FULMER CUP: THE BIG BOARD RETURNS

by Orson on May 27, 2009 12:54 PM EDT

After a prolonged absence, the Big Board returns, courtesy of boardmaster Brian. Who is hung. Like Reggie. Fucking. Nelson.

Details, notes, open guffawing and shameful admissions of laxity. All updates from the current processing station are entered, including UConn's loss of points, MTSU's spectacular stealing from roomates case and UL-Laf's zesty, Cajun-style Crawtator theft incident.

In order:

MTSU: 12 points awarded for multiple felony charges. Unless MTSU does something else fairly serious, they're likely not a serious player even with this bushelful of points thanks to this being the work of one diligent dumbass, and thus fall into Ellis T. Jones territory.

UL-Lafayette: 7 points awarded for burglary. Remember, it's bur-glar-REE, with an accent on the end and two e's. No bonus points awarded despite theft of precious XBox 360, a.k.a. a temporary cripple's best friend.

Oklahoma: gets another point for ticket nonsense.

Syracuse: 4 points for burglary, though we almost gave a damning extra credit point for stealing someone's XBox 360, you shitbag. (Thank god for the Orange Box. Orson_Swindle on TF2. I heart 2Fort.)

Southern Miss; two points for drankin' and foolishnuss.

No points are awarded for Richard Goodman turning himself in re: the November brawl at the Campus Union, though we're all still very impressed with your ability to hit girls in the face with thrown chairs. The brawl happened during the season, and is thus outside of the Fulmer Cup's jurisdiction. Also no points for Marshall for this, though there's more to discuss on that in a bit

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Survey Sez!!

by Gator Greg on May 27, 2009 12:58 PM EDT reply actions

2Fort is some weak ass sauce. Tebow only plays in DustBowl.

by gumbercules on May 27, 2009 1:00 PM EDT reply actions

I think there should be a special award, if not bonus points to the Chix, for the USChikin playa who got arrested at Club 330 In Blackstock, SC last weekend. For making the board in the most out of the mainstream USA location. Google Earth lends credence.

by yoyofutbawl on May 27, 2009 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

That MTSU student just missed out on having another round of charges included in the Fulmer Cup. He was charged back on Dec 21, 2008. That would’ve been impressive.

by Geaux Irish on May 27, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, I’ll ask it. How long till A.J. Graham signs a new scholly with Miami-Fla? I hear OC Whipple wants to sign a QB with a real gun.

by Reggie F'n Nelson on May 27, 2009 1:35 PM EDT reply actions

STILL conspicuously absent. . .

I wonder how down the Athens-Clarke County coffers are this year without all that scooter moving violation money.

by Silver Britches on May 27, 2009 1:46 PM EDT reply actions

Let me guess Orson, you play Pyro?

by Marshawn Lynch's Injury Cart on May 27, 2009 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

How’d you guess? (And Demoman. He carries a bottle of booze and blows shit up. We had to.)

by Orson Swindle on May 27, 2009 2:13 PM EDT up reply actions

Seven points gets your school into the top ten. Still?

This is some shameful stuff.

by Sean F on May 27, 2009 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

You know, I hear them “professional online gamers”, or “stoners” as we used to call them, make some coin now and then. Side effects are rotting teeth and automatic 35 lb weight gain. I bet playing TF2 while on the meds would be kinda fun.
Since Im on PS3, I’m partial to the Call of Duty: World at War. Killing Commies, its whats for breakfast!

by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 27, 2009 1:59 PM EDT reply actions

My how times have changed…back in my day, the Sooner fb players not only knew where the courthouse was, they gave directions to the rookie officers.

by Headthief on May 27, 2009 2:00 PM EDT reply actions

Are the Sooners eligible for bonus points or are the crimes too petty to warrant the volume bonus?

by psuphiman80 on May 27, 2009 2:12 PM EDT reply actions

Relax. We still have 90+ days until kickoff. Plenty of ess-eee-cee speed will come to the rescue, as we only have 2 of the top 11.

by yoyofutbawl on May 27, 2009 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

MTSU player’s coach says: “We wish him well in his future endeavors.”

ESPN wants to hire him to work alongside Doug Gottlieb.

by Daniel on May 27, 2009 5:44 PM EDT reply actions

Do you see a sign in my yard that says “Alabama” and their points in the Fulmer Cup? No? You don’t see it do you? You know why motherfucker? Cause it’s not there…….

In a related story, you don’t hear Nick Saban’s name mentioned in the As The World Turns bullshit that is going on with Hello Kiffin and current and former UF coaches. For all the animosity and venom spewed at Nick Saban, he has stopped the nonsense at Alabama and is getting the job done.

While I respect Coach Spurrier and think he is entitled to say what ever he chooses, (the man is the greatest college football coach of the past two decades and he is a classy guy) Meyer is just getting silly by getting on the level of Kiffin. Meyer should just wait to call timeout with two seconds to go in the 4th quarter of the UT game when he’s up by 12 touchdowns. That is his the type of passive aggressive bs that Meyer is famous for…

Y’all know the number 12 don’t cha? It’s nine more than the number of National Championships that UF presently owns…… although at your pace you will catch us in 2020.

by alex f hamilton on May 28, 2009 12:01 AM EDT reply actions