THE BCS MAKES IT RAIN ON J.C. WATTS

by Orson on May 11, 2009 11:52 AM EDT

Right there, looking into Joey's eyes, it all came back in a rush. Why I do what I do. Defending the defenseless, protecting the disenfranchised corporations that have been abandoned by their very own consumers: the logger, the sweatshop foreman, the oil driller, the land mine developer, the baby seal poacher...

Even the devil needs an advocate: thus J.C. Watts' happiness to represent the BCS among a long list of other organizations including NASCAR, the ACLU, and AIDS, as a registered lobbyist. It beats being the 1990s Token Black Republican on the Sunday talk show circuit (besides George Will, of course.) but leading up to a possible gubernotorial bid next year,

Oklahoma voters could break it down thusly:

Pros: J.C. Watts and his firm openly buttress a system that has seen the Sooners play for the national title four times in the past decade, thus benefitting the Oklahoma football program immensely.

Cons:

The Baby Seal Poachers of the world need representing, but footage of the clubbins' don't help the case if the people putting them out are BabySealPoachers.com/kickasssealclubbins. It's really just miserable coincidence Oklahoma lost three out of four of the title games they reached: two were close, while one was inevitable, since the only thing cancelling out Pete Carroll's plan to WIN FOREVER is Vince Young and the one game they lose in the Pac-10 annually (as mandated by conference contract, and determined by random coin toss prior to season.)

Still, feel free to blame J.C. Watts. If you have to blame anyone for the streak, go ahead and blame the lobbyist, who's merely doing the subtle, behind-the-scenes work the uproarious BCS website does in public. Your mother told you that? Your mother's not a football professional, is she? So how would she know the BCS isn't the best possible way of determining a champion in college football?

You don't like the BCS WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

Tweet Comment 10 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Readers continue to say that EDSBS and LSUfreek will not be able to top whatever it is they have done last. Then a week later, they top it. And then the week after that, etc. This is how you know you’re the best. As usual, amazing job, fellas.

by RaginCajunRebel on May 11, 2009 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

“Fuk Dem Playoffs” had me on the floor. Brilliant.

by JD on May 11, 2009 12:37 PM EDT reply actions

Boy, that USC-Okie game was just flat-out barnrape. Didn’t even give them the courtesy of a reach-around.

Thanks for making us look almost good in title games by comparison, Sooners. Almost.

by Sam @ WWAHT on May 11, 2009 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

The implication to the Pros is that Oklahoma wasn’t horribly overrated those four times, this might be a poor assumption.

by GTSteve on May 11, 2009 2:14 PM EDT reply actions

Its the little things that make life grand, like the SWITZER chain on Watts’ neck. Actually, if someone actually sold that, I would totally buy it.

LSUFreek, I salute thee.

by meatybob on May 11, 2009 3:19 PM EDT reply actions

Pay me $620k and I’ll lobby for Bernie Fucking Madoff, coal plants, Kenneth Lewis, illegal immigration, Comcast, telemarketers, France, celebration penalties, assault weapons manufacturers, Hugo Chavez, towing companies, AIG bonuses, factories belching filth into the sky, Dane Cook, Mitch Albom, the RIAA, ESPN, swine flu, spam, Peanut Corporation of America, tie football games, red light cameras, lead. But not the BCS. Wait, the BCS too.

by Brian O'Blivion on May 11, 2009 5:45 PM EDT reply actions

@6
You forgot Notre Dame. Which means you have morals.

by Mr.Pelican Pants on May 11, 2009 11:07 PM EDT reply actions

to #4 I say “Meh”… its easy to look into the rearview and say someone was “overrated”, but with the exception of 2003, when the BCS selections were made there was not enough evidence to support whether or not another team should have been invited instead of OU.

by CincySooner on May 12, 2009 8:24 AM EDT reply actions

I don’t think OU was overrated so much as they were out coached.

by Brizzle on May 12, 2009 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

@ #8 really? howbout the team that beat the living shit out of OU in the conference title game that year. or USC, or pretty much anyone else in the BCS top 5 who was also a CONFERENCE CHAMPION…OU sucks, and now they will have to deal with the same stigma tosu has… good luck getting the benefit of any doubt for the next 5 years losers.

by tempebamafan on May 12, 2009 8:34 PM EDT reply actions