CURIOUS INDEX, 7/8/2009

Whew! That Wuerffelmas hangover is rotten. After too much Christ Nog and Wuerffel Cakes last night, the old central nervous system feels like someone poured drain cleaner through it. What better to shake off the hangover from a Florida fan's favorite holiday than high-school football players running sumo drills? Besides a rum drip for the morning?

If you don't think this would be a stellar idea, just imagine the fun of putting Ndamukong Suh in a suit of innertubes and letting him do this on the field. NOW you're seeing it.

"It's called 'Lick My Love Pump'" Orrin Hatch has a beautiful number he'd like to play for you, and then he'd like you to answer one question:

Hatch said. "What more could they have done to play their way into a national championship game?"

"Senator," Perlman replied, "it's hard to respond to this without appearing to be disrespectful of Utah."

"And you don't want to be, in this room," Hatch told the witness.

Perlman offered his haughty answer: "They could've played the schedule Nebraska played last year."

"Well," Hatch argued, "they played a lot of big-time teams."

Perlman offered pity for the spurned Utes. "That's the way the world is, I'm afraid," he said.

In a perfect world, at this point in the hearings a troop of chimpanzees comes in and rips everyone's arms off and beats them with them. In case you wonder just what a one-person donkey show these hearings are, note that only two other senators even appeared at the hearing. FARK wins, as usual: "With all other problems in the country solved, Utah Senator Hatch wants an anti-trust investigation of the BCS."

Setting up their eventual upset of USC in even more dramatic fashion. In the preseason Pac-10 meetings, someone drew the straw in the lottery deciding to beat USC in a stunner this year. If the winner was Washington, the win will be even more dramatic than it might have been yesterday, as they've lost two running backs to unspecified off-field issues. As with all things football-related, we blame Ty Willingham for this.

You'll know he's working again because receivers are being treated for holes in their abdomen. Oregon State Lyle Moevao is throwing again--at one brutally fast speed, yes, but throwing again. Moevao is eminently likable for two reasons: 1. He's beefy and tatted up, and 2. He hammers screen passes like a hot read slant off a blitz.

No, this won't get old.has a similar pitch to Arizona State's interactive bid to get your season tickets, and you can have the same kind of fun one might have had with ASU's if one were extremely immature. Which one is:

Spaziani kills his lines, though, exceeding Dennis Erickson's performance in ASU's by leaps and bounds.

Evil Richt......he lives.