FULMER CUPDATE: WANDERING DRUNKEN COCK SEIZED

by Orson on May 26, 2009 12:55 PM EDT

South Carolina, never change your mascot. It both reminds us of your surreal, backwards fascination with fighting roosters and gives endless double entendres involving your football program. Look, a hat! Look, a Cock with a bitter taste! Boundless impotence jokes!

In this week's installment of Cocks behaving badly in the news, sophomore cornerback C.C. Whitlock was arrested for trespassing after police were called and told that a man was refusing to leave Club 330. For the simple trespassing charge, this Cock is given a single point, and reminded that when someone wants a Cock out of their face, it's best to remove it politely and walk away.

A full Fulmer Cupdate is on the way, Big Board and all. To the ortho first, to find out the current status of your fearless leader's pesky broken backbones.

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I loved it when SC came to Gainesville. 85,000 people chanting “GO! U! F! BEAT! THOSE! COCKS!” is something everyone should behold.

by southernmost on May 26, 2009 1:31 PM EDT reply actions

Still love that bumper sticker they had years ago, “Can’t Beat Our Cocks.”

Priceless.

by yoyofutbawl on May 26, 2009 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

ULTIMATE BURN in the comments section of the first article:

Paris10 (Anonymous) says…

You need to be writing about gardening or something else.
I listened to the interview and Spurrier was very gracious toward Urban.
I look foward to your article on growing squash.

by gold man on May 26, 2009 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

Have we exhausted our supply of “rub some dirt on it” jokes yet? No, you say?

by Holly on May 26, 2009 2:05 PM EDT reply actions

Did our host ever say what caused his back problems? Several broken vertebrae seems like a problem you don’t get from sitting in the same position for a long time.

Oh, and “’Cocks pound Beavers as the SEC continues its dominance over the PAC 10.”

by ohiodawg on May 26, 2009 2:17 PM EDT reply actions

The classic meatchup was in the CWS last year when UC Irvine played Oregon State. Beavers vs. Eaters.

by yoyofutbawl on May 26, 2009 2:31 PM EDT reply actions

squint In the COCKS picture, what is that supposed to be astride the goal line?

by softbatch on May 26, 2009 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

You should atleast get his name right. it’s Whitlock.

by what'dyousay on May 26, 2009 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

You should atleast do a little bit of spell and check, Im glad it wasnt CC whitlock

by ****thegators on May 26, 2009 2:52 PM EDT reply actions

I saw Vitor Meira broke L1 and L2 during a scrum with the brickwall at Indy over the weekend…I am sensing a new nickname in your future. Or at least an email buddy to swap war stories with.

by Flatlander on May 26, 2009 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

Back in the early 80’s when Carolina played Southern Cal in Columbia there were signs reading “Your Trojans can’t hold our Cocks”

by USC_Cock on May 26, 2009 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

My brother played for Morehead State. You’ve never lived until you’ve joined a few thousand Kentuckians chanting “More! Head! More! Head!”

Sadly, he was never able to get me a “I Love Morehead” t-shirt, and the university rejected his plan to give President Clinton said garment when the former CIC visited the campus. His argument, “Who better to promote Morehead than Bill Clinton?” fell on deaf ears. Philistines.

by Harris on May 26, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions