CURIOUS INDEX, 7/16/2009
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At Georgia, We Give ‘Em Their Own 7-11 They Can Rob Anytime You Want. Lewis Grizzard on college football, other assorted redneck jokes, and an accent you really can’t believe existed. Also, should you find the Georgia-centric humor too much to bear, it’s all set to cheesecake photos of women in Florida gear to ease the pain. On Ohio State/Michigan: “I was not impressed. Reminded me of two mules fightin’ over a turnip.” Also, for those who can’t listen to it, let us share with you the best description of Clemson ever: “It’s just Auburn with a lake.” AIN’T YOU SEEN NONE OF MY STUNNING ONE-LINERS? Samuel L. Jackson, ladies and gentlemen: “Mark, I admire you for leaving USC early. Most players wouldn’t want to take pay cut.” If you’re looking for his belt buckle, it’s the one that says “unexpectedly witty motherfucker to someone’s face.” Gosh Almighty. Starting off a post with “you’re an antagonistic cunt” and then applying the gas is a helluva way to thrust into a blogpost, but Red Cup Rebellion goes pelvis first into it and doesn’t stop re: Paul Finebaum’s Tour de Irk through the Southeastern Conference and particularly his stop covering Ole Miss. At least he’s keeping bloggers busy, though Ole Miss fans have other thing to keep their eyes on, namely Greg Hardy’s re-injured foot. Donk up your life. The Mizzou donkasaurus is for sale, presumably because Chase Daniel’s a bit short on cash at the moment, or at least until he unveils his true age to Daniel Snyder, at which point the Redskins owner will immediately offer the 38 year old incoming NFL rookie a $473 million contract. Damn you Bumpuses!!! Jonte Bumpus: he exists, and he is fabulous. |
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1
Counter Trap says:
Take it from those of us who remember Mark and Brian introducing Finebaum as “Birmingham’s favorite little hate monger”: Give to St. Jude Hospital, read the works of Dickens or Shakespeare, go into home brewing, play with your kids, come up with elaborate ways of making Jonathan Crompton jokes with Holly and/or Tebow’s-eligibility-is-gone pokes at Orson…ANYTHING constructive.
Letting Paul Finebaum ruin your day is the mortal sin right up the ladder from Brad Pitt shooting Kevin Spacey.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:05 am
2
Vol says:
My old man hated the Bumpus hounds…
July 16th, 2009 at 9:06 am
3
pic6bamr says:
Least surprising bit of info for today: Greg Hardy was in HIS 2005 Cadillac Escalade when it was struck by another vehicle. Its good to see the economy isn’t effecting the pay of college D linemen.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:07 am
4
Coop says:
We all sound like that once we reach a certain age. God, on the other hand, probably sounds like more Herman Talmadge than anybody, or so I have heard. I like to think he sounds like a young Strom or an older Fritz.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:25 am
5
DurhamO says:
God, I miss Lewis Grizzard.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:29 am
6
Ray says:
Well played, Samuel L., but I liked the joke better when Jon Stewart used it at the Oscars last year.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:40 am
7
Jonathan says:
And Virginia Tech is Auburn with mountains.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:58 am
8
Vandy J says:
I first heard the Dawg Story in 1986. It still makes me snort drank out my nose. RIP Lewis.
July 16th, 2009 at 10:00 am
9
hailstate says:
Jerry Clower talks college football: http://tiny.cc/X1K81
July 16th, 2009 at 11:10 am
10
Double Dawg Dare Ya says:
Grizzard once took offense at a Tech fan’s suggestion that the University will toss a diploma into your car if you drive through Athens with your windows down. Lewis correctly noted that you have to at least slow down first. Ah, the good ole days of the SEC…we only did it because we had to compete with the Southwest Conference.
July 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
11
ALGator says:
Se’m Eh-le’m
July 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am
12
DrB says:
We resent the allegation that Clemson is Auburn with a lake, I’ve been to Auburn and it looks nothing like it.
Plus we dont put our diplomas in the toilet dispenser, we have em outside the door.
July 16th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
13
Wozzo the Wonder Dog says:
Grizzard’s column ran one column-width down the left side of an interior section of the Journal-Constitution. My favorite Grizzard column (even better than “Why I Wouldn’t Go to a Soccer Game if It Were in my Backyard and the Beer Was Free”) was after Georgia Tech accomplished the rare task of beating Georgia twice in a row – the column read “I don’t want to talk about it.” and was blank all the rest of the way to the bottom.
“That dog’ll BITE you!!!”
July 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
14
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
I dont know what Ole Miss is pissed about. They can stop their crowing after getting beat by a loaded Vandy next year, even if they get by a decent Memphis, in Memphis.
Vandy is one team I am glad Bama dont have to play next year. Never thought I would see the day where Vanderbilt IS the best team in Tenn. 2 yrs running, hell,they get back 19 starters.
July 16th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
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Coop says:
@ 14
Vandy could not beat ACC lightweights Duke and Wake. Just because Vandy could beat SCar, hey two years in a row, Auburn, and Ole Miss cannot mean too much. I mean, the ACC is just so terrible…
July 16th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
16
beckett says:
Coop — maybe the non-Bama/UF teams in the SEC just arent that good either? I mean if Vandy finishes toward the top of the division, and thats you’re argument against liking them, it doesnt speak well of the conference.
July 16th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
17
Coop says:
@ 16
If you will recall last season, specifically September to early October, every SEC fan in the country was jumping over one another to proclaim that Vandy was legitimate. For you see, it could not have been the SEC was just not very good, relatively speaking, overall, last year. It had to be that Vandy scaled the wall of a conference full of teams that could win the AFC West.
July 16th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
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oc phil says:
@ 6: I liked that joke better when Groucho Marx used it.
July 16th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
19
HudiBlitz says:
That Mizzou car is the worst, and by that I mean the best. I’d fully expect someone from the South to do this for his favorite SEC team, but the fact that a fan of an occasionally good-ish, occasionally bad-ish Midwestern program (no offense intended, Tiger fans) did this is horrifying and outstanding. Extra points that it’s an ‘84 Olds; that just seems right.
Q: Does Chase use that car for his pizza deliveries? I’m still creeped out by the memory of those Alamo Bowl posts.
July 16th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
20
Vandy J says:
Oh I don’t kid myself that the conference was down last year. Doesn’t seem to have hurt them much though. Although I suppose Florida was lucky to luck-box their way into playing the chokingest team in the BCS, and LSU was fortunate that Georgia Tech shat the bed, and Ole Miss that Texas Tech couldn’t tackle a passing milk cow, and Vandy that BC tumbled before the fearsome horror of Commodore punting, and…you know, fuck it, I’d rather be lucky than good anytime. ;]
July 16th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
21
Albino Tornado says:
Only reason I’d buy that Mizerymobile would be to burn it, but I figure I’d have to file some sort of Environmental Impact statement from the Drakkar Noir fumes the cleaning flames would release.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
22
sevenDs says:
Orson,
I recommend a new policy for EDSBS. Lewis Grizzard posts should have their own column, and not grouped with other news/commentary. He was one of the very few people, if not the only person, who could insult any of our teams, including his own, and still be welcomed into any of our stadiums.
Lewis Grizzard, even after death he is still part of what makes being part of the SEC so great.
July 17th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
23
rtr says:
22 – Amen.
July 19th, 2009 at 10:14 pm