GATOR GRIDIRON: CONSUME, CONSUMERBOTS! CONSUME

by Orson on Jul 8, 2009 3:31 PM EDT

CONSUME. Now available in selected regional newsstands across America, Gator Gridiron profiles the 2009 Florida Gators football team as only we can: WITH HUNDREDS OF NUDE PHOTOS. That's right, nude photos of beautiful celebrities performing despicable but riveting acts with all manner of implements and other beautiful celebrities.

Sure, you like Dan Shanoff, but you'll like him better when we take his piece Tebow: Great... Or Greatest? and pair it with a picture of Kristen Bell from her Veronica Mars days in a bikini soaping up a tranquilized American alligator! HEY-YAH!!! She's a wiry one! Just wait until you get until the pieces by Chrison Charlie Strong's defense and the evolution of Tim Tebow. They're 100% genius, but wait until you see his brilliant analysis matched up against ACTUAL PICTURES OF NAKED ERIN ANDREWS NAKED ERIN ANDREWS.*

Order here: Holly, Joel, Scott, Ryan, T. Kyle, and some random anarchist named Spencer Hall are all included, and at 124 pages it is certainly more information than one might require about the 2009 Florida Gators.

*"NAKED ERIN ANDREWS" is Polish for "accurate diagrams of spread formations lining up against a standard 4-3 defense." We apologize for any inconvenience. Also there are no other nude photos in the guide except for the author's photo. You pay 12 bucks, you get exactly 12 bucks worth.

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So does this “ERIN ANDREWS NAKED” thing actually work, in re: page views?

by gosouthgohard on Jul 8, 2009 3:46 PM EDT reply actions

No, not really. You’d do better by typing something else, like TIM TEBOW DRUNK or something like that.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 8, 2009 3:49 PM EDT reply actions

Is the [NAME REDACTED] game vs. Miss State included as one of the ten most important games of the Urban Meyer Era? If not, it should be on a technicality.

And, PLEASE, assure us there are ZERO nekkid Pam Marnie Ward photos.

by yoyfutbawl on Jul 8, 2009 3:51 PM EDT reply actions

Hmm, strictly speaking, Orson is the editor while Holly could be considered an author . . . SOLD!

by Harris on Jul 8, 2009 4:07 PM EDT reply actions

Please, please tell me there is a word hidden behind Tebow’s helmet…because “An Guide…” would be a truly unfortunate way to start this publication.

by spartymike on Jul 8, 2009 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

No, we’re sure that’s just on the cover. Let’s just check our hard copies…

…oh my.

by Orson Swindle on Jul 8, 2009 4:19 PM EDT reply actions

Tim…..Tebow….

Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell. Never head of him.

by darkknight on Jul 8, 2009 4:48 PM EDT reply actions

Put Holly in the centerfold and you will sell ~~millions~~ , ~~thousands~~, ~~hundreds~~ , dozens more.

by Crabapple Buck on Jul 8, 2009 4:48 PM EDT reply actions

This is written and edited by journalists, right?

I won’t accept anything more.

by Tim on Jul 8, 2009 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

CB, I think we’d all pay ten bucks to see Holly naked.

by Croc on Jul 8, 2009 5:15 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t know what the going rate for that is, but I’d bet it’s more than any of y’all could afford. Then again, some of us are fortunate enough to be granted the privilege for free.

by Doug on Jul 8, 2009 11:21 PM EDT reply actions

Edited by Spencer Hall.. then it goes on to say:

“CORRECTION: Due to a editing error, incorrect play diagrams were included in the article “The Evolution of Tim Tebow” by Chris Brown. The full article with corrected diagrams can be found here. Our sincere apologies for the oversight and any confusion this may have caused. "

WTF?

/kidding

by ALGator on Jul 9, 2009 8:38 AM EDT reply actions

How many of Urban Meyer’s “Greatest” Games were against AU?

by Tom Tuberville of Bustersports.com.inc.llc on Jul 9, 2009 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

Quibble: Do four years count as an era?

by Counter Trap on Jul 9, 2009 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

@ Doug: Free? I suppose that’s in how you define it. It might cost us some coin; it’s going to cost you your soul, your sanity and probably most of the cartilage in your head.

by Harris on Jul 9, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions