CURIOUS INDEX, 5/27/09

by Orson on May 27, 2009 10:09 AM EDT

Mess with the master, get the master stroke. Let us now speak kindly of talk radio. One of the ballsier things we've ever heard in talk radio ever came when Nick Cellini of 790 the Zone--who always swore he would talk directly to someone he'd trashed on air and say the same thing--told Tony Siragusa he was the worst player he'd ever seen in the NFL during an interview.

This went about as well as you think it would, as Siragusa immediately retreated behind the tired canard of "Where did you play, huh?" The point stood, though: it's particularly powerful if you'll say the exact same thing to someone's face that you broadcast using any number of fabulous modern media.

Enter Steve Spurrier, Kiffykins, and the proper way to utilize the extremely uncomfortable and increasingly antiquated method of talking to someone's face.

Told of Kiffin's comment late Tuesday, Spurrier shook his head and faced Kiffin, who was waiting for an elevator with a couple other coaches. "I didn't accuse you of cheating," Spurrier told Kiffin. "I said, 'Is it permissible to call recruits before he's announced as head coach, before you take the test?"

Spurrier then turned back toward reporters and told them Kiffin took the test online and was unaware that was allowed. Kiffin's face turned red during the 40-second exchange and said something that was inaudible.

What didda didda didda SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

JR! We can't believe you said that to Sue Ellen! Holly's guess as to Kiffin's remarks was "my dad can beat up your dad." Ours? "Name. Name. Stan? Stuart? Remember, Lane! Remember!" The lesson stands: talking to someone face to face is the scariest thing in the world for some people, especially when the person on the other end fears only Tom Osborne.

And no:did not ask for adjoining rooms with Urban Meyer. Meyer was in the room over Kiffin, though, threading a monofilament line through a tiny hole in the ceiling, patiently dripping poison down the thread into the gaping, snoring mouth of a soundly sleeping Kiffin.

Cowardice option, enabled. Speaking of not saying things to someone's face: now additional fun and detective work will be required to triangulate just who voted for whom in the final coaches poll. Starting in 2010 the final ballot will likely be secret, according to USA Today. The ballot with "1. Texas, 2. Texas, 3. Texas" is Mack Brown's.

In case Your School versus Sacrifice Tech doesn't do it: The E'er fearless Boise State Broncos will begin their season on September 3rd against Oregon, reminding both that the Broncos do not geld their schedule unlike some other programs (holding nose, pointing at ourselves,) but also that the football season is only 99 days away, and that we won't be starting a fancy countdown until 50 or so, and that run-on sentences were definitely a problem for us in English class.

Finally: Anecdotal evidence that Tim Tebow is planning to pull a Galahad on this impure world of ours.

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Comments

Please Lawd, please let there be video of that Spurrier/Kiffin exchange.

by Dave(not that one, the other one) on May 27, 2009 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

glad to see your fingers still work Orson – good piece to kickstart hump day

hope those back bones get better soon

by WarChiziken on May 27, 2009 10:34 AM EDT reply actions

Yeah, Spurrier was only asking if Kiffin broke the rules, not actually making a statement of fact. Huge huge difference there.

I find it funny that an uproar was caused when Kiffin said Meyer committed an NCAA violation by calling Nu’keese, and apologies were demanded because “That’s not a violation, Lane DURRRR!!!”

But after Kiffin supposedly made the gas-pumping comment, Lane called a South Carolina signee, which actually IS a violation.

“Everybody defamates from miles away, but face to face they haven’t got a thing to say.”

by etsuVol on May 27, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

Nice Bond reference.

by Coop on May 27, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

So Kiffin’s face actually turned the same color as Orgeron’s everyday face? Hilarious

by Ed on May 27, 2009 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

Things are slightly off-tilt when Petrino is in a crowded elevator and can proudly claim to be the sanest occupant. I bet Kiffin thought of a great comeback 45 minutes later, and rode up and down in the elevator all night hoping to bump into SOS again. “Jerk Store!”

by Pig Stabbin Z on May 27, 2009 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

As if having the coaches poll wasn’t bad enough in principle, now they get to vote without even the threat of public scorn to keep them even a little bit honest?

this is just one more reason why people hate the BCS, and though I have defended the BCS as “not all that bad” in the past, this among other things (Swofford, lies about charities, …ad infinitum) make this increasingly hard to do.

by Kecalf Bailey on May 27, 2009 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

Percy Harvey -

Best book ever read: Cat in the Hat.

First book read by self: Cat in the Hat.

Last book read: Cat in the Hat.

by NRBQ on May 27, 2009 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Is that a Bond reference? I only ever saw it in “Grosse Point Blank” which is better than any 700 Bond movies. Or the “Agent Cody Banks,” since we’re talking about Lane Kiffin.

by witless chum on May 27, 2009 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Been reading Shaggy lately I assume? Getting a little annoyed with the UT fanbase?

by Dixie Normous on May 27, 2009 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

The pop culture remix is quickly becoming one of my new favorite artforms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA

Warning: The linked video will eat your brain and cut into your productivity in ways you can’t possibly imagine. Have fun.

by Big Jon on May 27, 2009 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

A secret ballot to possibly determine a BCS Championship slot. What could possibly go wrong with say, Houston Nutt, Dave Wannstedt and/or DABO SWINNEY having votes? Shudder.

by Counter Trap on May 27, 2009 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

[in best 80’s hack comedian voice] I imagine, if through the miracle of technology, we were able to look into inside Kiffykin’s head….. it might look a little something like this…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LQSoMakoIU

by ben hill gryphon on May 27, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

Somehow, I think that looks more like the inside of Mike Leach’s head.

by yoyofutbawl on May 27, 2009 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

@ 9

Yeah, the poison string is from You Only Live Twice. It probably has been used in other movies, though.

by Coop on May 27, 2009 12:20 PM EDT reply actions

@ 13
Lloyd Carr demands to know the address where this video was made.

by leNDmeabuck on May 27, 2009 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

Ceiling Meyer is watching you mastu… OMG, YOU’RE A LADY!

by vegas_buckeye on May 27, 2009 1:39 PM EDT reply actions

Are you speaking in the sense that you had trouble making run-on sentences? I believe the multiple objects of your participle phrase would fail to qualify as independent clauses. Let’s try to be a little sloppier here guys.

by Tanner on May 27, 2009 2:58 PM EDT reply actions

Tanner said roughly what I was going to say, but he was faster and funnier. I detect SEC talent.

by SonOfBuckeye on May 27, 2009 4:29 PM EDT reply actions

re: Kiffy, in general, nut-bag…specifically, nut-bag…

re: O and run-on sentences…I always like a single sentence conveying multiple and diverse ideas replete with entertaining and unexpected terminology ridiculing deserving individuals…

NRBQ @ #8…please note that the originator of the “Percy Harvey” moniker is the one who’s reading list begins and ends with “The Cat In The Hat”…and she’s got two dogs named Thing One and Thing Two, who, not surprisingly, are her chief advisors…just check her legislative record…Honest…

by sb on May 27, 2009 4:43 PM EDT reply actions