“Dear, why is that gentleman waving a gun at us?”

“No idea. Perhaps he’s trying to indicate his fervent support for gun rights, dear.”

“Why is he screaming about the gays?”

“No clue, honey. Wait: have you considered that maybe he’s a Gamecock fan, too, and has recognized us as fellow Cocklovers?”

“Maybe he is! Let’s let him know we’re fans, too!”

[rolls down window]

“Hey! We love the Cocks too!”

[/gunshots, screaming from other car.]

“Yup. He’s definitely one of us, honey!”

“I’ll get our gun out of the glove compartment so we can fire ours in the air, too, and celebrate Gamecock-style on the highway!”

“WOOOOO!!!!”

[/more gunshots]

(HT: Streyeder.)

This post brought to you by Hutz and Hutz, your firm for racial discrimination and sun-harassment suits.

One reason some schools are terrified of hiring black coaches: they’re terrified of alienating the all-important demographic of racist recruits. Another: the fear the black coach will make fun of them when they’re dancing at the holiday party. (They will, though.)

And still another: the fear of looking like racists if they fire the head coach, or worse still the resulting expensive litigation blossoming after the firing? That fear may be semi-rational, but it is a bit less rational after the dismissal of the verdict in the Jerry Baldwin case this week. Baldwin was the inept coach at UL-Lafayette, and led the Ragin’ Cajuns directly into the hole with a 6-27 record before his firing after three seasons in 2001.

Reading between the lines, the main reason for the overturn seems to be that the trial happened in Louisiana, and went about as well as most Louisiana jury trials go: disastrously for Teams Logic and Fairness. Pay attention and laugh along, Category 5:

The appeals court also found Johnson wrongly granted “expert witness” status to a man who testified about how being fired might make it difficult for Baldwin to obtain another coaching job.

The appeals judge ruled that the man offered only a personal view unsupported by any “indicia of reliability.”

In addition to our lifelong dream of being convicted for practicing law without a license, we now have a new one: being an expert witness on something in a trial without having any expertise in the subject whatsoever. Available immediately, willing to travel, and will claim intimate knowledge of any discipline whatsoever. “So Professor Swindle, what made this mineshaft collapse?” “Pretty sure it was the foreman. Just my opinion, but I am an expert.” KA-CHING!

As long as this doesn’t interfere with the $45 million settlement we won in Louisiana in 2003 against the sun for “bein’ all up in my face all the time,” we’re fine with it. It also lessens the fear of suit being filed over the firing of a black coach by .001%, so that’s nice, too.

Rooftop like we bringin’ ‘88 back. That’s the line originally ringing through our brain while considering the new BCS pimp’s comments about bringing back the original bowl system. Fine, if you’re going to be a colossal dick right out of the gate and threaten us with straw men, then bring froth the body and make that fucker dance. It’s an idle threat, a straw man, and further proof of the odd insecurity felt by the BCS power structure as a whole. The checks are too big, the money too good, and conference already too far down the path of establishing championship games to eventually funnel up champions into something that will eventually be a playoff or playoff-like substance.

Just teach your kids the simple rule of “Authority figure says be afraid=be totally calm/authority figure says be calm=freak out and run to the bunker,” and they’ll be fine.

Gettin’ big money, playboy your time’s up: The thoughts over at Sporting Blog sprout a thousand tangents, all of which Matt Hinton carefully calculated, weighed, analyzed, and dismissed as unnecessary. We were IM’ing back and forth yesterday, a frustrating experience for us because he has this way of using “Facts” and “rationale,” while we prefer “blind prejudice” and “anger.”

One point of contention that remained unresolved: does the current system produce better matchups than the old bowl system? Our sense is no, not necessarily: the choice of matchups and their outcomes between the top ten or fifteen teams is a largely randomized process no matter what happens. (more…)

Weel rite thiss inna maner understud by pur splers. This lisense playt RAWKS!!!

Thanx too Nathun fur teh photoo.