Conditioning. Goosebumps GO:

The lack of a boom shot of a crowd or the gaze of a gimlet-eyed but grinning Ron Franklin following this leaves us cold and vulnerable. (Reaches for bottle of anything, shivers.)

BUT THEY’RE MY SONS. If this is as tiffy as Pac-10 football gets, the collected coaches of the SEC need to stage a clinic for the Left Coast conference’s enlightenment on how to properly kneecap each other in public and do worse in private. (Or just send Tuberville, if you believe a word of Paul Finebaum’s column yesterday, seen here being shaken, eviscerated, and left for the vultures by Ms. Stabby herself.)

It starts here with Neuheisel mentioning a rule change he proposed to allow his kids to be on the sideline with him, which is allowed so long as they’re performing some kind of football-related task. (Like interfering with a live ball, for example.)

Neuheisel mentions that Pete Carroll was the lone dissenter to a proposed rule allowing kids on the sideline during games without a task–true among coaches, as pointed out by Adam Rose, but the rule change was voted down 8-2 by conference ADs with only Arizona supporting the rule change. Ted Miller thinks Pete Carroll is just trying to tweak Neuheisel, which he likely is, but this is what he’s supposed to do as the cross-town rival. Also, unless Mrs. Neuheisel or a nanny is unavailable to tend to their infant, there is little need to have your kids on the field unless you claim some kind of special, non-functional privilege, and that is what nepotism in coaching is for, no? (Neuheisel calling a game with a Baby Bjorn on–there is your image for the morning.)

If Neuheisel wants his kids on the sideline, he will do what every other coach does: degrade the idea of a merit-based hiring process for assistants by hiring his own children and promoting them. (BTW: Feldman BURRRRRRRRRRRN.) There is someone who, no matter the situation, will seek to change the rules to suit even the smallest of their whims to suit either their grandiose valuation of their own worth. This is Rick Neuheisel, and we recognize him because we’re in the club, too. (Could you turn the air-conditioning down in here? Have any hollow-fil pillow instead of down? Can you leave the tomatoes off that, and if you have any tincture of lavender that would be lovely, because I am DYING for a Harrier.)

If pointing = wins, there is indeed hope. Syracuse football has hope so long as there is confident and epic pointing like this coming from defensive tackle Arthur Jones. If he nodded and stared right after this, then we’re looking at four wins minimum, because as Urban Meyer has proven for four years and going on five that pointing = wins.

Due to the ban on Lane Kiffin stories, this was postponed. But it is further proof that his presence in the SEC is making it easier for all concerned in the blog universe.

Yeah, that’s him. This would probably get the Feldman seal of approval for veracity on the topic of Orgeron Studies.