BACK TO THE USUAL DELAYS
by Orson on May 19, 2009 5:52 AM EDT
Email
PrintHey, kids. If you're reading this, it's because we were in the emergency room all night getting a pesky couple of broken transverse processes of the L1 and L2 lumbar vertebrae taken care of by the fine medical professionals at Emory Hospital. You ever had Dilaudid? It's like morphine, but with robot arms, a trust fund, and a horrendous gambling problem. We met last night.
Play me off for 6-8 weeks, Keyboard Cat.
No permanent or lasting damage, as the piece of angry, disunited bones in my back aren't load bearing. They do hurt like I swallowed a plugged-in soldering gun, which is why I'm waking up in a few hours to dust off some more delicious, nutritious Percocet.
Thanks to all the well-wishers on Twitter and Facebook. (Our phone doesn't work, as the iPhone battery died last night, too.) It's pill and sleep time, and we'll see what "we" feel like tomorrow.
68 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Unplug that soldering gun!!!…Hope you feel better soon!
by Landshark on May 19, 2009 6:29 AM EDT reply actions
Now that you have joined the ranks of painkiller users, your already profound creativity will increase tenfold. Rush Limbaugh, Jimi Hendrix, Ray Charles, Kurt Cobain, and William S. Burroughs all approve of your new found habit.
Get well soon and don’t take the Methadone – it is for quitters.
by Kenny Loggins on May 19, 2009 7:08 AM EDT reply actions
Holy free floating radicals Batman!! ….Best wishes.
by GatorGreg on May 19, 2009 8:01 AM EDT reply actions
Thank Tebow there is no lasting damage!
Get better dude.
by psuphiman80 on May 19, 2009 8:11 AM EDT reply actions
That is a pretty staggering confluence of tags. Enjoy the Bat Country the Percocet sends you to, and feel better soon.
by TJ on May 19, 2009 8:13 AM EDT reply actions
mmm… dilaudid. Nothing like a couple of the K4’s in the morning.
You get no sympathy from me, only pure jealousy.
by ufcaver on May 19, 2009 8:41 AM EDT reply actions
Here’s to hoping you come off of the disabled list soon.
by ALGator on May 19, 2009 9:16 AM EDT reply actions
Mark Richt will be praying for you, I’m sure.
by Silver Britches on May 19, 2009 9:22 AM EDT reply actions
Better recover quickly or Urban will give away your scholarship.
by ohiodawg on May 19, 2009 9:22 AM EDT reply actions
I warned you about sneaking up on Beano Cook. See what happens when you don’t listen?
In more cheerful news, Chick-Fil-A now offers online ordering and delivery. Just because you’re bed-ridden with a broken back no longer means you can’t enjoy the world’s greatest chicken sandwich in the comfort, relatively speaking, of your own home. And be sure to wash down your pharmaceuticals, both prescription and “urban,” with an ice cold sweet tea or a frosty milkshake. Chick-Fil-A: The meal of choice for discriminating cripples everywhere.
by Harris on May 19, 2009 9:27 AM EDT reply actions
Tis but a scratch. I’ve had worse. Merely a flesh wound…come back here I’ll bite your legs off!
by JIMatUA on May 19, 2009 9:30 AM EDT reply actions
100 opiates to you, good sir!
6-8 weeks doped up is a good way to kill time during the dry part of the offseason
Mend well.
by vegas_buckeye on May 19, 2009 9:34 AM EDT reply actions
10: Alternate that ice cold sweet tea with some freshly made lemonade. The single pickle on those sandwiches doesn’t give you a free pass from scurvy.
Rest up and heal, Orson.
by brougham on May 19, 2009 9:38 AM EDT reply actions
Who knew that [Name Redacted] twitter was a premonition of the doom to come.
Get well soon O.
by Bunkie Perkins on May 19, 2009 9:42 AM EDT reply actions
I got Dilaudid once for a kidney stone – that is some good stuff, I literally couldn’t see straight. Get well soon.
by Joe on May 19, 2009 9:50 AM EDT reply actions
Rub some dirt on it! Get well soon!
Seems your MMA career is over before it had a chance to blossom. In your new opiated state, Holly better be standing by for a lot of corrections.
by Crabapple Buck on May 19, 2009 9:52 AM EDT reply actions
Get well Orson. As a certified doctor*, be sure to take a swig of purple drank to wash down your Percocet.
*No, not really.
by Geaux Irish on May 19, 2009 10:05 AM EDT reply actions
Get well soon and sleep it off. I recommend NyQuil… Capital N, small y… BIG FUCKIN Q!
by Michigan Gator on May 19, 2009 10:06 AM EDT reply actions
“fine medical professionals at Emory Hospital.”
As a graduate of that fine institution, I must say that the doctors there are quite experienced in emergency medicine of the hilarious kind. Get better dude.
by BurritoBrosShits on May 19, 2009 10:20 AM EDT reply actions
Well that sucks, hope the recovery goes smoothly.
Never had Dialaudid, if it is more extreme than Demerol then it must be something indeed. I had a big dose of the latter after breaking my tibia and fibula and supposedly my first words to my mother when they brought me home were “I just broke my leg and I don’t give a fuck”.
by oc phil on May 19, 2009 10:20 AM EDT reply actions
Boy, let that ’Tussin get down to the bone!
Get better O. Sorry to hear about the… er… whatever it was that caused that. All the best.
by Maize n Brew Dave on May 19, 2009 10:23 AM EDT reply actions
Jesus Christ, Swindle. I think it should go without saying, but you’re not supposed to do whatever it is that you did. I just hope TCOAN came out of it unharmed.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on May 19, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
Dilauded is both an opiate and a narcotic (thank you science). Remember, those aren’t warning labels on the side of your pill bottle. They’re serving instructions!
by mattain on May 19, 2009 10:29 AM EDT reply actions
Is this related to the MMA thing? Well, then, with all the drugs and painkillers you are taking, you should be automatically advanced into a WWE contract, just be sure to add HgH to the mix to be a well rounded wrassler.
My dedication to you on Casey Casem’s Long Distance Dedication would be “Comfortably Numb”….., remember, as Heart always said, “One pill makes you smaller……….”
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 19, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions
Oh yeh, the thing about Dilauded, it made me itch like a mofo, just ask for some Benadryl so you can actually enjoy it.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 19, 2009 10:49 AM EDT reply actions
Urban Meyer thinks your injury is ‘harsh’. Get well, the standings in the Fulmer Cup are hanging in the balance.
by The Snake will Drive Again on May 19, 2009 10:49 AM EDT reply actions
Love me some Dilauded. A little over a year ago I destroyed my ankle (nasty spiral break).
Morphine was completely useless, so they switched me over to the big D. Oh man, I was lovin’ life.
Here’s to a speedy and pain-free recovery! :)
by Pappy on May 19, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
Get up, you’re not hurt. Rub some dirt on it.
by Not the Mama on May 19, 2009 10:57 AM EDT reply actions
Did you fall off the Gazelle? Tony Little says its not his fault.
Get Well soon.
by Lane Kiffin's Nueron on May 19, 2009 11:01 AM EDT reply actions
See, see what you did here Orson?
You make fun of Richt, and he has God break your back.
Mark’s got the hotline to warm anf fuzzy Jesus, but he’s also tight with wrathful Old Testament “turn you into a pillar of salt” God.
And God LOVES Wilson Phillips.
by Yakko on May 19, 2009 11:02 AM EDT reply actions
GET OUT OF THAT BED YOU SISSY!!!11
YOU WANNA FIGHT ABOUT THIS FRAT BOY?!?!!!
by [REDACTED] on May 19, 2009 11:04 AM EDT reply actions
God speed, O.
(Wait, is that what you say when someone’s dying? I forget.)
Either way, this is what you get for trying to impersonate Percy Harvin’s hip swerve.
by GamecockTony on May 19, 2009 11:06 AM EDT reply actions
Get well soon, but not too soon. That Dilaudid is nice place to visit.
by Adam on May 19, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions
IS THAT ALL U GOT, ORSON?
Get well soon and enjoy the happy pills.
by Irish09 on May 19, 2009 11:48 AM EDT reply actions
Get better Orson… by the way, I was once told by a friend of mine who took an unhealthy interest in such matters that dilaudud is heroin like in its effects. So crank up the Iggy Pop and start blogging in a Scottish accent.
by ben hill gryphon on May 19, 2009 11:56 AM EDT reply actions
Well, thank the football Gods it happened in the off season, after signing day, but before SEC media days. Great timing!
by Hook'em Tide on May 19, 2009 12:00 PM EDT reply actions
Tape and ice cure anything.
Well, anything excpet Jim Tressel’s playcalling.
Get well, you pansy.
by Counter Trap on May 19, 2009 12:19 PM EDT reply actions
O-
I was watching the twitter stream last night, and can’t visualize exactly how this accident happened or the circumstances leading up to it. While you’re off riding on the magic opiate carpet ride – would Holly or Freek be so kind as to create a reenactment?
If only this had been a hang clean accident…
by vegas_buckeye on May 19, 2009 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
Fell off a pullup bar & landed back-first on a weight?!?
See? Exercise is bad, mmkay?
by Trojan Chica on May 19, 2009 12:34 PM EDT reply actions
On a lighter note, as far as the MMA thing goes, I did enjoy watching “Bully Beatdown” on MTV where they pay bullies money to get into the ring with MMA Pro’s for 2 rounds of grappling and kick boxing. At first thought, I would do it for 10k. After watching it, it would take 100k. I could see someone getting their back tweaked or their spleen busted pretty quick. I’d imagine since you will be laid up, your DVR will be taping random stuff to watch. Highly recommended. Get well.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 19, 2009 12:46 PM EDT reply actions
Oh yeh, and this:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080914080043AAyNKkB
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 19, 2009 12:51 PM EDT reply actions
Ouch. (Or at least it would be if you weren’t hopped up on happy pills.)
Here’s to a speedy recovery.
by SpartanDan on May 19, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions
I suppose that is a close fascimile to being landed on by Mt. Cody, so now you know. Good luck, O. (And it could be worse- you could have a bunch of broken fingers- not so helpful for those who type for their wages).
by Flatlander on May 19, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
Pfft. “Chin-ups.” We’ve seen Orson’s body. Does anyone really believe that was doing chin-ups? The man got completely hammered and fell off the barstool midway through his third appletini.
by Harris on May 19, 2009 1:27 PM EDT reply actions
Hope you feel better swindle.
In totally unrelated news, I’m driving down University Ave. today in Gainesville.
I notice the Florida Bookstore is having a sale on laptop locks – $20 marked down from $50.
My first thought is that must be their version of the “Cam Newton Special.”
by snuff on May 19, 2009 1:40 PM EDT reply actions
Hang in there Orson – unfortunately this sounds like the kind of injury where laughing really hurts like hell; so stay out of the Jerry Clower records and keep the tv off of Hee Haw for a while.
by AtlantaDomer on May 19, 2009 1:59 PM EDT reply actions
Get well soon, Orson.
On the plus side, when you come up out of your opiate haze, it’ll only be 4-6 weeks to football season.
by General Beaver on May 19, 2009 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Get Well Soon Dept:
Sorry to read that Swindle joined the “back problem” club. Don’t worry, it will most likely get better.
Potential Silver Lining: More back rubs from TCOAN!!! … which may lead to ……
by Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me on May 19, 2009 4:34 PM EDT reply actions
Here’s hoping you show some of that SEC Speeeeeeed regarding your recovery.
by Meg on May 19, 2009 4:53 PM EDT reply actions
Dilaudid, good. Just watch out the plumbing doesn’t back up. That’s the not fun part of the euphoria thing. At least it was for me when I was trying to drop the kids off at the pool with a full leg cast after a motorcycle accident.
by Brian O'Blivion on May 19, 2009 4:54 PM EDT reply actions
I pray this injury had nothing to do with the phrase:
“Hey ya’ll! Watch this!”……..As far as the drug addiction goes, watching the Steve-O documentary on MTV makes doing recreational drug use a profession for stuntmen.Also proved my theory that all professional clowns are coke addicts, and that my fear of clowns is well founded.
And watching the Michael Irvin “4th and Long” show on Spike is good therapy too.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on May 19, 2009 5:44 PM EDT reply actions
See, you messed with Jesus’ best frend Mark Richt and now you see what happens.
Hope you feel better.
by hinesacl on May 19, 2009 6:23 PM EDT reply actions
Dilaudid=velvet hammer.
Backs are a bitch except for the goodies. I only get vikes and Bacardi you lucky prick.
Have Tebow lay on hands and Pete Carroll give you an inspirational talk. You’ll be humpin them Gainseville strippers, I mean coeds, in no time.
by TrojanAlslovechild on May 19, 2009 6:47 PM EDT reply actions
I have met your friend Dilaudid, in fact it took 2 shots of it to get my pain under control.
If the good folks at Emory aren’t able to solve your problem email me and I’ll give you the name of the best spine doctor in Metro Atlanta. I truly owe that man my life!
Good luck and I hope you feel better!
by Ellen on May 19, 2009 6:55 PM EDT reply actions
Rest up, Orson. Hope the back feels better soon. Or at a minimum, that the drugs work.
by Papa Lou BSU on May 21, 2009 11:36 PM EDT reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
