CURIOUS INDEX, 6/19/09

by Orson on Jun 19, 2009 9:39 AM EDT

Today's forecast is IRONY. From reader rwphonics: the verb "kiffen" in German means roughly "to spoke weed," something which the currently stoned will find endlessly entertaining, and may seem ironic when Kiffin lines up a kicker for a 70 yard field goal.

There's no app for that. A helpful one someone could rig up in the span of a few hours: get a coach an iPhone, hook it up to a calendar, and then keep it from calling the same number more than X number of times in single period, which is what Urban Meyer did as self-reported by the University of Florida. Remember, it being a secondary violation means nothing will happen. (Only exception: Alabama would lose three scholarships for this, and likely have to publicly tar and feather Nick Saban to appease the NCAA.)

THIS IS MY CHRISTIAN BALE BATMAN VOICE. The suggestion of Gary Busey for the booth is an inspired one, even if you know it will all end in weeping children and blood, but the finest suggestion for an announcer is Christian Bale doing his Batman voice for the entire game. "Are you the color man? Or are you doing play by play?" "I'M WHATEVER GOTHAM NEEDS ME TO BE." "Color guy it is, then." "THAT'S A NICE PLAYCALL THERE."

The most seductive shotgun snap ever. The game has to be a labor of love for someone at EA: College Game Balls tried out the demo and wrote up their experience with NCAA 2010, and we did the same last night. More later, but we'll say this: the animation of the shotgun snap alone means someone really, really takes this game home at night, puts it in its own crate with an alarm clock wrapped in a blanket, and properly babies this game from puppyhood on up. (Also: now with Tebow one-man play-action!)

Repetition is so repetitive. This is an execrable Dennis Dodd column, as most columns are to us. (Most things can be explained in less than 200 or more than 3,000 words--anything in between is either too much or too little. It's not just columnists who suck; it's the format itself.) The worst part, though:

Anyone remember Georgia last year? The Bulldogs were the preseason No. 1, on their way to their seventh consecutive season of at least nine wins. They were also No. 1 on the police blotter. There were eight arrests in the offseason. Thirty Bulldogs have been arrested in the same four-year period, six more than Florida.

Though it's not serious, the Fulmer Cup does come in handy here. Georgia has had more arrests than Florida, but the vast majority of those--26, to be precise--were misdemeanors, and we'd bet that most involved driving with a suspended license and the other side effects of having an overly officious crew of bumpkins using overlapping law enforcement agencies to skim cash off students and generate revenue for the county.

Also, Georgia had a kid fall asleep drunk on the toilet, while Florida has had two players discharge automatic weapons in public, one steal his own car from an impound lot, two charged with affray, and one who stole a laptop (who is now conveniently at the University of Tennessee.) Nine felonies in all versus four--and the nature of them--make a substantial difference. It's not like Dodd actually had to read blogs to figure that out, as it's in the staid, print-y Gainesville Sun for everyone to read. It required reading, which was evidently too much to ask.

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“Give me another Sasparilla…….much obliged”

by Stan Gable on Jun 19, 2009 9:56 AM EDT reply actions

As somebody who’s roommate’s car was towed out of the apartment’s parking lot despite having a tag, who had the towing fee dropped but still had to pay to tow it back because they killed its battery and wouldn’t let my jump it…

“one steal his own car from an impound lot,”

So you’re saying the gator arrests are basically saintings?

Also: Cam Newton isn’t at UT. Last news was that he was rumored to be interested in playing at UT, and that was last month. No word on an actual transfer yet, as far as I know.

by Not You on Jun 19, 2009 10:13 AM EDT reply actions

No Erin Andrews in the demo was disappointing. They must be putting extra TLC into her digital buttocks and thighs. Orson are you on XBOX 360 or PS3?

by cgb on Jun 19, 2009 10:14 AM EDT reply actions

Thirty arrests in four years. This makes the Red Clay Hound’s* absence from the chase for the Cup this year quite conspicuous. Perhaps the whole professor killing people and disappearing has given the Athens-Clarke County Keystone cops thoughts of actually focusing on crimes with a potential or actual victim.

sorry to go all Leonard there.

by skinnyphatman on Jun 19, 2009 10:22 AM EDT reply actions

Isn’t “excrable Dennis Dodd column” just a wee bit redundant?

by jthomas666 on Jun 19, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

360, and the XBoxLive hand is orsonswindle.

And no, they aren’t saintings. They’re indicative of a serious discipline problem, something that shouldn’t be explained away with equivocations.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

jthomas—yes. Apologies for the redundancy redundancy.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

Orson,
thanks from Dawg for pointing out the difference in severity of the cases. Honestly the case against Florida was overblown, and now the defense of Florida is becomeing overblown. BTW – the Georgia Theatre, one of Athens most known music venues caught fire this morning, looks like serious damage.

by NavyDawg on Jun 19, 2009 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

Xbox Live is the way to go, handle guinness74. I don’t think NCAA 10 demo has online, care to throw down on 09?

by cgb on Jun 19, 2009 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

Dennis Dodd runs his mouth off? Say it ain’t so!

by Techie on Jun 19, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

The Georgia Theatre isn’t on fire. It’s on FIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRE."

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

NavyDawg’

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19798621/detail.html

by skinnyphatman on Jun 19, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

@ 4

Yes, we always lose to you guys. Even when one of our professors is cuckoldng one of your professors, your professor fired the last shot. Literally.

by Coop on Jun 19, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

I half expect the following to come from an A-CC Police presser:

“Witnesses saw a large black male driving away from the scene on a scooter shortly before the fire at the Georgia Theatre was reported. We’re sure it was a UGA football player.”

Having been a patron of the Theatre way too many times, I expect this was an ethanol fire.

by Silver Britches on Jun 19, 2009 11:20 AM EDT reply actions

Ahhhh, the good old days of the Semi-Holes, Pickens County Felines, Jim Carlin’s Biddies, North Avenue Trade School, et al. Thank you Mr Post-Toasties & Percy Peabody.

by yoyofutbawl on Jun 19, 2009 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

“to spoke weed” or “to smoke weed”? Wir Kiffen?

by oc phil on Jun 19, 2009 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

You’re angry because UF is being “defended” and not justifiably thrown under the bus?

I like your style, Swindles.

I think UF should get partial credit for pupello’s pistol whipping spree as well. He did play there for a year or two. He just didn’t come across the right opportunity to fracture skulls via pistol whip in G-ville.

by Leavitt Town on Jun 19, 2009 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

Leavitt @#17…scratch “justifiably” and I’m with ya…and not sure Pupello actually “played” at Florida…heard the reason he left was because he didn’t get to play…and that rank frustration led him down the path to pistol-whipping…which begs the question “should Florida get partial credit for exacerbating the dormant psychosis which, when released, resulted in a felony?” But for Florida’s recruitment of him he’d be pistol-whipping Georgians.

by sb on Jun 19, 2009 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

@17… every artist has to find his milieu. Gainesville just wasn’t an environment in which Pupello could flourish. Like the American expatriate wirters in 1920s Paris, it wasn’t until Pupello landed in Tampa that he said: “Now THIS is the kind of place I could see myself running around pistol-whipping people.”

If he’d tried that in Gainesville, his teamates would have gently take his gun away from him, toussled his hair, and demonstrated its proper usage by firing it at the next passing airplane.

by CincySooner on Jun 19, 2009 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

Just a thought…

How about inaugurating a Kiffin Cup award for the school that commits the most secondary violations during an academic year? It could be like a Minor League affiliate of the Fulmer Cup. Not as exciting or interesting, but something for the hard core fans to rally around.

by CKGator on Jun 19, 2009 12:32 PM EDT reply actions

Orson…at times you seem to drift into Gregg Doyelistic striving for non-homerized web-cred when you are so quick to dump on our Gators.

It tires me.

by zzgator on Jun 19, 2009 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

Brown liquor drinking southerners please help. Pac 10 dude who wants to take in an SEC game this fall. Thinking Cocktail Party, Baton Rouge, or Rocky Top. Suggestions? Please don’t say Ole Miss; The Grove would be great but I would prefer one of the big boys (no offense).

by JuliansSexy BlackTShirt on Jun 19, 2009 1:53 PM EDT reply actions

Orson,

You’re either a Gator or you’re not a Gator. It’s real simple.

by Sean Glennon's Jersey on Jun 19, 2009 2:12 PM EDT reply actions

Doyel, ZZGator? You can just pick up our intestines off the floor where they’re steaming, having been freshly slashed from my torso. Urban Meyer thinks that’s harsh.

(Seriously: this is nothing we haven’t said for years.)

by Orson Swindle on Jun 19, 2009 2:34 PM EDT reply actions

@22

Went to Baton Rouge for UGA game last year, and it was very mild. I guess their fans aren’t batshit crazy unless the team is good, apparently.

They don’t call it the WLOCP for nothing. Take the PAC 10 dude there.

by DoubleDawg05 on Jun 19, 2009 2:35 PM EDT reply actions

@OC Phil

Its “to smoke weed” and ‘wir kiffen’ means “we smoke weed”. It is pronounced just like Kiffin. The guy who did the song is a late nite talk show host in Germany. go figure.

by rwphonics on Jun 19, 2009 2:58 PM EDT reply actions

What the SEC needs: SEC FANZONE.

ESPN could do this instead of “Tuesday Night Interactive.”

Please make it happen somebody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-Kph3zAiII

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jun 19, 2009 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

- Keep in mind time of the season and where the teams may be schedule wise -

Rocky Top can get downright dull and quiet if they aren’t having a good year (like any location, really, but some places are more consistent – Ole Miss and So. Car. may not be “big boys,” they turn out in full force regardless of the record). UF is nearly unbearably hot in September.

Others may certainly disagree (and will), but:
Are you looking for the epitome of tailgaiting (Auburn, Ole Miss), or sheer experience (UF, UGA, UT), or a good mixture of both (Bama in Ttown, LSU, Cocktail Party).

Can’t really go wrong, though I haven’t made it to Starkville yet.

by Ltrain on Jun 19, 2009 4:06 PM EDT reply actions

Orson…are you suggesting this blog is some sort inhospitable icy environment and I have just attacked you in order gain live saving warmth from your insides?

Could be some truth in that.

by zzgator on Jun 19, 2009 4:30 PM EDT reply actions