FULMER CUPDATE: WANDERING DRUNKEN COCK SEIZED
South Carolina, never change your mascot. It both reminds us of your surreal, backwards fascination with fighting roosters and gives endless double entendres involving your football program. Look, a hat! Look, a Cock with a bitter taste! Boundless impotence jokes!
In this week’s installment of Cocks behaving badly in the news, sophomore cornerback C.C. Whitlock was arrested for trespassing after police were called and told that a man was refusing to leave Club 330. For the simple trespassing charge, this Cock is given a single point, and reminded that when someone wants a Cock out of their face, it’s best to remove it politely and walk away.
A full Fulmer Cupdate is on the way, Big Board and all. To the ortho first, to find out the current status of your fearless leader’s pesky broken backbones.
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1
southernmost says:
I loved it when SC came to Gainesville. 85,000 people chanting “GO! U! F! BEAT! THOSE! COCKS!” is something everyone should behold.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
2
yoyofutbawl says:
Still love that bumper sticker they had years ago, “Can’t Beat Our Cocks.”
Priceless.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
3
gold man says:
ULTIMATE BURN in the comments section of the first article:
Paris10 (Anonymous) says…
You need to be writing about gardening or something else.
I listened to the interview and Spurrier was very gracious toward Urban.
I look foward to your article on growing squash.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
4
Holly says:
Have we exhausted our supply of “rub some dirt on it” jokes yet? No, you say?
May 26th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
5
ohiodawg says:
Did our host ever say what caused his back problems? Several broken vertebrae seems like a problem you don’t get from sitting in the same position for a long time.
Oh, and “‘Cocks pound Beavers as the SEC continues its dominance over the PAC 10.”
May 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
6
yoyofutbawl says:
The classic meatchup was in the CWS last year when UC Irvine played Oregon State. Beavers vs. Eaters.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
7
softbatch says:
*squint* In the COCKS picture, what is that supposed to be astride the goal line?
May 26th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
8
what'dyousay says:
You should atleast get his name right. it’s Whitlock.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
9
****thegators says:
You should atleast do a little bit of spell and check, Im glad it wasnt CC whitlock
May 26th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
10
Flatlander says:
I saw Vitor Meira broke L1 and L2 during a scrum with the brickwall at Indy over the weekend…I am sensing a new nickname in your future. Or at least an email buddy to swap war stories with.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
11
USC_Cock says:
Back in the early 80’s when Carolina played Southern Cal in Columbia there were signs reading “Your Trojans can’t hold our Cocks”
May 26th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
12
Harris says:
My brother played for Morehead State. You’ve never lived until you’ve joined a few thousand Kentuckians chanting “More! Head! More! Head!”
Sadly, he was never able to get me a “I Love Morehead” t-shirt, and the university rejected his plan to give President Clinton said garment when the former CIC visited the campus. His argument, “Who better to promote Morehead than Bill Clinton?” fell on deaf ears. Philistines.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
13
WallaDawg says:
I dunno. As a proud Whitman College Missionary, we had a few cheers that we dug quite a bit:
“Missionaries, Missionaries, we’re on top!”
“Missionaries do it lying down.”
“Missionaries never take it from behind.”
Etcetera.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm