CURIOUS INDEX, 5/22/09
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Finish! Finish! Of particular interest in this: Sam Robey, the freshman who will likely start at center. He’s number 50 in the next-to-last tussle with 91, Earl Okine, one of the strongest dudes on the team and a possible contributor at tackle after getting so huge he could no longer be placed at defensive end without audible gales of laughter from reason and language. Lane Kiffin likes you to life weights his way…WITH SASS!!! Tennessee may have lost their strength and conditioning coach just six months into the job, a result of “philosophical differences” between Kiffin and Mark Smith, former South Carolina s’n c coach. Smith: But then, under deep structure, we undermine Wittgenstein completely. You’re still mired in a neo-Platonism openly defiant of observed detail and data, Coach? Kiffin: I refuse to be a slave to the elements, Coach Smith. And I don’t know if I can have such a nihilistic materialist on my staff. Smith will likely be replaced by Aaron Ausmus, former Ole Miss weight guy. Orgeron is slowly becoming the flash-fried cayenne-flavored Cheney to Kiffin’s Bush, and will be conducting the business of the program from deep inside a mountain bunker by the time this is all over. Tickets will start at $8000 a piece. Well, why not. Oh, you bet your ass it’s slow. If Robert Marve doing anything besides getting involved in a car accident can merit news coverage, we have entered the doldrums. He’ll be going to Purdue, where he can look forward to the same things he was used to at Miami: sun, beautiful scantily clad women, and an idyllic, responsibility-free Isle of Capri for the spoiled young athlete. Correction: that should be “Math and sweatshirts.” From Flubby: Does the cake taste like violence and fried meat? You bet yo ass it do, chere. |
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1
Crabapple Buck says:
I never had a groom’s cake. Is my marriage still valid?
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:23 am
2
RaginCajunRebel says:
Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos. From the firing meeting:
Kiffin: Are these the Nazis, Coach O?
Da O: No, Kiffy, this man is a nihilist, there’s nothing to be afraid of.
Smith: Ve don’t care. Ve still vant ze money, Orgeron, or ve fuck you up. Iss not fair!
Da O: Fair! WHO DA FUCKIN NIHILIST HEHYAH! WHAT YOU, A MUDDAFUCKIN CRYBAYBAY? I DA ONLY BAYBAY ROUND YUH! DA O! AND GIMMIE DEM DRAWZ BACK.
Kiffin: Whose got your undies, Eddie?
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 am
3
hobeg8r says:
Crabapple – it’s probably valid NORTH of the Mason-Dixon line…to the SOUTH – probably not.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 am
4
GamecockTony says:
@Crabapple – since you are from Ohio, I would assume you married your cousin. So, yes.
Sorry… couldn’t resist.
Also, I’m pretty sure that LSU cake is just a giant Bourbon Ball.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:32 am
5
rebel84 says:
@UT fans:
The Orgeron is pulling the strings within your program. That works out really well. Let me know when they start calling players in for missing class. It’s really fun. They pull the player into a meeting room with all of the coaches and make every coach berate the player on a personal level for missing class or a study hall.
Players LOVE that, and the upshoot is that it makes them REALLY want to give maximum effort for their coaches each Saturday.
Also, let me know the first time Kiffin has your players run a 65 play, full pads scrimmage on a Friday night before a Saturday game. That one works out really well too.
I say all that because I’m curious how much influence The Orgeron is going to have on your program. From the early reports, it sounds like he’s pulling a lot of the strings for you.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 am
6
CincySooner says:
#4… that may be the first time I’ve ever heard the “marry-your-cousin” sterotype applied to Ohio.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 am
7
Crabapple Buck says:
Cousin comment coming from a Gamecock – that’s rich. But I guess if you go back to the beginning of man, we are all related.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
8
Stan Gable says:
#6….its a deflection. I have a cousin that I’ve got my eye on right now…..its just by marriage…that’s cool, right?
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
9
ALGator says:
That cake is bullshit… no “eye of the tiger” at midfield…. loser.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 am
10
ALGator says:
… AND SINGLE-POST GOAL POSTS! WTF!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 am
11
PW says:
…and there are only lines every 10 yards.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:31 am
12
ohiodawg says:
Assmusk. That’s a funny name for a strength coach.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
13
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
First off, where can I find some pads and someone to hit? That video made me want to pop some plastic.
Second, why on earth would anyone *want* to play a football game in a baseball stadium? Getting ready for the Insight.com Bowl? And won’t the Jets have a brand spanking new stadium by the time Notre Dame and Army (pfft!) get around to playing this game? Spare me the “history” line and play football in a football stadium. My foot, people.
Third, crabapple should go get a chocolate cake and share it with someone so his children can claim some legitimacy. Why wouldn’t one have a groom’s cake? What the hell is wrong with Americans not from places where groom’s cakes are common? Craziness.
ALgator: +5 cocktails for critiquing the accuracy of… a cake.
Lastly, as (drunk obnoxious) Georgia fan, I’m definitely looking forward to evening up the Tennessee series while Kiffykins is coach. He should be good for 3-4 wins in a row. And Carolina fans can now actually realistically consider being third in the east. Yeah for them.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
14
zzgator says:
Is there anyone…anywhere,,,who enjoys their life more than the Pouncey twins?
I think not.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
15
zzgator says:
“…” not “,,,”
And another thing…there are people who DON’T have groom’s cakes? Who knew.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
16
Charlestowne says:
@ #8: They’re called ‘kissing cousins’…. so its cool.
Having all of my family from either South Carolina or LA (Lower Alabama), I really don’t have any room to talk s**t.
2nd, Coach Smith is a pretty good S&C coach, so that’s a loss for Tn. Having said that, everything I’ve been hearing lends one to believe that we got a better one now…. we’ll see.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
17
etsuVol says:
Orson they just released the Rimington Trophy (top center) 2009 watch list 2 days ago and Maukice Pouncey is on it. They gonna move him to guard and let a freshman play center or something?
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
18
boilerpete says:
Math and Sweatshirts walked on the moon.
Twice.
First and most recently.
If we could only play football in 1/6 g, well, that would be something.
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:52 pm
19
Papa Lou BSU says:
“He’ll be going to Purdue, where he can look forward to … women…”
Having once spent a couple of weekends in West Lafayette bored to tears (you’ll never see a sleepier campus of 35,000+ students in your lifetime), I’m pretty sure you inaccurately used the plural on that last word there, Orson.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 pm
20
T-Mill says:
I really hope Marve doesn’t take lessons from Torri “Two is my number because that is how many DUI’s I have” Williams, since the condom-stealing fiend will be back for a sixth year of eligibility.
May 25th, 2009 at 9:42 am