DO YOU NEED A PILLOW, COACH RICHT?
Please, Coach Richt. Sit down. Would you like a pillow? You would? That couch is awfully firm, I know. Yes, it probably would hurt your back if you slept on it. Ouch! What sleep number are you? A 27, you say? They go that high? Wow. You are a man of refined and delicate tastes, sir!
So I’m here to discuss the Florida Georgia game with you. That game in Jacksonville, yes. So you want it moved? Right? Because it’s…hot. Oh, you mean in this room, too? Yes, it’s somewhere around 75 degrees in here. You require an exact temperature of 74 degrees in order to not wilt? Really? Well, sure I guess we can do something about that. There, adjusted it for you. Gonna make it? Sure?
Okay! Let’s talk. You want to move the game to Atlanta because it’s hotter in Jacksonville, and because going to Jacksonville isn’t really playing at a neutral spot. Right. Does that mean Georgia might win with a greater frequency than once every six years if you move it to the Georgia Dome–
The tea? Too…what? Warm? Yes? It burned your mouth? Would you like–
Water with lemon. Of course. No ice, right? Somehow I knew that would be the case.
There you are.
So somehow moving the game from a place where the entire stadium is divided evenly, and both teams regularly fill their allotment of seats in perfect balance, and then play a game in extremely pleasant conditions in front of said balanced crowd after both teams spend a night in a hotel before the game, that this has something to do with losing 16 of 19 games since 1990 in this rivalry…even after your university ran through similar nasty streaks in similar fashion in the year leading up to this reversal?
That somehow, after 75 years of competition, this arrangement suddenly became a problem in 1990? Like this is the product of some kind of Wilson Phillips “Hold On”-influenced curse? Like, pre-1990, no problem, we’re rolling along nicely, and then BAM OH SHIT THE TOP SONG OF 1990 WE’RE DOOMED–
I know, you love that song. It’s inspirational. I sing it when things get hard, too. But if you’re telling me that pre-Wilson Phillips=Jacksonville RULZ, and post-Wilson Phillips Jacksonville KILLZ BULLDAWGZ DED, I’ll be happy to believe it, because nothing else explains it. Ray Goff can’t quite be blamed for the whole thing. Neither can Jim Donnan. You know what you’re doing and even you still can’t win with any consistency in this series–and you were the one propping FSU up in the late 90s while Bowden began to rust through his floorboards. So I know what you’re going to have to do.
The sandwiches too spicy? They’re just cucumber and white bread with a bit of mustard, but–why, yes, Coach. I imagine mustard is too spicy for some people.
Anyway, you may be a Christian, and that’s great. Because you’re going to have to kill Wilson Phillips, Coach Richt. All of them. I know, not doing that is part of the charter ten. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know they all live somewhere in California. If you’re looking for the big one, she’ll be sitting by the Grand Canyon behind a piano. I’m fairly certain she’s chained to it at all times. Otherwise, move the game to Athens on an away and away series for Florida if you like, for all Florida cares. As long as Wilson Phillips breathes in the third rate concert halls of this nation, you stand no chance to break free break free from the chaaaaaaiiiin.
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51
NativeSon says:
@48
“Ahhhh, the smugness of having won a couple of NC’s. It is understandable to a degree, but this is ridiculous.”
How could you, as a Bulldog fan, POSSIBLY even begin to understand? How’s that for smug?
May 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am
52
Art Vandelay says:
Move the game to the Georgia Dome? By all fucking means — go for it! It’s basically The Swamp North, and has been host to some of the great moments in Gator football history. Home and home? Sure, why not? I was in Athens and Gainesville for the games when the Gator Bowl was being renovated, and if I recall correctly, the Ol’ Ball Coach put up half a hundred on the pups between the hedges. You could’ve heard a mouse pissing on cotton in that place by midway through the 2nd quarter. Home-field advantage, my ass.
And as for the puppies bitching about UF’s non-conference slate, why not have a look at who was just added as your 12th game in 2010? That’s right, the Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Motherfuckin’ Cajuns!
Give us a break — excuses are for pussies. Bring a better team to the game and stop dropping open passes and missing tackles, and maybe you’ll be able to turn your shitty fortunes around. Unlikely, but you never know.
May 19th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
53
Matt says:
The only logical thing here to do is one of two choices. (1) No neutral site. Every other year its in Gainesville or Athens. Or (2) Every other year its in Jacksonville or The Georgia Dome. Thats it. Its just logic.
May 19th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
54
DHC says:
Richt is absolutely right that Florida has an advantage: we have Urban while you have that guy.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
55
NRBQ says:
Congratulations, #52, you’re Art Vandlay number 72,348 on the interwebs. Clever!
Unfortunately, you are one of uncountable hordes of dickhead “you suck, pussies” cfb posters.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
56
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
1. Any talk of moving the game is simply negotiating a sweeter deal for the two teams involved. Especially, in this case, Georgia.
2. The talk is the wrong kind of talk. It’s loser talk, but given the record in Jax that Richt is toting right now, it seems about right. 2 wins is going to get him fired. Eventually. But not soon.
3. Paul Johnson > Mark Richt? It’s more like Tech:Georgia::Georgia:Florida. Enjoy your one and eight for however many days are left.
4. +5 Cocktails to rjsplow
5. Boclive is funny. He’s from Alabama and he’s making a “Georgians are dumb” joke. Ha! That’s priceless. Alabama is so very precious as it wallows in its provincialism.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:29 am
57
Jason says:
Spanky @ 30:
Yes, I remember what happened the last time Florida came to Athens. The Braves won the World Series. That is the only thing I remember from that day. It required expensive therapy to achieve this state, so don’t remind me.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:20 am
58
Art Vandelay says:
NRBQ, in another day & time, you’d be right. Nobody likes a poster who just spouts off baseless insults, and my previous post could certainly be interpreted as insulting to UGA fans.
The only problem with your theory is that, in this case, you actually DO suck, and the Dawgs bitching about the game being played in Jax ARE pussies. See, by trying to use a stadium as part of your excuse for losing to UF every year, you, Richt and the other UGA fans who want the game moved are just trying to minimize the REAL factors behind the Gators’ 16 out of 19 streak (and counting). The actual reasons behind the streak are very simple, and have nothing at all to do with where the game is played:
1. UF has been a consistently better team than UGA ever since Spurrier arrived in 1990 (3 national championships in 4 appearances, and all those SEC titles speak for themselves).
2. UGA receivers and tight ends can be counted on for at least two huge drops per game, every year, and ESPN will show at least two highlights of UGA defenders grasping at air while someone like, say, Percy Harvin or Tim Tebow runs right past (or over) them.
3. UGA coaches are apparently incapable of preparing the team for this game, even when the Pups have equal or better talent. From the opening kickoff (or, last year, from the time Spikes planted Moreno 8 inches under the turf), the Dawgs behave like a team that knows it has no chance and thus, they have none.
Oh, and how do you know I’m not the ORIGINAL Art Vandelay on the interwebs? I realize it’s not nearly as creative and original as “NRBQ.” Is that pronounced “narr-be-queue?”
So, bitch all you want, and hate me all you want — it doesn’t change the fact that you suck, pussy.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:24 am
59
the tri guy says:
Art Vandalay,
Prior to 2002, I’d agree wholehearted that UF was consistently better, since then, the talent levels have been much closer and UGA turning into a headcase in the City to Busy to Bathe has had as much to do with the losses down there as Florida has.
The bottom line is UGA couldn’t be wound any tighter when they step on the field in Jax if they tried. It is obvious in the body language, the play calling, execution, everything. The team, fans, and coach all sit around and wait for the inevitable colossal mistake that’s bound to happen. Dropped passes, missed tackles, handing the ball forward instead of lateraling backwards, having fucking punt hit you in the back, etc. all happen when you’re puckered up so tight that you can’t breath.
The fact of the matter is we blew our chance to gain any momentum in 02, 03, and 05 specifically. Win both of those, and Richt’s probably breathing a lot easier. Lose three winnable games, and the pressure keeps mounting.
May 20th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
60
Art Vandelay says:
Tri Guy, you’re right. The talent level on our respective teams has been pretty close to equal for quite a few years, but it hasn’t translated into enough wins for the Dawgs, either against the Gators, or in general. I’m of the belief that Richt has taken this team as far as he can take them. It may be unreasonable to even suggest that he should be replaced, but I think the only way that program will take the next step toward national championship contention is to find a coach who understands the intricacies of motivation better than Richt does. He’s clearly an excellent X’s and O’s coach, and is the best coach UGA has ever had (yes, including Dooley), but that doesn’t necessarily cut it in the SEC anymore. With Richt, the Dawgs can go 10-2 every year and win an SEC title here and there, but they won’t reach the level of consistent championship contention that teams like UF, USC, Texas, or OU have achieved.
All the mental lapses that have happened to UGA in the Cocktail Party are easily remedied with a couple of wins in a row; I don’t think that streak starts this year, though — I’m clearly biased, but I don’t think this year’s UF team is beatable by this year’s UGA team. Once Tebow moves on next year, I think the playing field is leveled out considerably, and that could be the time for Adams to consider a coaching change.
The program at UGA has too much going for it to suffer as many setbacks as it has under Richt. There’s not a single reason why UGA couldn’t have the same success as those schools — the facilities are there, the fanbase is there, the recruiting base is there, but the Top Dawg doesn’t seem quite up to the challenge. Of course, the really difficult part of the equation is figuring out who could do a better job — replacing Richt with the wrong guy could set the program back a decade, like it did with Goof/Donnan, or it could be a temporary setback like UF had with Zook. Timing is everything.
May 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
61
Art Vandelay says:
My post above got screwed up somehow…the 2nd paragraph is actually supposed to be the 3rd, and vice versa.
May 20th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
62
the tri guy says:
Yeah, I don’t know what I think about Richt getting over that hump. I want to believe he will, because I truly believe he is a good man and a great ambassador for the program. However, good men and great ambassador’s don’t win national titles these days. You have to be dickhead enough to get every ounce out of your players and I don’t know that Richt does that. I think he got a lot more out of them when he had BVG there to play Erk to his Dooley.
Richt’s downfall to me isn’t so much motivation. We laid three straight beatdowns on LSU after Saban embarrassed Richt in the 03 SEC championship. His problem is that his game management skills absolutely blow. I swear, sometimes it’s like he isn’t watching the same game everyone else is. Case in point: 2002 WLOCP, Greenie starts 5-5 with a touchdown and UGA is rocking. Then he pulls Greene for Shockley, not to run a QB draw or something, but to throw a 30 yard, across the field, out pattern. 2005 we ran the JT3 sweep on 3rd and 14 on the final drive of the game. I could go on and on and on.
I liken the situation to Mack Brown and Texas prior to 2005. Who were you going to get better? You can’t fire a coach that wins 80% of his games b/c who is going to want to replace him knowing that 80% isn’t good enough for you to keep your job?
May 20th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
63
NRBQ says:
Yeah. Did I say I wanted the game moved?
Art Vandelay. Cool name.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
64
NRBQ says:
P.S.
Really impressed with your internet badassness.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:07 pm