 4:18 PM EDT reply actions