AN APOLOGY AND OTHER WONDERS OF EDITING

Incompetence is to blame. It's not really fair to say Notre Dame airbrushed Charlie Weis' record from the books completely, as a post of ours over on TSB said. Doc Saturday was all over this as exaggeration, since you may see Weis' full record on the following page of the media guide which includes all the painful losses you care to see from 2007 and beyond--even the loss to Greg "Paddling Uphill" Robinson.

This was the worst kind of rushing through shit, something we're terribly guilty of all too often. We can't even blame the painkillers, as they would have done the same thing stone sober, most likely. There's a clarification in the post on TSB, and a total mea culpa here for the lack of effort. Michael Irvin would cut us from 4th and Long for it, and we would have taken our pads out of the lockerroom happily.

In some kind of act of atonement, we offer the finest in stunning slant from coaching bios:

Al Groh, UVA coach, whose entry includes this glowing boast:

In addition to his 56-44 record, Groh’s teams are 34-30 against ACC competition.

Wow: that's truly notable mediocrity, anonymous ACC media writer. It certainly lacks the De Goya-esque gore of Dave Wannstedt's entry, brought to you by the bloody, misbegotten prose of Dennis Dodd:

He is a living, breathing example of a Pitt education and Pitt football. "There might be no other coach in the country who knows the very soil beneath him better than `Wanny,'" CBS Sportsline.com senior writer Dennis Dodd said. "Wannstedt's blood and sweat literally stain the grass at his alma mater."

Dave Wannstedt is conveniently Vulcan for the sakes of this metaphor. At least he has something referring to his accomplishments as coach, as well as a tragic piece of tribute language devoted to him. Mike Sherman's entire A&M bio has this to say about 2008:

(Jack. Shit.)

They haven't gotten around to updating poor Mike's profile yet, and if they're kind, they won't. Just leave it up there to remind them why they hired him in the first place. (We feel for A&M fans, since they kind of just have to sit back and pray it works out, or that they fall into the right young coach when they fire Sherman. It is a horrible, drawn-out queasiness that will last at least another year. We're sorry.)

Colorado's bio of Dan Hawkins says FUCK YOU, SHITTY 2006 TEAM.

And there were other positives, most notably the fact that his Buffaloes were in every game, fighting until the end despite being outmanned at several positions.

..and Arizona State's Dennis Erickson's has this original poetry from the veteran coach:

DO RE MI Drink:
DOUGH, the stuff, that buys me beer;
RAY, the guy that sells me beer;
ME, the one, who drinks the beer;
FAR, a long run to get beer;
SO, I'll have another beer;
LA, I'll have another beer;
TEA, no thanks I'm drinking beer;
That will bring us back to... (looks in empty glass) D'OH!

It also makes no mention of the tragic death of Rudy Carpenter from internal injuries suffered in ASU's protection averse offense last year, so there's obviously some serious editing and improvements needed.

BONUS FUN! Kansas State's former AD was certifiably insane.

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