BLATANT CONSUMERISM, 2009 EDITION
by Orson on Jun 1, 2009 10:41 AM EDT
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PrintHuzzah! It is here:
Pre-order your Maple Street Press Guide devoted exclusively to the Gators now now now, consumers, and be guaranteed a hot handful of 130 pages of nothing but the finest Times New Roman dedicated exclusively to the Florida Gators. It took a nation of millions to hold back our disorganization and procrastination, but fortunately we got the best. The cast of characters includes Chris Brown from Smart Football--ooh, it's coach porn like you wouldn't believe--, Dan Shanoff, Holly Anderson (herself!), Joel Hollingsworth, T. Kyle King, Scott Reid and Ryan Ferguson from Orange and Blue Hue, and yours truly as editor and hack-in-chief of this production.
It's been a massive production aided and assisted by two weeks sitting on our ass popping pills and procrastinating with Team Fortress Two, so it must be good. Those eight pages we wrote on Urban's post-2006 championship leather jacket are among the best opioid-fueled prose since DeQuincey's Confessions of an English Opium Eater--trust us! We wouldn't lie to you for a little bit money. this kind of elegant analysis is why we asked Chris to write for the guide.)
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wait – do you pay Holly to dis’ the Urbz or to pay homage for the payola?
Something tells me if you give the girl a couple of Mimosas and put her in front of the keyboard she could slice the top half of Ben Hill Griffin off with her verbal lasers
by WarChiziken on Jun 1, 2009 11:06 AM EDT reply actions
That’s going in my sidebar. And yes, I got paid to trash Gainesville, in print. I love my life.
by Holly on Jun 1, 2009 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
So how much do I have to pay to read a long-winded T. Kyle King treatise on the minutiae of Florida football?
by BurritoBrosShits on Jun 1, 2009 12:54 PM EDT reply actions
Who wrote the piece on Don’ta Hightower being UF player of the year for the facemask in the SECCG?
I keed. I keed.
And why is the font in 2 point?
by Counter Trap on Jun 1, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions
Wait, so how will T Kyle King write worth a damn without hyperlinking every. other. fucking. word?
by Joshua on Jun 1, 2009 1:29 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, I’ll take gator porn for 500. Sure to be a classic!
by Croc on Jun 1, 2009 2:53 PM EDT reply actions
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