DANDIES' COURT: THE HOUSTON NUTT COVER

by Orson on Jul 15, 2009 11:34 AM EDT

Sir Stanley: Gentlemen! I seek philosophical entertainment!

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: Certainly. Today's fox: What is sexy? Discuss!

Sir Stanley: Why sir, I had no idea you would play right into my hands! In my studies of the colonies and their primitive yet exotic derivative of our own culture, I have come across one thing they do excel at: the iconography of the sexy. I attribute to their mongrel blood, as they are too close to the base passions that rule us all, and therefore incapable of escaping it in the fine Alpine tower of reason as we do.

Elrick: Quite. But you have diverged from our path of inquiry, have you not?

Sir Stanley: So easily lost in the thorns, Elrick, and yet a nose away from the rose! Not at all, Elrick. For instance, I will show you using an experiment of PURE SCIENCE what sexy is. A sample from the colonies I believe you'll find especially compelling. I will apply the following picture, a sample of pure sex, to the following array of items arranged on that table over there. Are you prepared, Elrick?

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: As ever, friend. Experiment away.

Sir Stanley: And...begin:

Sir Stanley unveils the picture.

Sir Stanley: And we observe its effects!

Elrick, Duke of Necessity: Why, the panties seem to have a particularly strong reaction there.

Panties: Wheeeeeee we're flying!!!!

Sir Stanley: Yes, let's turn it now--careful, don't get in its path, the rays could be quite powerful--and point it at that row of champagne bottles over there.

Elrick Duke of Necessity: Wait, now, that's our morning's ration there--

Silence.

Sir Stanley: Um, why, I....

Elrick Duke of Necessity: We're not speaking for a week. Also, I'm off to drink all the cooking sherry out of the cabinet and rumpus around with your maid as revenge. Your lack of objections to my plan will be your apology.

Sir Stanley. Why, um, yes. Yes.

(HT: FOTP.)

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Comments

Seriously? Houston Nutt on the cover? Time to sit back, grab the popcorn, and enjoy the trainwreck, Fugitive style.

by Hawgustus Caesar on Jul 15, 2009 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

UT beats Ole Miss this year. Quote me. By eleventy billion points, Holly.

by Vol on Jul 15, 2009 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

I was halfway expecting the Detestable Mr. Leach to make an appearance, didn’t I? Well, carry on.

by irlandes on Jul 15, 2009 12:22 PM EDT reply actions

Suck balls, Horatio Caine.

by JimHalpert on Jul 15, 2009 12:25 PM EDT reply actions

That cover makes me wish for a magazine-based version of Sleeveface.

by Rich on Jul 15, 2009 12:39 PM EDT reply actions

And not a single ‘Giggitah’ anywhere on the cover. SI needs to get their collective shit together.

by Houston's Nutts on Jul 15, 2009 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

That’s more of a “heh, heh… ALLLLLLLL RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT” kind of cover.

by JD on Jul 15, 2009 1:03 PM EDT reply actions

They should have done a full-length shot so we could also admire the Fiero he was leaning against when they took that photo.

by Vol on Jul 15, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

Vol @8

Fiero? More like a 79 TransAm, with liberal applications of bondo, redneck bumper stickers, and fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view.

by BamaTaxMan on Jul 15, 2009 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

Based on that first picture, Houston Nutrick has a cunning, cunning plan to beat Alabama:

“So what is it?”
“We do nothing.”
“Yup, it’s another world-beater.”
“No, wait. We do nothing… until our heads have actually been cut off.”
“And then we… spring into action?”

by Aaron on Jul 15, 2009 1:42 PM EDT reply actions

I saw a Big 12 pre-season magazine about a week ago. A player was prominently featured such that his head/helmet obscured part of the “BIG 12” title. It appeared like the first letter was an “F” and you could not make out the next letter – yes, “F_G 12”.

by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Jul 15, 2009 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

BamaTaxFan, I don’t know that your fanbase – or any in the SEC – is in a position to throw that particular stone. Of all the fanbases, rightly or wrongly, yours is perhaps the most associated with the stereotypical “redneck-fan.”

by ElGuapo on Jul 15, 2009 2:01 PM EDT reply actions

BamaTaxMan, you say tomahto…

by Vol on Jul 15, 2009 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

If Houston Dale’s past is any indicator, he’ll beat Bama & LSU only to lose to HelloKiffy, Vandy & MSU.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 15, 2009 3:08 PM EDT reply actions

@9 and 8

His 79 Trans Am was in the shop getting a footprint gas pedal installed so he had to steal this pile

by Joe Geronimo on Jul 15, 2009 3:17 PM EDT reply actions

It’s a regional cover…Saban is on the Alabama version.

http://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc82/thedeuce69/sabansi.jpg

by TheDeuce69 on Jul 15, 2009 3:21 PM EDT reply actions

Oh great…so my copy will come with a guy in a fruity ass straw hat.

by Vol on Jul 15, 2009 3:36 PM EDT reply actions

Then Hello Kiffin doesn’t have a mouth on the Tenn issue? And has a hairbow?

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 15, 2009 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

ElGuapo @12-

Being from Alabama makes me more than qualified to comment on this subject (as would being from Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia, Florida north of Orlando, South Carolina, Kentucky, North Carolina, etc.)

Vol @13-

Point taken – I was just trying to put the Right Reverend Houston Nutt in the proper vehicle for his age.

Joe Geronimo @15

Well played, sir.

by BamaTaxMan on Jul 15, 2009 5:41 PM EDT reply actions

(Puts down blunt)

Wrote a little ditty about H. Nutt back in ‘69, only then it was about R. Nixon:
“Four Minutes to Twelve, and There’s a Madman at the Wheel."

Regardez-vous el screen capture from the final eight seconds of the 2007 Bama -Arky game and deny that.

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/07/13/is-this-the-face-of-a-man-who-would-employ-his-players-to-run-high-explosives-to-mexico/

But he’s our Madman.

by Grandpa Fug on Jul 15, 2009 6:03 PM EDT reply actions

I submit to you that Elrick and Sir Stanley are fops and not dandies. Also, regional SI covers suck.

by HudiBlitz on Jul 15, 2009 6:25 PM EDT reply actions

Well at least it is Hootie Dale and not Shrimp’n Boat Cap’n Eddie O – yaw, yaw football! UcheaTers will run Eddie O and Lame Kiffin off and let Monte run the show like it should be run.

P.S. Jerrell Powe is down to fighting weight of 315.

Honk if you got a sack on MSU quarterbacks last season!

by TheRevCharlieT on Jul 15, 2009 7:45 PM EDT reply actions

Houston Nutt with one look has set panty phasers to SOAK!

Please someone keen with photoshop fin out what is reflecting in those glasses. It must be 9 contortionist strippers because I envision this photo taken from the champagne room.

by Beau Jimmerson on Jul 16, 2009 3:45 AM EDT reply actions