CURIOUS INDEX, 6/25/09
by Orson on Jun 25, 2009 6:27 AM EDT
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Holla at Coach Sumlin, Holla at Coach Stoops. Bob Stoops bathes in the fancy ketchup. His new contract now has him poised--with performance incentives, of course--to make $5 million dollars a year coaching college football in 2011. An additional bonus, termed in the contract an "Additional Stay Benefit," of $800,000 will be paid following Jan. 1, 2011. Factoring in the $700,000 bonus already in place, as well as the automatic $200,000 annual private-funds bump also built into the contract, Stoops stands to make $4.875 million in 2011. And that’s before performance-based bonuses also included in the deal. Should the Sooners compete for the The contract is not without its humor, however, especially the clause "Oklahoma shall pay a basilisk and eleven billion dollars to Coach Stoops for winning the BCS Title game." Honey, get the vaseline. And no, not like that. I'm stuck. Goddamn these dancing hips, I'm seriously stuck here. SOMEONE CALL KRENZEL AND HIS BIG BRAIN TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
Tressel actually took this PR opportunity well once he took those very honest hips and extracted them from the trap of the cockpit of that F1 car. Hyah: "You know, Graham called after the last couple of bowl games and said we needed more speed. So we said, 'OK, we'll get together and try to work on our speed,' " Tressel said, tongue in cheek. "It's just an honor to meet Graham, and it was a tremendous adventure to get in one of those cars. I wouldn't do it at 230, though, nor could I imagine doing it for 3 1/2 hours." ...and insert your own joke about Ohio State being unable to go top speed for 3 1/2 hours here. USC Poops Money. Sometimes on street corners into the hands of Tim Floyd, actually. USC's total estimated punch in the LA area is $4.9 billion annually as a unit. Add in the supplemental cash thrown in by aspiring sports marketeers to USC recruits, and that sum nearly doubles! [/nevertookamathclass.] With a whimper. The Mountain West's OMG AMAZING REVOLUTIONARY plan dies the quiet, uneventful death we all knew it would. You, baby, cry some more. Your fun Florida fact of the day: Did you know Florida had a football team before 1990? We did, and for the most part it was mediocre despite some dedicated and innovative cheating, the sheer balls of Jack Youngblood, and the hiring of a man known by the name of "Bear" Wolf in 1946. Wolf's 13-24-2 record includes an 0-9 1946 season and a spectacular 7-7 tie with Tulane in 1947, which further proves our theory that not only are all coaches named "Bear" not created equal, but also that one animal name = good coach, two animal names = big ball o' epic suck. UPDATE!!! We're in transit to Vegas to play in a ping-pong tournament. No, really. It's going to be horrifically embarrassing. Posting will be slow on the whole, though we hope to get something up at midday if the Phoenix Airport Wireless allows. |
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Comments
Your earliest post ever…I knew there was a reason.
Now that the housing market has bottomed in California, SC can afford more and bigger homes for their players. The NCAA is so pissed that they will punish Fresno St later.
by Crabapple Buck on Jun 25, 2009 6:47 AM EDT reply actions
The NCAA is so pissed that they will punish Fresno St. later.
Nice…. very nice.
by CincySooner on Jun 25, 2009 8:46 AM EDT reply actions
Just popping over to Vegas for a ping-pong tourney, huh?
My life sucks.
by TigerNacho on Jun 25, 2009 9:19 AM EDT reply actions
When I was in China on the All-American Ping Pong team, I just loved playing ping-pong with my Flexolite ping pong paddle.
by Forrest Gump on Jun 25, 2009 9:19 AM EDT reply actions
Man.. missed a lot of good posts yesterday… I have to keep up.
by ALGator on Jun 25, 2009 9:25 AM EDT reply actions
Not sure if this is newsworthy (or even reliably confirmed), but AuburnUndercover is saying that 4 guys are getting dropped from the roster for unspecified reasons.
WR – Phillip Pierre-Louis
S – Christian Thompson
DT – Jomarcus Savage
DE – Cameron Henderson
by Limedust on Jun 25, 2009 9:41 AM EDT reply actions
Forget you Swindle. Wallabe Gorillasnatcher was the best damned football coach the University of North Dakota ever had.
And TigerNacho is right. It could only be worse if you told us you were flying over with Joe Paterno and the guy from the Dos Equis commercials.
by MaconDawg on Jun 25, 2009 9:58 AM EDT reply actions
I, for one, am glad there aren’t any players sittin’ sideways in the Big Benz.
That’s just plain dangerous…
by haybeav on Jun 25, 2009 10:13 AM EDT reply actions
Non-CFB comments:
RIP, Coach Thomas. High school football coaches are oftentimes under-valued and certainly underpaid.
Congrats LSU for the CWS championship.
by hobeg8r on Jun 25, 2009 10:21 AM EDT reply actions
from the commercials, i thought florida football was invented the same year as gatorade.
could be wrong, tho’. i was usually drunk/high/naked/bleeding/gagged/crying when those commercials came on.
by jd on Jun 25, 2009 10:34 AM EDT reply actions
Ping pong tournament, Appalachain trail it’s all the damn same Swindle. You can’t pull a fast one on us.
by Burritobrosshits on Jun 25, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions
You omitted the greatest potential contributor to UF football pre-1990. No, not SOS & his Heisman.
It’s John Reaves, father of Layla Reaves Hello Kiffykins, who will entice her husband to become Urban’s new bitch.
by yoyofutbawl on Jun 25, 2009 12:24 PM EDT reply actions
“Did you know Florida had a football team before 1990?”
XFL Coach of the Year Galen Hall weeps.
by Aaron on Jun 25, 2009 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
That’s an American Indy Racing League car, not F1 (but the error is forgiven, my son). I doubt Tressel even drove it unless it’s some sort of mild-mannered publicity car. Just letting the clutch out without stalling would probably take hours of practice.
This post written by an engineering nerd.
by Tim on Jun 25, 2009 12:59 PM EDT reply actions
According to moRon Douchebag Zook, “Florida didnt win their first SEC title until 1991 and now they think they invented football.”
Leave it to an idiot and a loser to say something like that.
by JJ Gator on Jun 25, 2009 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
A table-tennis tournament in Vegas?
That’s a great idea b/c that town doesn’t get nearly enough Asian tourists.
by GamecockTony on Jun 25, 2009 1:14 PM EDT reply actions
Never Too Kamath Class?
Indian Caste Systems in LA?
by NewAZTiger on Jun 25, 2009 1:17 PM EDT reply actions
@ 13
Clearly, there is a cocaine joke in there somewhere.
by Coop on Jun 25, 2009 4:18 PM EDT reply actions
It would be much cooler if it was a beer pong tournament.
by Raider Red on Jun 25, 2009 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
Wow, 140 lb guys can have heart attacks too..Michael Jackson may need Pete Carrolls assistance, stat….he is in cardiac arrest.
by Mr.PelicanPants on Jun 25, 2009 6:09 PM EDT reply actions
I guess Friday will be the Farrah Fawcett/Michael Jackson tribute edition (his music, her swimsuit poster).
by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Jun 25, 2009 7:08 PM EDT reply actions
Just asking as a point of reference….what does The Urb clear annually? about 3.5 ? That won’t last long. I’m not a math genius but it would seem to me that there is no recession in the Head Coach vertical.
by Flatlander on Jun 25, 2009 9:41 PM EDT reply actions
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