OH, JUST A FRIENDLY PHONE CALL, BOBBY
by Orson on Jun 18, 2009 12:44 PM EDT
Email
PrintBobby Bowden: (has servant hold up rotary dial phone to ear:) Ah say they-yah, hello?
Joe Paterno: Hey, Bobby. How ya feelin', buddy?
Bowden: Spry! Just chopped some wood, actually. On my way to do some brisk calisthenics and then expand my chest for a while. How's your leg? Hurting right now? Like the wobbly inflamed knee of a horse just seconds from the glue factory, eh?
Joe Paterno: Nah, but thanks for asking. That's very kind. It's feeling good enough to walk around with no problem, actually. Gonna go for a walk to the stadium in a bit, maybe drop in on my son. Who's still coaching with me. And not fired and sucking at the drained, sagging bosom of my university.
Bowden: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, Joe. I'm busy thumbing through these blue-chip propects to call. They're all so fast, you just wouldn't believe it, really. And they all want to come here. It's warm down here, you know. That's got to be hard on your joints, ain't it Joe? They have to hurt you soooo in the mow-nin', right?
Paterno: Nah, but I appreciate the concern, Bobby. Hey, look at me, I'm just talkin' all over the place here. Just wanted to let you know that I'm real sorry to hear about the NCAA shooting down your appeal to vacate the wins. I hope this doesn't affect our friendship, as would sit fifteen games behind me on the all-time wins list, and that's with your wins from Samson College throw in there. (giggles)
Bowden: THAT'S SAM-FAHD, you dago sonofabitch! It's one of the finest academic institutions in Buh-mingham, Alabama!
Paterno: I'm sure they gotta lot of 'em. I'll tell 'em that when I go to my next Brown alumni meeting. Anyway, I gotta get crackin' here. There's stuff I gotta do, like take my vitamins, go for a walk, and enjoy the view from 15 wins ahead of you.
Bowden: I hope you trip on your momma's dick, cripple. WE WILL RISE AGAIN!!!
Paterno: It sounded better when you said it at Gettysburg. You have a nice day, Bobby. Have 15 of them in a row, on me.
Bowden: Why I nevah!-- [/click!]
32 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Now THAT was funny. “I’ll bet they have a lot of them.” that bit is priceless.
by ohiodawg on Jun 18, 2009 12:49 PM EDT reply actions
“I hope you trip on your momma’s dick, cripple.”
I can’t wait to use that.
by Ed Orgeron's speech therapist on Jun 18, 2009 12:53 PM EDT reply actions
“I hope you trip on your momma’s dick, cripple.”
Can’t wait to use that one.
by Ed Orgeron's speech therapist on Jun 18, 2009 12:56 PM EDT reply actions
Damnit. Double-post. Apologies.
by Ed Orgeron's speech therapist on Jun 18, 2009 12:57 PM EDT reply actions
Gettysburg? (takes off Confederate infantry hat -places it over heart)
Damn, Orson, isn’t anything sacred to your cold, cruel, blue and orange heart?
by Sundawg on Jun 18, 2009 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
Further proof that you shouldn’t let the slow kid in class organize the cavalry charges.
by Orson Swindle on Jun 18, 2009 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Eh. Neither is fit to juggle Eddie Robinson’s balls.
by Harris on Jun 18, 2009 1:11 PM EDT reply actions
John Gagliardi would have interrupted the call, but he was over at St. Ben’s getting his daily virgin blood transfusion/blowjob.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Jun 18, 2009 1:13 PM EDT reply actions
“I hope you trip on your momma’s dick, cripple.”
Pure journalistic excellence.
by ALGator on Jun 18, 2009 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
Shoulda got Oops Pow Surprise to write Paterno’s part.
by SmoothJimmyApollo on Jun 18, 2009 1:47 PM EDT reply actions
Positively reptilian in its cold-bloodedness.
Must be a Gator fan…..
Sullivan013
by sullivan013 on Jun 18, 2009 2:01 PM EDT reply actions
The funny thing is I could hear their voices in my head as I read it… way too spooky…. btw… the pic of Joe PA is my screensaver… fine work yet again, kudos to all
by The Holy Grail on Jun 18, 2009 2:32 PM EDT reply actions
That Jimbo Fisher does a helluva JoePa imitation.
Daggummit.
by Jack Fact on Jun 18, 2009 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
this really works if you imagine bobby bowden with foghorn leghorn’s voice.
by jd on Jun 18, 2009 2:49 PM EDT reply actions
@ 17
I thought Bowden was the voice of Fog Horn.
by Leavitt Town on Jun 18, 2009 3:06 PM EDT reply actions
Paterno: Hope you choke on the boiled peanuts in your Orange Nehi, hayseed.
Bowden: Hope you choke on the next frontal lobe you eat, zombie.
by Kerwin4two on Jun 18, 2009 3:18 PM EDT reply actions
#17
“I say, I say, Joe, you got it all wrong, boy!”
by Sean F on Jun 18, 2009 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
Imagine, hell. Papa B is Foghorn Leghorn. Just think about the way he describes his own son, “Nice kid, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.”
by DevilGrad on Jun 18, 2009 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
It’s like you were able to read their minds and put down in writing what they really think. Good stuff!
PS FSU’s sanctions won’t mean squat in the end. JoePa has the boys rolling again and is recruiting with the best of ‘em. JoePa will probably still be coaching when Bobby’s 6 feet under!
by RNF18 on Jun 18, 2009 3:29 PM EDT reply actions
#25
don’t count yer weasel’s before they pop. we all thought joe had the record on lockdown until the early part of the decade.
that, and i don’t like my horses winning on technicalities.
by jd on Jun 18, 2009 4:00 PM EDT reply actions
If you read FSU’s appeal, their argument on why the tutor helped the athletes [cheat] on a test [which clearly stated that it was a CLOSED book exam] – was because she thought all the athletes she helped were learning disabled.
Got it – FSU’s athletes are learning disabled.
by hobeg8r on Jun 18, 2009 5:34 PM EDT reply actions
Truly awesome, Orson! My personal fave was the shot he takes at his son still coaching. Nice…
@28- learning disabled… nice catch… lol
by TheMightyErik on Jun 18, 2009 6:28 PM EDT reply actions
It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.
Well played, sir. Well played.
by Tailgate Shogun on Jun 18, 2009 6:53 PM EDT reply actions
I just wish it would have been typed phonetically like the first part as in, "Ah hope you trip on yo momma’s dick, cripple. WE WILL RAHSE AGIN!!!
by Brizzle on Jun 18, 2009 8:43 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t even claim my trifling undergrad alma mater any more, but its rivalry with Samson College compels me to shout as I did in days of yore on the Hilltop: “JESUS A&M SUCKS”
by Vandy J on Jun 19, 2009 2:10 PM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
