“To hell with sober!” Kick off your monday with the only fight song we know of that embraces profanity, drinking, gambling, and coed enrollment. Such progressive but timeless values must be saluted.

Then someone drives a rickety jalopy onto a football field with a man in a bee suit on the back, narrowly avoiding hitting band members and cheerleaders. This was likable enough, but now the team comes out and runs the triple option for four quarters like it’s 1964. Unless you wear red and black and are currently screaming “ARP! NERDS!!!” at the computer screen, Georgia Tech is rising as one of the teams you may root for based on style points alone. (Especially when they bust out the Mustard King “gold” unis.)

Herbert Kornfeld says this is why you need a stay-strong accountant. Kansas State’s books are a seriously hot mess, according to the officials beginning to pick through the wreckage of the Wildcat administration that granted an unaudited $3.2 million deal to former coach Ron Prince.

Actual video! Iowa, jealous of the attention paid to Florida for its arrest problems, responds by sending a big drunk man on a tiny bike through a construction site. Points to be awarded later today, but really: if you can’t ride a moped with a .10 BAC, this isn’t a truly free country.

Round up the usual suspects. Recruiting sites, unethically and informally engaging in recruiting wars? Why, we nevah! Nick Saban’s slow whipping of all forms of media into obedience continues in Alabama; in two more years he will be passing out index cards with the questions he’d like to you to ask him before dismissing reporters with a dog training clicker.

Ian, please read that card about us wanting to play Notre Dame. Oh, this would be beautiful, especially with Notre Dame fans coming to Tuscaloosa and wondering what all the yelling was about during the game.