THE MARK BRADLEY EXPERIMENT
by Orson on May 21, 2009 1:58 PM EDT
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PrintThe Mark Bradley Experiment is an attempt to cobble together every cliche and needlessly inflammatory hack bored columnists use to piece together offseason pieces. It takes its name from a master of the form, Mark Bradley of the AJC. Enjoy.
Just a few things you can MARK my words about this college offseason...
Nick Saban's Alabama team flopped down the stretch last year. If they go the wrong kind of 10-2 again, what stops a tide of unhappiness from sweeping Saban away? HMMMMM??? MARK my words, it's gonna get worse before it gets better in Tuscaloosa.
Terrelle Pryor is a prima donna waiting to happen. Someone get him a tiara...MARK my words.
Poke!
If Dabo Swinney fails to be competitive, he won't be given a lot of time by Clemson boosters, who'll say "Yabba Dabo Don't" to a contract extension.
The ACC as Entourage: Randy Shannon is Vince, Ralph Friedgen is Turtle, Jim Grobe is Eric, and Frank Beamer is Drama. Of course, it should go without saying that Frank Spaziani is Meadow Soprano, the little minx. Love that show.
I wouldn't let Jimmy Clausen take out my daughter...but I think he'd be a fine prom date for my son!
Gay is catching. Just ask U-Dub! Oh, I'm sorry, that's "losing"! HA!
Sorry, was was being Sarkisian. Whoops! I meant sarcastic!
Speaking of his former boss; no national titles since 2004, Pete Carroll? Maybe you should spend less time twittering and more time coach-ering. That he earns $4 million a year in the middle of California's budget crisis makes me outraged in a way 140 characters only starts to express!
Bobby Bowden and Joe Pa: who quits first? Our money's on Paterno. He won't take a challenge Lion down...MARK my words, reader.
You know why they call him Downtown Mack Brown? Because that's where he enjoys a quiet dinner with his family on Sundays!
MARK 'em: Charlie Weis better put up (the donuts) or shut up this year, or he'll need more than one kind of Hail Mary to save his job!
Mike Leach should shut up about NFL quarterbacks. He never even played in the league! The closest he's getting to the NFL is in a mascot suit!
Bob Stoops to conquer, while Mike Stoops...to pick up an application at the Home Depot! [HD memorial day sale ad]
Speaking of Stoops: can't wait to see him lose another BCS title game. When's he gonna win his first one, huh? Better be SOONER rather than later, buddy!
Source: PIc is Unrelated.
The real reason Tim Tebow can't take a snap under center? Two words: Prop 8.
Mike Sherman's march in 2009 will be less Gone With The Wind and more Gone With The Win! Am I right?
You know what the BCS should stand for? Big Counterfeit Stink, that's what! The Bowl CAN'Tpionship Series will mess things up again this year, just watch. At least they've got two of the letters right!
Your coach isn't recruiting as well as he used to, and that's probably a trend even though I'm not going to cite any real data in asserting this! But it's true, and you can...MARK my words!
I
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Can Joe Cox and Caleb King step up to fill the void left by Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno at Georgia? If they can, the commotion between the hedges will register on the Richt-er scale. And you can definitely MARK that down…
/plaintive chirping of crickets ensues…
by tomcat on May 21, 2009 2:22 PM EDT reply actions
Is this thing on? Take my life, please.
by Mr.Pelican Pants on May 21, 2009 2:33 PM EDT reply actions
And why is it that hot dogs come 12 to a package, but hot dog buns only come 8 to a package? Why should I have to find the lowest common denominator in order to have an equal number of dogs and buns for my cookout?
by Brian Regan on May 21, 2009 2:41 PM EDT reply actions
@tomcat – Until we see photographic evidence that Joe Cox and Caleb King can: A.) Clean and jerk half barrel kegs of coors light at a Tallerdigger race – and/or – B.) Prove that they can run counter tops whilst intoxicated until the wee hours of the morning, they will be in no way comparable to the enterprising twosome of Stafford/Moreno.
by ALGator on May 21, 2009 2:46 PM EDT reply actions
This shouldn’t set back journalist/blogger relations in the slightest. Oh look, here come the tanks.
by Godfrey on May 21, 2009 3:19 PM EDT reply actions
ALG @#6…Cox is also gonna hafta spoon with boys on mattresses outdoors to live up to Stafford’s legacy…
by sb on May 21, 2009 3:23 PM EDT reply actions
Try the prime rib and don’t forget to whip your titresses
by pfhokie Abides on May 21, 2009 3:29 PM EDT reply actions
Don’t get me started- don’t even get me started!
by Molly Shannon on May 21, 2009 3:35 PM EDT reply actions
Hey guys, want an impression of Kevin Scarbinsky from the Birmingham News? Let’s pretend he’s writing about a high school basketball prospect:
“Quick scouting report on Eric Bledsoe:
Runs the floor.
Runs the team.
Runs for the border.
Put all those traits together, and they can mean only one thing. He’s a top basketball prospect from Alabama."
Good stuff amirite? That man sure can write some funny telegrams.
by Fightin' Englishman on May 21, 2009 4:11 PM EDT reply actions
This was a funny trainwreck that I never, ever ever want to see again. Utterly brutal to the eyes and brain.
by Erik on May 21, 2009 5:06 PM EDT reply actions
I can tell that’s a genuine Mark Bradley article by the lack of Georgia Tech mentions. You know, the school/team that’s located about a mile and half from your office, Mark?
by Techie on May 21, 2009 6:05 PM EDT reply actions
Techie, he was BARK MADLY last year with UGA as preseason Nat’l Champs, Arp-Arp-Arp’n all the time he was ridding the band wagon. I’m guessing he’ll be Mark “Paul-Johnson-Is-a-Genius” Bradley this year. Some days I read the AJC and worry if he’s gone off his meds or switched from hard liquor to meth.
by Brewer on May 21, 2009 7:20 PM EDT reply actions
Orson, if you want 100+comments…try a synopsis of Terrence Moore’s inflammatory drivel.
by hlh on May 21, 2009 10:10 PM EDT reply actions
I doubt Saban will stick around long enough to get on the hot seat. I suspect Saban is already planning his next move.
by Ackos on May 22, 2009 8:26 AM EDT reply actions
sb @ #9 … Cox is already living the dream. He was the little spoon in the whole Stafford-Talladega soiree.
by AuditDawg on May 22, 2009 10:55 AM EDT reply actions
If Auburn can’t find some way to hang with the Crimson Tide in this year’s Iron Bowl, I suspect Coach Chizik to be FOREVER IN BLUE GENES.
Jevon Sneed looks like a legit quarterback for Mississippi. If he has a better season than Ryan Mallett, that’s going to drive Arkansas fans NUTTS!
With prophecy like that, I might need to check myself for the MARK OF THE BEAST.
by Ivory Tower on May 22, 2009 4:43 PM EDT reply actions
With Randall Cobb at the helm, UK’s coach-in-waiting “Joker” Phillips might just flop all aces in 2009. In a world full of suckers, I’m not just another MARK.
@IT—well played, you cream-colored structure, you.
@ALGator—you forgot to mention the ability to do mat drills while chewing on a tater, a.k.a “The Justin Houston, we have a problem” drill. MARK it down!
by tomcat on May 23, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions
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