ESPN ANNOUNCER PAIRINGS FOR FALL WOOOOOOOYEAH

by Orson on Jul 9, 2009 4:21 PM EDT

ESPN just released their announcer pairings for the fall, something we found via Pat Forde's Twitter feed. We thank you and your majestic frontispiece of a hairstyle, Mr. Forde. It could cut a skirt steak dragged across it into fajita strips ready for the skillet.

The new arrangements for the fall:

Matt Millen's Inexplicable Employment Continues. What Matt Millen has to offer to college football that Chris Spielman doesn't is clear: the stigma of reeking, carrion-strong failure from being the worst GM in the history of the NFL. If the stench is real, his new broadcast partners Sean McDonough will have to wear a gas mask. This would probably be just as good as most in-game commentary, now that we think about it. Holly Rowe moves over from ESPN to join them for ABC Saturdays, and it will probably be a bit blander overall than the Spielman/McDonough combo since Millen's not likely to say anything as cool as "hunt, dog, hunt!"

Spielman moves to work with Dave Pasch and Bob Griese, and they'll be working the noon game on ESPN.

The Champagne Crew: Nessler, Blackledge, and Andrews keep the ESPN Saturday Prime Time slot, a.k.a. The Ron Franklin Suite. Musberger, Herbstreit, and Salters on Saturday's Blue-Ribbon game stay strong, as well.

Caucasian Menudo: The trio of James, Fowler, and Palmer remain together, who for our buck were the most gregarious, entertaining, freewheeling, and surprising crew last year in how much fun they had in the booth together.

Palmer gets additional face time as an in-studio analyst on Saturdays, thus expanding the Gator Nation's reach into even our most hallowed halls of power like College Football Live. The Jort Illuminati grows in power; we approve. Andrews remains with them, and should really just start brandishing a combat shotgun everywhere she goes.

James will also see a shuffle as he joins Mike Patrick and Heather Cox for Saturday broadcasts on ESPN.

Thus ends Patrick's endless bellyaching over Blackledge's immortal rabbit metabolism during "Todd's Taste of the Town," and begins the ascendency of Cox in the rankings of "soon-to-be-ruthlessly-stalked." Buy options now.

Most importantly: DAVE LIVES. One of them, anyway. The new agreement effectively turning Jefferson Pilot/Lincoln Financial/Nigerian Space Program Television into ESPN Regional brings along one Dave, Dave Neal, who was forced to fight the other Daves to the death with the broken end of a pool cue by Norby Williamson dressed as the Joker. Neal emerged, bloodied and wild-eyed, and could be visibly shaken as he works with Andre Ware and Cara Capuano on the regionals.

This requires revision: The reverse negative of Ole Miss fan Shepherd Smith--Brock Huard--will proved commentary for the new Saturday night SEC game on ESPNU along with Eric Collins. Ron White belongs in this booth as a third banana, and be promises he'll keep his Scotch off-camera.

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Maryland fans projectile vomited half-eaten crabs after that Darren Evans hit.

by cgb on Jul 9, 2009 4:26 PM EDT reply actions

What are the over-unders on the number of times Jesse Palmer will say “boy o boy” or “man o man” per game this year? I swear he said one of those two no less than 51 times in each of last year’s broadcast.

by twogreattastes on Jul 9, 2009 4:32 PM EDT reply actions

I miss Ron Franklin calling Saturday night SEC games.

by Tom Kazanski on Jul 9, 2009 4:37 PM EDT reply actions

Nessler-for-Patrick is a definite upgrade.

Am disappointed that Ron Franklin is, for yet another year, relegated to the Lubbock/Waco/Stillwater hinterlands. Or wherever the heck he’s been.

by Fightin' Englishman on Jul 9, 2009 4:38 PM EDT reply actions

Did Lee Corso get absorbed into Smokey Robinson? Did he just retire before or after the stroke? Or was the stroke caused by ESPN breaking up the Dream Team that was College Gameday?

Is Bob “Footbaw” Davie still alive? Why not just make every Ex-ND Coach a career commentator? We could have Holthz, Davie AND Willingham

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 9, 2009 4:50 PM EDT reply actions

Can we please get an offseason installment of Mike Patrick’s Cabinet of Wonders?

by Pandemonium Reigns on Jul 9, 2009 5:03 PM EDT reply actions

I concur. Is ESPN still “disciplining” him for calling Holly Rowe honey? If so that’s ridiculous. Although I guess if they aren’t and just don’t think he’s their best play by play man, that’s even more ridiculous.

by Bobby Briggs on Jul 9, 2009 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

Breaking up the Nessler-Griese-Maguire train wreck is going to make the Saturday afternoon Big 10 or ACC game a lot less interesting.

by Signal to Noise on Jul 9, 2009 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

I won’t really believe JP/LF is dead until the season begins.

The visual of the three Dave’s fighting to the death is comedic gold.

by Mike on Jul 9, 2009 5:09 PM EDT reply actions

I miss the days of Franklin and Gottfried calling the night games.

Ron is a good play-by-play man, he should get a good slot.

by DrB on Jul 9, 2009 5:20 PM EDT reply actions

“Is Bob "Footbaw" Davie still alive? Why not just make every Ex-ND Coach a career commentator? We could have Holthz, Davie AND Willingham”

Willingham and Millen commentating team plz.

by AERose on Jul 9, 2009 5:21 PM EDT reply actions

You forgot to mention that Erin Pageviews will be spending her Saturday nights with us college football fans, as I’m sure she prefers.

Not mentioning Erin? What kind of a blog are you running here, anyway?

by Barbecue Hashmark on Jul 9, 2009 5:28 PM EDT reply actions

@barbecue hash:

He did, under her pseudonym of “Andrews”.

by gosouthgohard on Jul 9, 2009 5:43 PM EDT reply actions

To counter balance your two Gators – Jesse Palmer and Erin Andrews, tOSU gives you Kirk Herbstreit, Chris Spielman and Robert Smith. ND gives us two former coaches. One who knew how to coach and do magic tricks. The other was magical in the way he mismanaged the clock and the English language.

On a more serious note, Chris Spielman’s wife Stephanie is in another battle with a recurrence of breast cancer. From what I have heard, it is worse than the first time.

He would probably warrant a better assignment than being stuck with Pasch and Griese, but needs to be close to home and ESPN could go with 2 in the booth if need warrants.

by Crabapple Buck on Jul 9, 2009 5:43 PM EDT reply actions

Still! No Ron Franklin?!
ESPN hates our freedom.

by TigerNacho on Jul 9, 2009 5:55 PM EDT reply actions

I am thankful for every year that ESPN decides to keep Rece Davis in the studio show. That guy is fantastic.

by Pig Stabbi n Z on Jul 9, 2009 7:58 PM EDT reply actions

Uncle Verne shat out the remaining Daves without remorse or pleasure.

by CADawg on Jul 9, 2009 8:55 PM EDT reply actions

Good to see Pam Ward still patroling the third-tier ACC/non-BCS game on ESPN2 on Saturday afternoons. And shutting down the town’s biker bars the night before.

by JD on Jul 9, 2009 9:53 PM EDT reply actions

Great stuff here: The Ron Franklin Suite and the Dave Death Match are both gold.

by Ryan on Jul 9, 2009 9:57 PM EDT reply actions

Dave Neal will be a sad, cold man without the other two. The whole of The Daves was definitely better than the sum of its third-rate parts.

by JimHalpert on Jul 10, 2009 12:35 AM EDT reply actions

I wish Fox would do Saturday games so I could miss a few snaps a game to see a band member staring blankly into space…

by Ltrain on Jul 10, 2009 9:43 AM EDT reply actions

Ltrain – or get the downs wrong on a goal-line situation.

by hobeg8r on Jul 10, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I hate Mike Patrick. He ruins every sport he touches. Fuck him in the ear with a wire hanger. That said, Paul Maguire deserves a fate worse than death. I hope they put him out on that fuckin chair again and he gets struck by lightning and shit on by a flock of birds at the same time.

by Brizzle on Jul 10, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

@ 9,

Amen. Not seeing Buzz Baker at 11am is gonna be tough. I’m gonna miss that dorky little party ball.

by EZ on Jul 10, 2009 11:50 AM EDT reply actions

Matt “Meathead” Millen is to an NFL GM Office as Chris “Monosyllabic Grunt” Spielman is to the broadcast booth.

by Hawgustus Caesar on Jul 10, 2009 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

No more Buzz?!?!? Goddammit to hell. Yeah, a dorky little party ball. I used to think he was disabled because he was always in that chair!

by Miss Horn Dawg on Jul 10, 2009 8:35 PM EDT reply actions

Jort Illuminati… Delightfully evil. A term for the ages. No doubt Pope Urban will replace the phrase “Gator Nation” with it in the gospel according to Tebow starting with “the speech”.

by Card carrying member on Jul 10, 2009 9:08 PM EDT reply actions

@ 27
the term Jort Illuminati just made my whole summer.

The dave’s fighting to the death is the funniest mental image I’ve had in years. That said, until last year when they added some hi def, JP/LF’s graphics that were so bad my xbox 360 definitely looked more like a actual football game

by Al-D on Jul 11, 2009 10:28 AM EDT reply actions