BLOGTOBERFEST: RANDOM SNAPPINGS AT WATERMELONS

by Orson on Jun 22, 2009 5:16 PM EDT

Blogtoberfest! For those moments when coherence yields to ADD.

We are guaranteed to say nothing nice about you when you're gone. Ole Miss Robert Khayat, the charitable former employer, on his former football coaches:

"David Cutcliffe’s last two years we virtually had no recruiting, no signing of people who could play," Khayat says. "It was pretty natural to go for the person who was viewed as the best recruiter in the country. What we didn’t realize was that Ed was going to have so much difficulty coaching."

Khayat then went on to say that his first girlfriend smelled funny down there.

Contrarians, take note! You may just want to go ahead and predict great things for South Carolina, since even out-of-conference preseason analysis has them shedding frontal lobe capacity and taking several steps down the evolutionary rungs this fall.

"Auburn's Bigger Than Any Of Us Coaches." Quoth Terry Bowden in this Scarbinsky piece, which may be summarized as "Gene, let it go. It's Chinatown, where 'Chinatown' means 'Auburn,' and no one's knocking up their daughter." Things also bigger than Terry Bowden? Rodeo barrels, city garbage cans, and Michigan's running backs.

SOOOOOOWEEEEE. New Arkansas blog on SBN goes live: Arkansas Expats, who hopefully can channel the state's immensely weird fanbase without becoming paint-chip-eating mad in the process. If the gentlemen behind this are already paint-chip-eating mad, then please, proceed as normal. This being the SEC, we likely won't notice the difference.

Okay, fine. Once a year we'll link to a College World Series post. It may as well be Brian's.

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South Carolina’s going to have a great year. Their governor, who has been missing since Thursday, is running drills and treating players to lavish meals and prizes using a little-known NCAA exception for elected state officials.

Yeah, you could look for that rule, but it sounds plausible enough to simply believe it.

by Tim on Jun 22, 2009 5:45 PM EDT reply actions

All Khayat need to add was “bless their hearts” and it would have been completely acceptable. In the South, you can say whatever the hell you want about people as long as you add “bless their heart”.

by JimHalpert on Jun 22, 2009 6:22 PM EDT reply actions

Why did I think of Beano Cook when I saw those gator’s jowls flapping?

just curious…

by Grady on Jun 22, 2009 6:33 PM EDT reply actions

No offense meant to the writers at Husker Locker, but I really have to question someone’s understanding of football in the South East if they think Dabo = upward swing.

by Charlestowne on Jun 22, 2009 11:00 PM EDT reply actions

Nate Newton is pointing at you ma’am. Fucking hilarious.

by ohiodawg on Jun 23, 2009 6:46 AM EDT reply actions

Whattya mean “think” of Beano Cook? That is Beano Cook in his brand new happily mutated form.

by yoyofutbawl on Jun 23, 2009 7:37 AM EDT reply actions

RE: Out of conference analysis/frontal-lobe shedding -

What sort of delerious Nebraska fan refers to the SEC East as a “nightmare for recruiting”? I’d rather compete with the best for the best, than to be recruiting the Ogallala aquifer and the Black Hills.

by nonlinear on Jun 23, 2009 8:45 AM EDT reply actions

Robert Khayat, translated: Our new AD wanted to put his “stamp” on the football program and got triggerhappy, so now I’m stuck justifying firing the guy who led us to our first January bowl since the Vaught era and replacing him with Ogre from “Revenge of the Nerds.” What the fuck do you want from me?

by Doug on Jun 23, 2009 10:31 AM EDT reply actions

Doug:

And since he’s retiring next week, add a hearty “and another thing…Langston I always thought you were funny-looking. And I cheated on my SATs…and I took a dump in the Phi Mu fountain right before y’all danced in it on Flash Rave night! What ya gonna do, FIRE me?!?!”

gives ’em the raspberry, turns and pulls pants down, moons trustees

by the ex-croominator on Jun 23, 2009 10:50 AM EDT reply actions