THE BIG TEN NETWORK REMINDS YOU THAT EVERY DAY IS BIG TEN DAY

by Orson on May 7, 2009 4:14 PM EDT

ESPN College Football Live is going to have a whole week for Notre Dame? That's nice, but we here at the Big Ten Network would like to remind you that we have our own network just to bring you the latest news on the Big Ten and its respective schools. While we certainly respect the great traditions of Notre Dame, it can't compare to the vibrant intellectual and athletic communities of the combined institutions of the Big Ten. Why, you could literally say it's ten times to better to be in the Big Ten! Or eleven! We lose count.

For instance, here's our actual schedule of programming today, a slate of information and entertainment diverse and entertaining enough to make you say "VANITY PROJECT OF AN EGOMANIACAL COMMISSIONER!"

2:00PM ET
Ohio State Campus Programming: 24 OSU #2

2:30PM ET
Michigan State Campus Programming: MSU Today Presents: Rumba Sinfonica! The natural counterpart to East Lansing's tropical climate and sexy atmosphere, the rumba.

3:00PM ET
Wisconsin Campus Programming: Office Hours #6 Stem Cell Research – Debut

An exciting look at using stem cells to regenerate organs like the liver, the kidneys, and the liver!

3:30PM ET
Wisconsin Campus Programming: Wisconsin Idea (HD) – Debut. A survey of Wisconsin's best and brightest ideas brought to life by Wisconsin students.

4:00PM ET
Northwestern Campus Programming: Millennium Park Concert pt.1 (HD)

5:00PM ET
Penn State Campus Programming: Penn State Impact: The Economy and the Graduate (HD) A metaphorical
representation of sorts. Michigan plays the part of the economy.

6:00PM ET
Illinois Campus Programming: Innovations (HD). New, groundbreaking technologies as pioneered by the Illini. Includes segments on the intentionally blocked extra point, the non-pass-defense pass defense, and injuring snack machines and office equipment with correct martial arts technique.

See? While Notre Dame only gets a week, the Big Ten gets 24 hours of programming all day forever. Go ahead and look at the schedule: not a bit of profitable infomercialing on there, as that would make financial sense. When you wake up at 3 in the morning, instead of Billy Mays swirling around stained t-shirts in vats of mystery goo, you'll see exciting Big Ten classics like 1997's Michigan State at Purdue, a replay seven insomniac weeping softly into their brake fluid cocktails will surely enjoy! Let's see the SEC give their fans something that special!

Cheers,

Jim Delany

ps. AAAAARRRRRGRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

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Comments

LOL. The Fake Catholics have been passed up by the true Irish in Boston as the nation’s top Catholic football program, and they still get a week long special? Have fun as an independent, Indiana Catholic Community College, we here in the ACC will miss you in our rear view mirrors.

ACC!
Fly Eagles Fly!

by Milam on May 7, 2009 4:57 PM EDT reply actions

That’s cold.

Funny, but cold.

by psuphiman80 on May 7, 2009 4:58 PM EDT reply actions

Question: What does every single BC student have in common?

Answer: A letter of rejection from Notre Dame.

by Sean on May 7, 2009 5:16 PM EDT reply actions

Don’t forget the Big Ten Network’s summer blockbuster…Punting. An eight week mini-series looking at midwestern kids in simple offensive schemes living life four downs at a time. This drama will tug the heartstrings as the coaches and players discover together that its always 4th and 2.

by CincySooner on May 7, 2009 5:32 PM EDT reply actions

Family Guy’s reign of terror must be stopped.

by Ray on May 7, 2009 6:54 PM EDT reply actions

LOL @Sean
Like I wanted to go to a school in the middle of nowhere
lmao

Fly Eagles Fly!

by Milam on May 7, 2009 7:00 PM EDT reply actions

I’m sure Orson, or one of his countless minions, has already put this up some time in the last couple of years, but it is both relevant, observant, and smart – adjectives that are distressingly seldom used to describe me

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1780723

by ben hill gryphon on May 7, 2009 7:49 PM EDT reply actions

Hey everyone… Milam is back!!

… And he still thinks BC is a top program!!

by CincySooner on May 7, 2009 8:15 PM EDT reply actions

Visit the scenic South Bend-Elkhart industrial corridor………..

by Techie on May 7, 2009 8:24 PM EDT reply actions

2008 ACC Atlantic Division Champions, ACC runner-up
2007 ACC Atlantic Division Champions, ACC runner-up

Second best conference record in the ACC since expansion (behind VT)
8 game bowl win streak
Consistently underrated in the polls and end up ranked

Matt Ryan – 2008 1st round, 3rd overall, Offensive ROY, 2007 ACC POY
BJ Raji – 2009 1st round, 9th overall
Mark Herzlich – next in line

I would say we are a strong D1 school in a competitive BCS conference. We may not be USC or Texas or OU, but better than most.

by Milam on May 7, 2009 10:10 PM EDT reply actions

Milam,

The problem with all of your stats is that your ACC wins are against ACC teams, and we all know your conference is slightly above the Big East at the bottom of BCS conferences.

by JimHalpert on May 7, 2009 10:36 PM EDT reply actions

Here is the list of the “mighty” BC bowl run for the past decade:
1999 Insight Colorado 28-62 L
2000 Aloha Arizona State 31-17 W
2001 Music City Georgia 20-16 W
2002 Motor City Toledo 51-25 W
2003 San Francisco Colorado State 35-21 W
2004 Continental Tire North Carolina 37-24 W
2005 MPC Computers Boise State 27-21 W
2006 Meineke Car Care Navy 25-24 W
2007 Champs Sports Michigan State 24-21 W
2008 Music City Vanderbilt 14-16 L

Impressive…

I’m certainly not going to sit here and say Notre Dame has a better bowl history for the past 10 years, but how can a BC fan actually thump their chest to that? They may be a BCS team (meaning their conference tie-in), but they have never been to a BCS game or any other major bowl during that run.

by The Subway Domer on May 7, 2009 11:10 PM EDT reply actions

BC won 35 consecutive bowl games, or whatever it was, because they cannot draw for shite, thus they get dropped a spot or two below the bowl game they deserved to be in via their conference standing. Otherwise, they would have had their hat handed to them in the bowl season long before Vandy, ha ha, took them out.

Anyway, if you have DirecTV, or some other cable provider I guess, you have the opportunity to watch Big 10 campus programming. No, seriously. O is not too far off with a couple of those.

by Coop on May 8, 2009 8:59 AM EDT reply actions