ABOARD THE S.S. GALLO
Aboard the S.S. Gallo. This should just be playing in the background the whole time.
Jamie the Waiter: Anything for you, sir?
Steve Spurrier: Just a little more cocoa butter and five lineman who can block their way out of Gymboree. That would be nice. Oh, and a Bud Light.
Jamie: Sir, you know you can’t have those. This is the S.S. Gallo. Quality linemen are expressly forbidden by ship rules. Also, you may want to know about ice ahead.
Spurrier: Ice? What the hell? We’re twenty miles outta Charleston!
Jamie: Well, he is a talented one.
Stephen Garcia: Let’s show that freaky frozen water who’s boss, bitches!
Jamie: Sir, would you like to abandon ship?
Spurrier: No, no. We still got the defense to keep things tight. Ten returning starters.
Jamie: [pauses. looks around]
Spurrier: What? What is it?
Jamie: That was last year, sir. We have six returning starters, and lost 100 career starts in the secondary.
Spurrier: Well, shit.
Garcia: FULL SPEED AHEAD, BRAH!!! [attempts to press throttle down, misses, drops anchor and sounds horn at the same time, falls over.)
Spurrier: Yeah, get the lifeboats.
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1
Holly says:
Now is come the season of Garcia. And he shall have dominion over the rocks, and the trees, and the malt liquor, and the panties of all who behold his countenance.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:16 am
2
dunkyarddawg says:
sheer brilliance.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:20 am
3
yoyofutbawl says:
At 5:04 PM today the time will be 56 to 6, familiar numbers to Mr Garcia & the Gamechikin faithful.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:11 am
4
JD says:
I may be wrong, but I think this is how the Titanic actually sank.
July 7th, 2009 at 11:26 am
5
robert says:
JD, you’re thinking of the Graf Spee
July 7th, 2009 at 11:36 am
6
Crabapple Buck says:
Where was FMM in this scenario?
July 7th, 2009 at 11:37 am
7
JD says:
#5 – of course, of course. *runs to Wikipedia to figure out what the hell the Graf Spee was*
I also think Freek’s picture would have been at least 15% funnier if Stephen Garcia was wearing some kind of naval hat.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
8
Leavitt Town says:
@ 7
easily 15% funnier
July 7th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
9
Leavitt Town says:
T. Pain could have been a nice addition as well.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
10
EastHoustonpondwater says:
There’d be no “Abandon Ship!” if Drinky the Crow was captain! You hear that Garcia, you wastrel!
July 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
11
yoyofutbawl says:
7
Actually, The Bismarck might be a better approximation. Rudder damaged beyond repair, low on fuel, circling aimlessly and waiting for its certain demise.
July 7th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
12
Coop says:
I see yoyo also listens to Billy Packer’s son. Nice…
July 7th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
13
yoyofutbawl says:
Coop-
Do they play 56 to 6 in Cola?
July 7th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
14
Brizzle says:
*drops anchor and sounds horn at the same time*
Fuckin beautiful. This guy would start over Joe Ganz for Bill Callahan in a heartbeat.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
15
shanensga says:
My old Daddy would say,”a little likkah might hep that boy.” If the Cocks don’t have a O line a few shots of Jose before the game sure as hell couldn’t hurt! I can see Garcia now, calling out Renee Curran, taunting Tebow, giving Kiffin the ginger, and hitting on Holly on the sidelines, ala Broadyway Joe. For God’s sake, somebody get that man a drink!
July 7th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
16
shanensga says:
That should be finger, damn!
July 7th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
17
starkvegas says:
Giving Kiffin the ginger has a nice ring to it as well, 16.
The part that you eat is a root, after all.
Givin Kiffin the ole ginger root!
July 7th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
18
Coop says:
I don’t know if Packer is on in Cola during the 5 PM hour, but knowing Packer, God bless him, the only reason he plays that every day is because he is on in Cola at 5 PM. Also, Corey Miller has to enjoy that.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:35 am