CURIOUS INDEX, 5/20/09

by Orson on May 20, 2009 8:45 AM EDT

Upgrade Spectacular Asshole Status. Ladies and gentlemen: Jim Delany, as seen below, broadcasting his estimate of the President's understanding of the BCS:

Someday, people will just put up a picture of Jim Delany and assume the same thing.

The president initially voiced his wish for a football playoff last fall while campaigning and has remained an advocate. "He probably has an interest as a fan," Delany said. "He's a scholar and a lawyer and a great politician, but I don't think he really understands the complexity of the issue."

Because it's reeeeeeeally complex, Jim. No way could even the most casual observer figure out the complex math involved in keeping your money in your pots. That kind of understanding ANALYSIS BROKEN GOD YOU'RE SUCH A TOTAL DICK.

But they're talking, baby! Tennessee reports another secondary violation after a high school recruit was mentioned by name on Lane Kiffin's Twitter feed. This should be replaced by a blanket app the Tennessee program just sends in every year: a signed glossy 8 x 10 of Lane Kiffin with "This coupon good for four secondary violations this year." Then again, that might be redundant.

Downgrade Dickhead Status Two Degrees. Cable package tribulation/ Need football negotiation/Last year had to watch online/ This year it will be just fine/ ESPN U is standard/ No longer package gerrymandered/want your cable a la carte/ too bad here's media Wal-Mart/it's spelled C-O-M-C-A-S-T.

What's a bit of graft between friends? Anthone Lott and Fred Weary were defensive backfield stalwarts on the '96 title game. (Fred Weary lingers in our mind especially for his fearsome smoking habit, something he maintained throughout his career as a starter at Florida. He smoked like a Russian gangster.) Lott is now accused of stealing a shit ton of money from Weary in a construction deal, and will be wearing the stylish Celtic-themed uniforms of the Alachua County Jail for the moment. That
life skills seminar would have helped, especially the "don't steal money attached to a major bank loan," because they tend to notice those things.

Perhaps it's the Red Bull and Jerky. Ed Orgeron did not make this list, and Bruce would know whether to put him on there, having spent a year breathing the exhaust from the Orgeron's Red Bull-fueled motor in person. The discovery that Mario Cristobal is capable of busting your ass in an MMA match means that FIU now leads our draft board for "most dangerous coach/player" combo with A'Mod Ned as the player half of the duo.

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…. And now the mystery of A’mod Ned’s injury has been solved.

It was Coach Cristobal, in the Front Yard, with his Bare Hands.

by CincySooner on May 20, 2009 8:56 AM EDT reply actions

Also, I’m not so sure that Feldman really did his research all that well. Stoops has put on a few pounds in recent years. Now that he’s pushing 50, he’s staring down the barrel of Amato-grade man-boobs that will become more and more dificult to fend off in the coming years.

by CincySooner on May 20, 2009 9:02 AM EDT reply actions

Every time I read or hear something about Jim Delany, I’m less embarrassed of Bobby Lowder.

by sevenDs on May 20, 2009 9:09 AM EDT reply actions

What – no mention of the fact that the ND media guide left out Weis’ losing season?

http://www.faniq.com/blog/Charlie-Weis-Biography-In-Notre-Dame-Media-Guide-Leaves-Out-Losing-Seasons-Blog-24104

by hobeg8r on May 20, 2009 9:11 AM EDT reply actions

Every time Jim Delaney opens his mouth, I feel like I get a little dumber. Even when he may actually have a point, he goes about making it in the most pathetic and ridiculous way.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on May 20, 2009 9:28 AM EDT reply actions

@hobeg8r

Doc Saturday has already ripped apart the “left out his losing seasons” notions at the end of this post.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Obama-boldly-declares-We-will-land-a-crystal-f?urn=ncaaf,164464

by TJ on May 20, 2009 9:31 AM EDT reply actions

We’re a bit behind thanks to the past day and a half, but working up to something like normal speed shortly.

by Orson Swindle on May 20, 2009 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

NFLN is also going on the digital tier, so while I hate Comcast slightly less these days, I’m still dumping those bitch-asses as soon as FIOS comes onboard. Comcast Tower is a 20-minute bike ride from my apartment and you’d think those dirtbags would treat the home market a bit better than the average Comcast victim but we get it just as hard as everybody else.

by Harris on May 20, 2009 10:04 AM EDT reply actions

God I love Delany…

by Pants McPants on May 20, 2009 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

So let me see if I understand these secondary violations: Is it like Catholicism, where you go to the NCAA, confess your sins (Bless me father Brand, for I have sinned…), and are absolved? And you can just do this as many times as you want, without any repercussions?

Why even have those rules, then?

by CKGator on May 20, 2009 10:30 AM EDT reply actions

Dear Jim Delany –
I realize you live in a land of delusion, along with your PAC-10 bretheren – but putting politics aside for a moment*, Obama wasn’t afraid to go after the multi-trillion dollar financial industry to help right the ship, he is dealing with 2 of the worlds auto makers, etc…That being said – I would advise shutting your whore mouth and not taunting the president by claiming a lack of understanding of “complexity” or he’ll reform the shit out of you, your family and the monopoly you so desperately wish to protect.

Or maybe he’ll just put a cigarette out in your eye, bitch.

This is in keeping with EDSBS’s policy of “No Politics” – O could have his nom de plum revoked

by vegas_buckeye on May 20, 2009 10:49 AM EDT reply actions

I hate those monotone comcast commecials so, so bad. Them and the Carpets of Dalton commercials, featuring the towering giant Kathy Richt.

by MightyMightyMitzu on May 20, 2009 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

“Obama wasn’t afraid to go after the multi-trillion dollar financial industry to help right the ship, he is dealing with 2 of the worlds auto makers, etc…”

::bites tongue::

by MiseanAUFan on May 20, 2009 1:15 PM EDT reply actions

Despite his head-coach-like salary, Coach O is no longer a head coach; ergo he didn’t make the list.

by Jerrell Powe's tutor on May 20, 2009 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

Bob Stoops thinks that Lane Kiffin is an amateur when it somes to secondary violations:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=4084733

“The report lists 11 total secondary violations for the 2002-03 and 2003-04 school years, but at least 30 for every year since and a high point of 46 in 2005-06.”

by MiseanAUFan on May 21, 2009 8:23 AM EDT reply actions