THE WORST OFFENSIVE SERIES EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

The good doctor once did this better than we possibly could, but the piece is lost somewhere in the mists of the internet in the cached archives of Sunday Morning Quarterback.

The header on this video is "One of the worst offensive series ever in college football," and if you limit the definition of "worst" to "a series where, while not turning the ball over for a change of possession or a score, the offense displays repeated, consistent, and diverse ways of stepping face first in front of the red boxing glove on an expanding arm time and time again," then yes; we're talking about what might legitimately be not one, but the worst series of offensive football every played.

Ladies and gentlemen: Nicholls State versus Northwestern State. Northwestern has the ball on the Nicholls State 47, and is down 33-14. Watch from between your fingers if you have to.

1st and 10: incomplete pass. The best drive for Northwestern State all drive, as it is merely an incompletion.

2nd and 10: Illegal procedure, NW State. Also, an oncoming pass rusher flies sideways into the qb's knee after the play.

2nd and 15: False start, NW State. General look of confusion as players fuddle around as if someone has abandoned them coachless on the sideline.

2nd and 20: Ball on the 43. A near interception, which would have been a merciful stroke of fate. Instead a holding penalty is called, and the penalty sets them back even further to the 33 yard line.

2nd and 30: Sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot, and sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot and remember that your foot is made not of human flesh, but of high-grade explosives. The quarterback kicks the ball, which is an illegal kicking penalty taken at half the distance to the goal from the end of the run backwards to find the ball. Hold yourself fo the resulting count:

3rd and 61: The second best play all drive, as the qb is pressured, does not step out of bounds and into a waiting tree shredder, and throws the ball out of bounds outside of the tackle box.

4th and 61: Punt. Well, presumably punt. We really don't know what happens here. Perhaps they actually do get the punt off; perhaps the punter takes the ball, attempts a fake, and is struck by an 18 wheeler speeding out of control off a local highway and over the hapless special teamer. Maybe it's blocked. Whatever happens, the universe decided to truncate the video here, and with good reason, too. You don't see the Joker kill anyone in the Dark Knight's scary videos, either, but they're still enough to give you screaming nightmares for weeks.

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